him: Merry christmas :-)
me: Merry christmas old man...im really glad i met you.... :)
him: :-) likewise munchkin
That was one of the sweetest moments I've experienced all year. I honestly don't remember the last time I had a merry little Christmas. For the past several years, I have spent many Christmases either in tears or awkwardness. I can't stop smiling this time around even though it barely feels like Christmas. Who am I kidding? The temperature is merely 50 degrees, we didn't have a Christmas tree, and I was the only one who took the time to wrap presents. Oh, let's not forget, half of my family is out of town. So yes, it doesn't feel quite like Christmas on the outside, but the warmth I feel inside my heart is undoubtedly Christmas-y.
You know a person is special when you choose to ignore their past because all that matters is the happiness they bring you. You know they're special when they haven't laid a finger on you, yet there exist a deep bond.
He's somehow managed to slow down this fast pace world of mine and showed me one step at a time what it's like to truly build a connection.
I hope everyone out there is having as a wonderful or even better Christmas than I am...Merry Christmas everyone!!! 8)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Isolation
Isolation may sound a bit scary and lonesome, but it's absolutely necessary in many life situations. We all, at one point or another, have to learn to isolate our problems/issues. People have the tendency to allow one life situation affect all other aspects of their life and then wonder why everything in their life is falling apart. It's because so many of us don't have the skills or methods to isolate our problems.
For example:
You failed an exam, you are so upset you decide not to study for another exam you have the following day...I think what happens next is obvious.
What should you have done?
Be upset, let it all out, then recollect yourself. Think of what you did wrong and promise yourself to fix it for the next exam. Then snap out of it and start studying for tomorrow's exam so you don't repeat your mistakes.
OR
You got in a fight with your boyfriend, you are pissed the fuck off. Again, do not let it affect other areas of your life! DO NOT go throw your shit and anger on other people. When you fight with someone, the problem lies solely between you and that particular person. Other people should not have to suffer from your inability to control yourself.
Imagine it as physically putting a bubble around one problem and not allowing it to escape. When you learn to isolate your problems, you'll find that you will solve it quicker because you are not distracted. You won't be worrying about 1000000000 other things. Learn to separate yet balance life. It will tremendously cut down on stress, especially during the holiday seasons! 8)
For example:
You failed an exam, you are so upset you decide not to study for another exam you have the following day...I think what happens next is obvious.
What should you have done?
Be upset, let it all out, then recollect yourself. Think of what you did wrong and promise yourself to fix it for the next exam. Then snap out of it and start studying for tomorrow's exam so you don't repeat your mistakes.
OR
You got in a fight with your boyfriend, you are pissed the fuck off. Again, do not let it affect other areas of your life! DO NOT go throw your shit and anger on other people. When you fight with someone, the problem lies solely between you and that particular person. Other people should not have to suffer from your inability to control yourself.
Imagine it as physically putting a bubble around one problem and not allowing it to escape. When you learn to isolate your problems, you'll find that you will solve it quicker because you are not distracted. You won't be worrying about 1000000000 other things. Learn to separate yet balance life. It will tremendously cut down on stress, especially during the holiday seasons! 8)
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Truth is...
Before you meet the 'right guy,' you have all these expectations in your head. He has to dress like this, talk like this, walk that way, act like this, believe in that...etc.
What I have found is that none of that matters. The truth is--the only thing that matters is how big and often can he make you CHEESE! The others are just extra bonuses...
What I have found is that none of that matters. The truth is--the only thing that matters is how big and often can he make you CHEESE! The others are just extra bonuses...
Confidence
I know I can make some arrogant ass remarks at times but it's really all for fun. If someone compliments me, I find it more amusing to say "oh I know." The response on their faces are hilarious because they totally expected a simple "thank you" from you. However, I must admit to lacking in the confidence department at times. Especially when it involves people I can't control, I always found myself giving up due to fear of failure/rejection aka no game. It has been an eventful weekend for myself and I love the wise women in my life that has taught me the reality of this world. There will be people in the world wanting the same things you desire, you better go out there and fight. When you give up, you only close your own doors to opportunities.
I just get defeated so easily and become flustered with frustration that I typically walk away from the situation all together. Well no more, I vow from this day forward to fight in life for what is rightfully mine.
Thank you wise ladies... your love makes me a stronger woman everyday.
And I cannot ignore the good Lord above. I just feel so blessed. At times even when I give up, he gives me a second chance. There seems to be nothing in life that I cannot accomplish or acquire. Thank you my most beloved God!!
To end with a quote:
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
So remember, confidence is easy when you get things your way. True confidence lies in the ability to fight when things aren't.
"College girl with a 4.0. Good girl by day. Damn who would have known?
But when the lights go down and she's out on the floor. The freak comes out and she loses control..."
I just get defeated so easily and become flustered with frustration that I typically walk away from the situation all together. Well no more, I vow from this day forward to fight in life for what is rightfully mine.
Thank you wise ladies... your love makes me a stronger woman everyday.
And I cannot ignore the good Lord above. I just feel so blessed. At times even when I give up, he gives me a second chance. There seems to be nothing in life that I cannot accomplish or acquire. Thank you my most beloved God!!
To end with a quote:
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
So remember, confidence is easy when you get things your way. True confidence lies in the ability to fight when things aren't.
"College girl with a 4.0. Good girl by day. Damn who would have known?
But when the lights go down and she's out on the floor. The freak comes out and she loses control..."
Thursday, December 16, 2010
It's Not Christmas Without You
OMG!! Christmas is in a week and I'm no where near done with Christmas shopping! Shoot me!! This will be my first Christmas alone, not that I remember past Christmas to be any more pleasant. An argument or some form of disturbance always appeared around the holiday seasons. No drama I hope this year, but a cup of loneliness instead. Boooooo
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm good...I'm good
Yesterday all my teachers posted my grades and let's just say I am more than pleased to see that I have accomplished my goal. I will be graduating LSU with a 4.0 in 3.5 years. Journey wasn't easy. There were many nights of studying involved and tears that shed when I doubted myself or thought I lost the battle. Surprisingly, I wasn't as happy as I imagined myself. I honestly thought I would bounce off the wall, instead I just smiled.
It goes to show that we can't depend on external factors to make us happy. Without expecting our environment to make us happy, we don't live a life of disappointments when things go wrong. That's not to say you can't allow your environment to bring you happiness, just don't be dependent on it.
Nonetheless, I am utterly proud of myself and thank the people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way when I felt like giving up.
Onto other happenings in my life, I am also proud to say for once in my life, I do not dread being single one bit. Just months (maybe even weeks) ago I kept wondering who the next mate will be but I have come to realize that 1.) I don't have time for a boyfriend since I might move 2.) I haven't been single long enough and still need time to myself 3.) this is my last chance for freedom before I head onto bigger and better things in life. Those are more than enough reasons to convince me that being single is the best status for myself. I think people confuse single with loneliness. Singledom is an essential time to learn how to be on your own. Sure, I might get lonely at times but I need to see for myself that I can be independent of others.
People also confuse single with abstinence. No. Single does not equate to sexless. Single just means no strings attached. Of course, single people do not have the luxury of a partner that is ATF (available to fuck) anytime, but single people have every right as the taken person to have sex as they wish. People shouldn't judge because it's really none of their business. At the same time, single people should understand that people will indeed judge.
The latest personal goal: to achieve core confidence. I often times allow what people say or do to me get under my skin. What other people say should not matter. People may be disrespectful towards me, but I'll save myself much anger and frustration if I develop core confidence so I don't let external factors bother me.
Oh I start working out tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP! Excited!!
Sorry for the long post...it's been a while.
It goes to show that we can't depend on external factors to make us happy. Without expecting our environment to make us happy, we don't live a life of disappointments when things go wrong. That's not to say you can't allow your environment to bring you happiness, just don't be dependent on it.
Nonetheless, I am utterly proud of myself and thank the people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way when I felt like giving up.
Onto other happenings in my life, I am also proud to say for once in my life, I do not dread being single one bit. Just months (maybe even weeks) ago I kept wondering who the next mate will be but I have come to realize that 1.) I don't have time for a boyfriend since I might move 2.) I haven't been single long enough and still need time to myself 3.) this is my last chance for freedom before I head onto bigger and better things in life. Those are more than enough reasons to convince me that being single is the best status for myself. I think people confuse single with loneliness. Singledom is an essential time to learn how to be on your own. Sure, I might get lonely at times but I need to see for myself that I can be independent of others.
People also confuse single with abstinence. No. Single does not equate to sexless. Single just means no strings attached. Of course, single people do not have the luxury of a partner that is ATF (available to fuck) anytime, but single people have every right as the taken person to have sex as they wish. People shouldn't judge because it's really none of their business. At the same time, single people should understand that people will indeed judge.
The latest personal goal: to achieve core confidence. I often times allow what people say or do to me get under my skin. What other people say should not matter. People may be disrespectful towards me, but I'll save myself much anger and frustration if I develop core confidence so I don't let external factors bother me.
Oh I start working out tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP! Excited!!
Sorry for the long post...it's been a while.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Last Week Of Undergrad
FUCK YEAH!!!
Please excuse my language, but let's just plainly say I am quite ready to get the hell out of college!
Congratulations to those that have finish their finals and good luck to those that are testing soon. Ahem-LSU!! My life as a student isn't over yet so I'm certain I won't miss undergrad. If I can pull off this last semester with a 4.0, I will have to give myself a huge pat on the back. God knows my family won't. What can we do, it's a part of our culture. They are so proud but expressing it is equivalent to murder almost.
Wish me luck and pray for me please!! Hopefully my alarm goes off correctly every time.. lol
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!
Here's to working my butt off for the last 3.5 years for a fucking medal that's probably not worth any monetary value!! LMAO...
Please excuse my language, but let's just plainly say I am quite ready to get the hell out of college!
Congratulations to those that have finish their finals and good luck to those that are testing soon. Ahem-LSU!! My life as a student isn't over yet so I'm certain I won't miss undergrad. If I can pull off this last semester with a 4.0, I will have to give myself a huge pat on the back. God knows my family won't. What can we do, it's a part of our culture. They are so proud but expressing it is equivalent to murder almost.
Wish me luck and pray for me please!! Hopefully my alarm goes off correctly every time.. lol
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!
Here's to working my butt off for the last 3.5 years for a fucking medal that's probably not worth any monetary value!! LMAO...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Back at Square One
Today has to be one of the worst days ever that I've had in a good while. I had an exam this morning for 9:30 am so I set my alarm clock for 6 so I would have 3 hours to study. Of all the days my alarm could have failed on me, why did it pick today? Alarm did not go off or I just didn't hear it altogether, who knows, but I ended up waking up at 8. Got ready, started studying and feel asleep... so I was late for my exam. During my exam, the computer froze and I had to start over. Then when I went to analyze my data, the freaking program didn't have it! So I had to download it, which froze the computer once again. On top of all this, I didn't look over one powerpoint yesterday and that costs me my A. There were two values I needed to memorize in order to interpret my results. Well, not knowing them meant I misinterpreted all my data that was worth 60% of my final exam.
Feeling like a fucking failure, I did the one thing I always do when life doesn't go my way. Breakdown and cry like a little bitch. Then I thought about how I tried so hard this summer to learn how to let go and not give in to my emotions. Yet there I was, in my car, breaking down...because I just needed to know two values, it would take 2 seconds to look at, and I couldn't even do that. Broke down because I planned responsibly to study for 3 hours. Broke down because I might end up with a B in the class. Broke down because I can't believe I read two books and I have failed to learn anything.
It's true that life will throw hardships at you, so why it is that I am still struggling? Why is it that I am so afraid of failure..or imperfections? Why is it I can't find peace among these difficulties?
Feeling like a fucking failure, I did the one thing I always do when life doesn't go my way. Breakdown and cry like a little bitch. Then I thought about how I tried so hard this summer to learn how to let go and not give in to my emotions. Yet there I was, in my car, breaking down...because I just needed to know two values, it would take 2 seconds to look at, and I couldn't even do that. Broke down because I planned responsibly to study for 3 hours. Broke down because I might end up with a B in the class. Broke down because I can't believe I read two books and I have failed to learn anything.
It's true that life will throw hardships at you, so why it is that I am still struggling? Why is it that I am so afraid of failure..or imperfections? Why is it I can't find peace among these difficulties?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
My Trip Around the Sun
Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun
Chorus:
I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go
No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun
(Chorus)
Yes, I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...
Until it's done
This song pretty wraps up how I feel about birthdays and the life lessons I've learned ... 8)
I'm just enjoying this ride on my trip around the sun.
Today marks my living on this planet for 21 beautiful years. There were moments of bliss, moments of pure misery, and moments of plain boredom. I don't regret one bit of it because all this living made me who I am today. The people I have met, the people that have left. The dreams I have dreamt, the dreams I have accomplished, the dreams I have yet to reach, the dreams I will continue to dream. All these experiences and encounters has a purpose in all this crazy madness.
My bestest friend in the world made my birthday truly a special and blessed one. Her love and attention to detail. Her time and effort. How could I ever repay someone that brings such joy to my life? I am so glad we fixed our little bump. True friends are the ones that are comfortable enough to expose their ugliest side just so they can make up and remind each other of the love they share. Their love can solve anything if both are willing. I am ever so grateful for all you have done and taught me.
When the balloon flew away, it didn't sadden me because a pink puffy thing flew away. I was sad because it felt like I lost the love you took to pick it out for me. I know that's not true though because what matters the most is the memories I made with you today. Thank you again sissy. I love you.
Silly I know, but almost 90 wonderful people stopped by facebook/email/text to wish me a happy birthday. Some people might think it's not much, but it means the world to me that people would take even a split second of their time just to wish someone else well.This world is filled with beautiful and loving people. I am blessed to have experience such kindness.
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