Be Conscious

I've been working for the past couple of months on becoming aware and conscious of my surroundings. Actively analyzing my body, thoughts, and actions  have allowed me to stay calm and think of the best way to speak and approach people/life in general. However, for the past few weeks I stopped my constant stream of consciousness and became solely dependent on my emotions. There were moments of happiness when I receive good news, but most of my time was spent dwelled in insecurities. Thank goodness I was able to snap out of it today. Hopefully, I can begin restoring my consciousness again. It's a dark and scary place to reside.

Certain familiar situations can bring me back to that place. As long as I stay away from those all too familiar places and keep developing my consciousness, I think in time I will be able to confront my inner demons without fear. Until then, day one of my journey begins tomorrow...once again working towards being present in every moment so I don't get lost in my emotions.

For the people that I have mistreated in the past few weeks....please forgive me. I experienced a minor weak point.. give me time to regain my strength and I shall be enjoyable to be around again....8)


Update: Thanks to my wonderful bestest friend in the world, I've found the perfect suit!!! Time to organize my answers..EEEPPPPP!!!!

Go Get It

Throw five exams on me in one week... sure...I freak out a little. But it takes me a quick second to snap out of it. I don't need anyone to remind me otherwise.

Throw at me a couple of conflictual relationships and I'm doomed for life. As much as I love people, when relationships aren't working out, I easily become overwhelmed. I'm not talking about just romantic relationships, any relationship, whether it be my mother, my friends, my lovers, etc. There are some things in life we find hard to handle, this is it for me...relationships.

Especially right now while I'm going through times of change. I'm trying to figure out my life and conflicts in relationships just distract me from what I need to do. Thank God the ex-hunny bun straightened my ass out. I was freaking the freak out...lol He just had to remind me, think of your big picture, are those people in your picture, if they are... you know what to do...if they're not..you know what to do. Sometimes I have to stop complicating things and just make a decision.

What is it that I want? Figure it out ... then go get it... 8)

On a side note:
At times, your loved ones will get insecure, their egos will consume them and they'll do the one thing they know how to protect their ego....they will put you down to make them feel better about themselves. Forgive them...continue to love them..but contact should be lessen because you are not a fucking punching bag.

What Am I to You?

One of my all time favorite music artist... her voice is like heaven to me... 8)
Too bad she's in Brazil right now..

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Jumping for Joy!!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh my gooooodnessssss!!! I received my first invitation to a medical school interview today!! I can't even express how happy I am!! 8)
I just turned in my applications like two weeks ago!!! AH!!! Time to go suit-shopping!
Regardless of what happens, I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I'm going to give it my best shot. If I don't get in, trust that they will see my face again next year!!
OMG, it's happening... everything I have been working so hard for...it's finally happening.


Edit*
So I've updated my family with the awesome news and all I got was..
Mom- "Oh thank God'
Brother- "Good luck."
Other- no response

There are times when I wish Asian people would be a bit more supportive and encouraging of their children instead of just expecting their kids to do well!! Never too old for a hug people!! >8[

Faith is Found

I would be lying out my ass if I told the world I never once have lost faith in God. There are many times in life I find myself questioning what he has planned for me.  When I sense failure, I immediately have thoughts of giving up. The desire is innate, I just want to run away...I lose hope. 

Hedonistic by nature, my world is typically revolved around pleasure. Unpleasant things turn me off, pleasant things attract me. Pretty darn primitive behavior, there are some things we just can't change about ourselves.

With God's blessings, I have been able to pull off every semester with all A's since freshmen year. No one is more amazed than myself. I thought for sure I would not be able to pull that off this semester. And once again, the Lord has shown me that anything is possible.
There are exams where you feel confident, exams where you feel so-so, and exams you for sure have flunked. I thought I took one of those flunk for sure exams last week, to my amazement, I made an A!!! You can't even comprehend my shock and gratitude for the good Lord above.

Thanks for watching over me and giving me a chance. I won't give up this time...8)
It might seem minuscule to others, but this is truly a miracle for me.

Back to the Now

Everything is going to be okay.
Everything is going to plan.

I don't know if men experience anything similar but I find it obnoxiously unnecessary for women to have mood fluctuations throughout the month. On top of bloating and feeling fat, I have to deal with emotional instability. What a freaking life nuisance!!

Hidden Treasures

Look what I found hidden in my wallet just the other day... 8)
I adore the sweet things people do for one another...
Whoever catches his heart will be one lucky girl!!

First Love

"I'll let you fly because I know in my heart,babe, our love will never die..." 

My mother always told me... you will never forget your first love. It seems silly because we all know eventually we'll start dating other people and one day we'll even get married to the love of our life. Yet deep down, we just know our first true love will never be forgotten. It will be stored in a special place in our heart and taken out when we want to reminisce on our sweet innocent years..8)
The love notes, the dried flowers, the cards, the homemade gifts.. though I've physicaly trashed them somewhere along the way...
I  still remember all the little sweet innocent things we did for one another. Whether it's sharing an egg sandwich underneath the stars... or him saying hello outside my window at night fearing that my mother will wake. Those memories, they just will never fade.

We ridiculously love one another, but we're both going through times of change and growth. This separation is necessary for our own good. When you truly love someone, you will gladly let go and let them fly.

I fully support his journey and all he wishes to accomplish in life. I know that no matter what happens, we'll have each others' backs. The love we share is beyond what I can expect from my first love...8)

Cheers to us! May the Lord watch over us as we go on our journey to discover what the world has to offer us...

True Happiness

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”  -Frederick Keonig

I'm going quote happy...


I believe a lot of people feel temporary happiness when they gain something they didn't have before, whether it's an article of clothing, an A on an exam, a gift, etc. 
Those little things are great to boost our everyday moods...however...
True happiness lies in the ability to appreciate what you already have. Not because expectations are met, not because you FINALLY got something you want. Because you're simply satisfied with life, simply grateful for what already is...that's true happiness...according to moi! 8) 

Will's Wisdom