Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My Trip Around the Sun

Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun


Yes, I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...
Until it's done

This song pretty wraps up how I feel about birthdays and the life lessons I've learned ... 8)
I'm just enjoying this ride on my trip around the sun.

Today marks my living on this planet for 21 beautiful years. There were moments of bliss, moments of pure misery, and moments of plain boredom. I don't regret one bit of it because all this living made me who I am today. The people I have met, the people that have left. The dreams I have dreamt, the dreams I have accomplished,  the dreams I have yet to reach, the dreams I will continue to dream. All these experiences and encounters has a purpose in all this crazy madness.

My bestest friend in the world made my birthday truly a special and blessed one. Her love and attention to detail. Her time and effort. How could I ever repay someone that brings such joy to my life? I am so glad we fixed our little bump. True friends are the ones that are comfortable enough to expose their ugliest side just so they can make up and remind each other of the love they share. Their love can solve anything if both are willing. I am ever so grateful for all you have done and taught me.

When the balloon flew away, it didn't sadden me because a pink puffy thing flew away. I was sad because it felt like I lost the love you took to pick it out for me. I know that's not true though because what matters the most is the memories I made with you today. Thank you again sissy. I love you.

Silly I know, but almost 90 wonderful people stopped by facebook/email/text to wish me a happy birthday. Some people might think it's not much, but it means the world to me that people would take even a split second of their time just to wish someone else well.This world is filled with beautiful and loving people. I am blessed to have experience such kindness.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

We knew it all along...

Oh, I don't wanna leave.
I just wanna lay here,
And watch you breathe.
Don't know what happened,
Things got out of hand.
I haven't been myself lately.
My thoughts are wandering.

Your eyes, I'm drowning in your eyes.
You're out of reach.
And I can't help myself.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young.

Fool, I'm not looking for love.
I told you that I just wanna dance.
In the mornings, you stay a little too long.
And your eyes they glow a little too much.
Warning signs at last
You're lost, and I can't save you now.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young...

We knew it all along.. we knew that things wouldn't last..that it was going to end eventually. And though both of us had hopeful hearts, though both wished somewhere deep within that we could stay like this forever.
We knew it all along...

Friday, November 26, 2010


With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

I am utterly in love with what Yael Naim did to Britney's Toxic. It make chills travel down my spine...

On another note, I've been extremely lethargic and tired as of late. My body is evidently aching for exercise. Just two weeks left of school and I will begin a workout regimen because this is just getting ridiculous. I sleep more than 8 hours a day and somehow I still manage to be tired. I have zero energy. No stamina...zelch. There exist this deep yearning to run a freaking marathon. Though I know I wouldn't last a quarter mile, the desire is definitely in me! Two more weeks people and then it's muscle time...8)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


As we approach Thanksgiving Day, I can't help but begin to assess what I am thankful for this year. It has been quite a year for me. Started the year with a wonderful trip to California. Experienced a major bump in the road with the ending of my long-term relationship in April. Miraculously transformed my life by evolving my state of mind. Healed from the pain and found peace within by the end of summer. Awesome trip to Miami with the ladies in August. Applied and interviewed for med school by November. Currently maintaining my grades. Graduating in three weeks. Life is pretty damn goooooood.

On top of all these events and happenings, I can't forget how grateful I am for my mother, my family, my friends, my church community (esp. the kids), the list goes on.
What a necessary holiday, a day to sit back, eat well, and think of all the wonderfulness we have been blessed with.

Thank you God!! ^_^ 

Oh, I also must say I'm quite thankful for being single. I was dreading the thought of being alone at first, but single sure does have its advantages. No commitment, no drama, so much freedom.. 8)

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends

-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

What are you thankful for this year?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Why Is You Negging?

According to urbandictionary.com, negging is a type of low grade insult meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to a male's advances.

An example:
Male: "Say girl, your nose is flat as a button...haha...it's so cute"
Female: "Uh...thanks?"
Female is now feeling quite self-conscious and confused.  Her reality is shaken because she can't believe someone just insulted her. She then has the innate desire to seduce him, she succeeds according to plan, the guy wins.
Let's not ever forget though that negging is a LOW GRADE way to get a lady's attention, regardless of how successful a guy may be at getting laid with the technique.

However, besides male-female interaction, I find that females also 'neg' other females.
Female #1: "OMG! That girl is so prettyy!!"
Female # 2: "Yeah, but her legs are short."
Female #1: "Um..okay? She's still pretty!"

Obviously, females aren't negging to make advances on other females, not the straight ones at least. Females neg other females in attempt of lowering the self-confidence of the opposing female. Basically, she is trying to level out with the other female. Hence, negging typically occurs when one female subconsciously thinks the other female is better than her so she has to neg to lower that female to her level. I've seen guys neg other guys too, it usually comes from an insecure place.

Well recently, I've been called crazy, weird, average jane, simple, boring, the list goes on. I honestly never knew how malicious females can be. One of my girlfriends blatantly tried to make me look promiscuous in front of other guys.

I'm not saying all females are like this. I also have girlfriends that are supportive and loving, never once said anything negative about me. These are the type of friends I intend to keep. This is a good learning experience for me nonetheless. I know to run if I ever catch another girl negging at me.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Pretty Girl Rock

This song is just one of the darlingest things I've ever seen. If you just listen to the song, it can sound kind of conceited, but the video is a whole different story. I love how Keri takes us through different eras and pays homage to these beautiful talented women throughout history. The 'pretty girl rock' is more than some booty-popping 'oh-I-am-the-so-hot' dance, it's embracing who you are as a female in this male dominating world. It's about walking the walk when you enter a room. It's the twinkle in our smiles. It's the quirks in our laughter. It's the aura of  our radiating positive confident energy. It's all about the extra care, details, and effort.

So ladies, next time you see a beautiful girl full of confidence, and you find yourself hating.
Please stop the jealousy.  We're all beautiful. Do the pretty girl rock! 8)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Insecurities Be Gone!

Though this song might be taking it to the extreme, I do feel that Christina has a point. What's her point? Fucking love yourself!
EVERYONE, yes I said it, EVERYONE is insecure to some degree. Let me tell you something people, stop! Insecurities are most easily sensed. It's irritating low, negative, self-destructing energy that can be detected from across the room. Let alone the people close to you. Have you ever questioned yourself? What reasons do you have to be insecure?
You are all you got. You might have friends, family, shelter, nice clothes, possessions, whatever. Those things can be taken away from you, you can be stripped clean. You, however, cannot be taken away from you. You will always be there for you.
Therefore, be the bestest friend you can be for yourself. Be supportive, loving, caring, encouraging, be whatever your little heart desires for yourself. Stop the nagging, the jealousy, the blaming, the victimizing, stop being a little bitch.

However, do not be a cocky self-asbsorbed ass just masking your insecurities by a utilizing an unnecessarily large ego. Be at peace with yourself, be grateful for who you are. Accept the components you cannot change about yourself, and improve the parts you can.  Just love yourself and be the best you can be...8)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Time to Share Good News

Halfway through... well more like almost there.. I had my interview today and I would say it went fairly well. The interviewers were really friendly. The interview was really laid back and conversational in style. Now it's just time to wait for THE LETTER.

I can't believe there's just three weeks left of school and I'll be done with undergrad FOREVER!!!! YIPPY!! Pretty proud of myself for getting out a semester early...

Then the best news of all, I'm going to be a ..GODMOTHER!!! My beautiful soon-to-be goddaughter's name is Neleh and she is getting baptized in December. I am so honored to have this privilege.

Just wanted to share my good news with you guys!!
If you know anyone that have questions about med school, feel free to give them my info. I would love to help anyone I can and share my knowledge now that I've gone through the process.

Oh, my birthday is coming up in two weeks!! I'll be turning 21 so no more fake ids!! YAY! lol 

Birthday-Neleh's Baptism-Graduation 

Ever so grateful for the life I've been given... and I owe it all to the good Lord above...

OH! Let's not forget about my favorite holiday coming up also- CHRISTMAS!! 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I know and you know too...

"And I know and you know too
that love like ours is terrible news..."

As I try to start my new life, a large part of me is still holding onto you.
What am I to do?
And as I'm falling in love with someone else, I'm not any less loving you. 
What am I to do?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Within Reach

Have you ever faced a situation where you can't have what you want? It's right there in front of you, within your reach, within the width of your arm span, all you have to do is reach out and hold on, but you can't.  I'm sure you have and I think we can all agree it's a miserable place to be in...the shallow breaths, the sweaty palms, the rapidly beating heart..the yearning.

Some people are so amazing, it's beyond what words can even describe.

One more month, one more month to see what happens. If I can't have you completely darling ...I don't want any part of you at all... 

Wake me up when it's over,
Wake me up when it's done,
When he's gone away and taken everything,
Wake me up.

Wake me up when the skies are clearing,
When the water is still,
'cause I will not watch the ships sail away so,
Please say you will.

If it were any other day,
This wouldn't get the best of me.

But today I'm not so strong,
So lay me down with a sad song,
And when it stops then you know I've been,
Gone too long.

But don't shake me awake,
Don't bend me or I will break,
Come find me somewhere between my dreams,
With the sun on my face.

I will still feel it later on,
But for now I'd rather be asleep.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Everyone Deserves a Chance

What do I wish to acquire in life?
The strength to love everyone regardless of their background or character.
Love is more than a belief or a set of pretty words, it involves action.
Sure..it makes us feel good to say we love someone to appear like the bigger person. However, if we do not show the love, our words mean nothing more than some self-absorbed mechanism of justifying 'I'm a good person, I love them, but...'
Pure bullshit if actions aren't there to back up your claim.
Regardless of one's history, have faith in them. Life is filled with opportunities to change/improve and having supportive people in one's life can initiate the first step.
Therefore, everyone deserves a chance, maybe even multiple chances because sometimes all someone needs is another person to believe in them. If I want to do that for someone, I have to stop judging and start encouraging, stop speaking and start acting.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Be Conscious

I've been working for the past couple of months on becoming aware and conscious of my surroundings. Actively analyzing my body, thoughts, and actions  have allowed me to stay calm and think of the best way to speak and approach people/life in general. However, for the past few weeks I stopped my constant stream of consciousness and became solely dependent on my emotions. There were moments of happiness when I receive good news, but most of my time was spent dwelled in insecurities. Thank goodness I was able to snap out of it today. Hopefully, I can begin restoring my consciousness again. It's a dark and scary place to reside.

Certain familiar situations can bring me back to that place. As long as I stay away from those all too familiar places and keep developing my consciousness, I think in time I will be able to confront my inner demons without fear. Until then, day one of my journey begins tomorrow...once again working towards being present in every moment so I don't get lost in my emotions.

For the people that I have mistreated in the past few weeks....please forgive me. I experienced a minor weak point.. give me time to regain my strength and I shall be enjoyable to be around again....8)

Update: Thanks to my wonderful bestest friend in the world, I've found the perfect suit!!! Time to organize my answers..EEEPPPPP!!!!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Go Get It

Throw five exams on me in one week... sure...I freak out a little. But it takes me a quick second to snap out of it. I don't need anyone to remind me otherwise.

Throw at me a couple of conflictual relationships and I'm doomed for life. As much as I love people, when relationships aren't working out, I easily become overwhelmed. I'm not talking about just romantic relationships, any relationship, whether it be my mother, my friends, my lovers, etc. There are some things in life we find hard to handle, this is it for me...relationships.

Especially right now while I'm going through times of change. I'm trying to figure out my life and conflicts in relationships just distract me from what I need to do. Thank God the ex-hunny bun straightened my ass out. I was freaking the freak out...lol He just had to remind me, think of your big picture, are those people in your picture, if they are... you know what to do...if they're not..you know what to do. Sometimes I have to stop complicating things and just make a decision.

What is it that I want? Figure it out ... then go get it... 8)

On a side note:
At times, your loved ones will get insecure, their egos will consume them and they'll do the one thing they know how to protect their ego....they will put you down to make them feel better about themselves. Forgive them...continue to love them..but contact should be lessen because you are not a fucking punching bag.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

What Am I to You?

One of my all time favorite music artist... her voice is like heaven to me... 8)
Too bad she's in Brazil right now..

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Jumping for Joy!!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh my gooooodnessssss!!! I received my first invitation to a medical school interview today!! I can't even express how happy I am!! 8)
I just turned in my applications like two weeks ago!!! AH!!! Time to go suit-shopping!
Regardless of what happens, I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I'm going to give it my best shot. If I don't get in, trust that they will see my face again next year!!
OMG, it's happening... everything I have been working so hard for...it's finally happening.

So I've updated my family with the awesome news and all I got was..
Mom- "Oh thank God'
Brother- "Good luck."
Other- no response

There are times when I wish Asian people would be a bit more supportive and encouraging of their children instead of just expecting their kids to do well!! Never too old for a hug people!! >8[

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Faith is Found

I would be lying out my ass if I told the world I never once have lost faith in God. There are many times in life I find myself questioning what he has planned for me.  When I sense failure, I immediately have thoughts of giving up. The desire is innate, I just want to run away...I lose hope. 

Hedonistic by nature, my world is typically revolved around pleasure. Unpleasant things turn me off, pleasant things attract me. Pretty darn primitive behavior, there are some things we just can't change about ourselves.

With God's blessings, I have been able to pull off every semester with all A's since freshmen year. No one is more amazed than myself. I thought for sure I would not be able to pull that off this semester. And once again, the Lord has shown me that anything is possible.
There are exams where you feel confident, exams where you feel so-so, and exams you for sure have flunked. I thought I took one of those flunk for sure exams last week, to my amazement, I made an A!!! You can't even comprehend my shock and gratitude for the good Lord above.

Thanks for watching over me and giving me a chance. I won't give up this time...8)
It might seem minuscule to others, but this is truly a miracle for me.