Nobody's Perfect

I promise baby I will try my best to speak with consideration. I have the worst habit of running my mouth without thinking and I hate that my words could cause you so much pain. I am so grateful to have an understanding partner like yourself. Thank you for being patient and taking the time to understand my true intentions. Nobody's perfect, but I will try my damnest to treat you with the best of my capabilities.

You Make Me Wanna Say..

I do...

We are soon approaching the four month mark and I am amazed at what we have established thus far. I am absolutely in love with you in every way. I've never felt this way before. Never been happier in my life. I thank the Lord for you every single day and night. I no longer desire the finer or bigger things in life. I don't care for a big rock or a fancy wedding. You've changed the way I view life so much for the better. Our love is all I need...all I want.
Though we have quite a bit of time before marriage is even in the picture, I can so see us spending our lives together.

I'm stupid crazy excited for what's in store for us. I love you baby!

Aurora Borealis

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I haven't got the chance to witness the northern lights just yet, but I imagine I would experience a similar feeling to when the ong gia holds me...simply breathtaking.
Definitely up there on my bucket list.

Forgiveness

FAITH SHAKEN, LOST TRUST, TEARS SHED, HEARTACHE

A disastrous combination, a most difficult task at hand. But any love worth having is a love worth fight for. 

It's easy to give up when it gets tough. Easy to build a wall around my heart. Easy to put up a 'NO BS' policy. No... I don't want to fear life and all its obstacles. I don't want to hide or run away. I don't want to have regrets. No looking back and wishing I would have done things differently.


No matter what our future holds, at least I know I gave it my all. I didn't know you were capable of causing me so much pain, but I will try my best to forgive. I know I may hate myself if I don't give us another chance.

I don't want to appear normal on the surface but really be broken inside because of my pride or ego. I love you very much and I want nothing more than for us to work out.

My my..how excruciatingly temporary and fragile are our very existence...
Breathing one moment and dead the next...
In love one moment and hated the next...
Happy one moment and sad the next...
Together one moment and broken the next...
Forever-ever? There's simply no such thing.

I am so madly, deeply, insanely in love with you...


                ...and I'm on my way to believing...

You're Gonna be an Old Woman Someday...

Advanced Style: Age and Beauty on Nowness.com.

"...every era, it builds character..."

I totally fancy to be as amazing as these ladies some day...

The Evil in Me

Skylar Grey couldn't have sung it better, "even angels have their wicked schemes..."

I honestly try my bestest to be a person filled with good intent. It takes a true conscious effort on my part. I am constantly surveying my thoughts and actions. Re-evaluating what has been said and done, constructing what needs to be said and done. Most of the time, I am pretty satisfied with my words and actions. However, when I start to witness the evil in me, I couldn't possibly be more upset and disappointed in myself. I know we all have it in us, the dark side...  a side of me I rather not have exist.

It is the very demon inside us that drives the seven deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.

Such a discouraging feeling arises when I see such ugliness exist in myself.

And today I witnessed envy.

You see, the thing about me is..if I like you, I am happy when you're happy...I am sad when you are sad, I will ride or die for you. On the other hand, if you are on my bad side, I want nothing more than for you to fail miserably at life. I want you to lack what I have. In my eyes, you don't deserve anything but crap. 

Sure, on the surface, I have to tell myself how horrible I am for wishing ill upon these people and then I convince myself that I really don't want these things for them. That I want their relationships to fall apart, their goals to fail, their possessions to be of little value... their life to be shit. It's almost as if maybe their life sucking will somehow make up for the pain they have caused me.

We can hide these things on the surface, but to be honest with ourselves, deep down...we experience pleasure when the less than fortunate occurs. So I won't lie to myself. Yes, I feel those things, and I hate myself for feeling it. But heck.. acceptance is the first step to change. I sure hope to see progress in my reactions from now on. Any little bit of improvement will be welcomed!

Timing is Everything

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So recently an ex-crush from the past contacted me for a lunch date. Well...being madly in love with the old man, the lunch date was obviously out of the question. But the situation begs me to question, what is the most important factor that contributes to the fate of two individuals that want to share even a little bit of their lifetime together?  Hm... I got to say timing is everything.

If this guy would have chosen his contact time more wisely, his chances at winning my heart would have increased ten folds. But since he picked one of the worst times to make the move...his shot at love is at approximately zero chance, zero percent.

Even for the old man and I, the timing was perfect. If either one of us were to make the move at any other given time, our shot at love would have decreased dramatically.

This goes to show we must be wise at managing our time, because it makes all the difference in the world. Not with just relationships, but every aspect of our lives. When we eat, sleep, study, work, party..all of it has an effect on our lives.

Yeah, I could possibly sit here and ponder on what it would be like to be with that guy or how things would turn out but why? I'm so completely satisfied with my old man, no one could possibly tamper with his significance. I'm committed to that old geezer 100% and wouldn't want it any other way...8)

Timing has done me well..

Hey Baby...I Think I Wanna Marry You

I know it's only been three months and counting, but I've never been this swept away. I swear the two of us are going to spend the rest of our lives together..I just know it.