Insecurities Be Gone!

Though this song might be taking it to the extreme, I do feel that Christina has a point. What's her point? Fucking love yourself!
EVERYONE, yes I said it, EVERYONE is insecure to some degree. Let me tell you something people, stop! Insecurities are most easily sensed. It's irritating low, negative, self-destructing energy that can be detected from across the room. Let alone the people close to you. Have you ever questioned yourself? What reasons do you have to be insecure?
You are all you got. You might have friends, family, shelter, nice clothes, possessions, whatever. Those things can be taken away from you, you can be stripped clean. You, however, cannot be taken away from you. You will always be there for you.
Therefore, be the bestest friend you can be for yourself. Be supportive, loving, caring, encouraging, be whatever your little heart desires for yourself. Stop the nagging, the jealousy, the blaming, the victimizing, stop being a little bitch.


However, do not be a cocky self-asbsorbed ass just masking your insecurities by a utilizing an unnecessarily large ego. Be at peace with yourself, be grateful for who you are. Accept the components you cannot change about yourself, and improve the parts you can.  Just love yourself and be the best you can be...8)

Time to Share Good News

Halfway through... well more like almost there.. I had my interview today and I would say it went fairly well. The interviewers were really friendly. The interview was really laid back and conversational in style. Now it's just time to wait for THE LETTER.

I can't believe there's just three weeks left of school and I'll be done with undergrad FOREVER!!!! YIPPY!! Pretty proud of myself for getting out a semester early...

Then the best news of all, I'm going to be a ..GODMOTHER!!! My beautiful soon-to-be goddaughter's name is Neleh and she is getting baptized in December. I am so honored to have this privilege.

 

Just wanted to share my good news with you guys!!

If you know anyone that have questions about med school, feel free to give them my info. I would love to help anyone I can and share my knowledge now that I've gone through the process.

Oh, my birthday is coming up in two weeks!! I'll be turning 21 so no more fake ids!! YAY! lol 

Birthday-Neleh's Baptism-Graduation 

Ever so grateful for the life I've been given... and I owe it all to the good Lord above...

OH! Let's not forget about my favorite holiday coming up also- CHRISTMAS!! 

I know and you know too...

"And I know and you know too
that love like ours is terrible news..."



As I try to start my new life, a large part of me is still holding onto you.
What am I to do?
And as I'm falling in love with someone else, I'm not any less loving you. 
What am I to do?

Within Reach

Have you ever faced a situation where you can't have what you want? It's right there in front of you, within your reach, within the width of your arm span, all you have to do is reach out and hold on, but you can't.  I'm sure you have and I think we can all agree it's a miserable place to be in...the shallow breaths, the sweaty palms, the rapidly beating heart..the yearning.

Some people are so amazing, it's beyond what words can even describe.

One more month, one more month to see what happens. If I can't have you completely darling ...I don't want any part of you at all... 




Wake me up when it's over,
Wake me up when it's done,
When he's gone away and taken everything,
Wake me up.

Wake me up when the skies are clearing,
When the water is still,
'cause I will not watch the ships sail away so,
Please say you will.

If it were any other day,
This wouldn't get the best of me.

But today I'm not so strong,
So lay me down with a sad song,
And when it stops then you know I've been,
Gone too long.

But don't shake me awake,
Don't bend me or I will break,
Come find me somewhere between my dreams,
With the sun on my face.

I will still feel it later on,
But for now I'd rather be asleep.

Everyone Deserves a Chance

What do I wish to acquire in life?
The strength to love everyone regardless of their background or character.
Love is more than a belief or a set of pretty words, it involves action.
Sure..it makes us feel good to say we love someone to appear like the bigger person. However, if we do not show the love, our words mean nothing more than some self-absorbed mechanism of justifying 'I'm a good person, I love them, but...'
Pure bullshit if actions aren't there to back up your claim.
Regardless of one's history, have faith in them. Life is filled with opportunities to change/improve and having supportive people in one's life can initiate the first step.
Therefore, everyone deserves a chance, maybe even multiple chances because sometimes all someone needs is another person to believe in them. If I want to do that for someone, I have to stop judging and start encouraging, stop speaking and start acting.

Be Conscious

I've been working for the past couple of months on becoming aware and conscious of my surroundings. Actively analyzing my body, thoughts, and actions  have allowed me to stay calm and think of the best way to speak and approach people/life in general. However, for the past few weeks I stopped my constant stream of consciousness and became solely dependent on my emotions. There were moments of happiness when I receive good news, but most of my time was spent dwelled in insecurities. Thank goodness I was able to snap out of it today. Hopefully, I can begin restoring my consciousness again. It's a dark and scary place to reside.

Certain familiar situations can bring me back to that place. As long as I stay away from those all too familiar places and keep developing my consciousness, I think in time I will be able to confront my inner demons without fear. Until then, day one of my journey begins tomorrow...once again working towards being present in every moment so I don't get lost in my emotions.

For the people that I have mistreated in the past few weeks....please forgive me. I experienced a minor weak point.. give me time to regain my strength and I shall be enjoyable to be around again....8)


Update: Thanks to my wonderful bestest friend in the world, I've found the perfect suit!!! Time to organize my answers..EEEPPPPP!!!!

Go Get It

Throw five exams on me in one week... sure...I freak out a little. But it takes me a quick second to snap out of it. I don't need anyone to remind me otherwise.

Throw at me a couple of conflictual relationships and I'm doomed for life. As much as I love people, when relationships aren't working out, I easily become overwhelmed. I'm not talking about just romantic relationships, any relationship, whether it be my mother, my friends, my lovers, etc. There are some things in life we find hard to handle, this is it for me...relationships.

Especially right now while I'm going through times of change. I'm trying to figure out my life and conflicts in relationships just distract me from what I need to do. Thank God the ex-hunny bun straightened my ass out. I was freaking the freak out...lol He just had to remind me, think of your big picture, are those people in your picture, if they are... you know what to do...if they're not..you know what to do. Sometimes I have to stop complicating things and just make a decision.

What is it that I want? Figure it out ... then go get it... 8)

On a side note:
At times, your loved ones will get insecure, their egos will consume them and they'll do the one thing they know how to protect their ego....they will put you down to make them feel better about themselves. Forgive them...continue to love them..but contact should be lessen because you are not a fucking punching bag.

What Am I to You?

One of my all time favorite music artist... her voice is like heaven to me... 8)
Too bad she's in Brazil right now..

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Jumping for Joy!!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh my gooooodnessssss!!! I received my first invitation to a medical school interview today!! I can't even express how happy I am!! 8)
I just turned in my applications like two weeks ago!!! AH!!! Time to go suit-shopping!
Regardless of what happens, I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I'm going to give it my best shot. If I don't get in, trust that they will see my face again next year!!
OMG, it's happening... everything I have been working so hard for...it's finally happening.


Edit*
So I've updated my family with the awesome news and all I got was..
Mom- "Oh thank God'
Brother- "Good luck."
Other- no response

There are times when I wish Asian people would be a bit more supportive and encouraging of their children instead of just expecting their kids to do well!! Never too old for a hug people!! >8[

Faith is Found

I would be lying out my ass if I told the world I never once have lost faith in God. There are many times in life I find myself questioning what he has planned for me.  When I sense failure, I immediately have thoughts of giving up. The desire is innate, I just want to run away...I lose hope. 

Hedonistic by nature, my world is typically revolved around pleasure. Unpleasant things turn me off, pleasant things attract me. Pretty darn primitive behavior, there are some things we just can't change about ourselves.

With God's blessings, I have been able to pull off every semester with all A's since freshmen year. No one is more amazed than myself. I thought for sure I would not be able to pull that off this semester. And once again, the Lord has shown me that anything is possible.
There are exams where you feel confident, exams where you feel so-so, and exams you for sure have flunked. I thought I took one of those flunk for sure exams last week, to my amazement, I made an A!!! You can't even comprehend my shock and gratitude for the good Lord above.

Thanks for watching over me and giving me a chance. I won't give up this time...8)
It might seem minuscule to others, but this is truly a miracle for me.