I know this song is a bit old...but OMG..Ciara never ceases to amaze me. Home girl can DANCE!!

I'm good...I'm good

Yesterday all my teachers posted my grades and let's just say I am more than pleased to see that I have accomplished my goal. I will be graduating LSU with a 4.0 in 3.5 years. Journey wasn't easy. There were many nights of studying involved and tears that shed when I doubted myself or thought I lost the battle. Surprisingly, I wasn't as happy as I imagined myself. I honestly thought I would bounce off the wall, instead I just smiled.

It goes to show that we can't depend on external factors to make us happy. Without expecting our  environment to make us happy, we don't live a life of disappointments when things go wrong. That's not to say you can't allow your environment to bring you happiness, just don't be dependent on it.

Nonetheless, I am utterly proud of myself and thank the people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way when I felt like giving up.

Onto other happenings in my life, I am also proud to say for once in my life, I do not dread being single one bit. Just months (maybe even weeks) ago I kept wondering who the next mate will be but I have come to realize that 1.) I don't have time for a boyfriend since I might move 2.) I haven't been single long enough and still need time to myself 3.) this is my last chance for freedom before I head onto bigger and better things in life. Those are more than enough reasons to convince me that being single is the best status for myself. I think people confuse single with loneliness. Singledom is an essential time to learn how to be on your own. Sure, I might get lonely at times but I need to see for myself that I can be independent of others.

People also confuse single with abstinence. No. Single does not equate to sexless. Single just means no strings attached. Of course, single people do not have the luxury of a partner that is ATF (available to fuck) anytime, but single people have every right as the taken person to have sex as they wish. People shouldn't judge because it's really none of their business. At the same time, single people should understand that people will indeed judge.


The latest personal goal: to achieve core confidence. I often times allow what people say or do to me get under my skin. What other people say should not matter. People may be disrespectful towards me, but I'll save myself much anger and frustration if I develop core confidence so I don't let external factors bother me.

Oh I start working out tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP! Excited!!

Sorry for the long post...it's been a while.

Last Week Of Undergrad

FUCK YEAH!!!
Please excuse my language, but let's just plainly say I am quite ready to get the hell out of college!
Congratulations to those that have finish their finals and good luck to those that are testing soon. Ahem-LSU!! My life as a student isn't over yet so I'm certain I won't miss undergrad. If I can pull off this last semester with a 4.0, I will have to give myself a huge pat on the back. God knows my family won't. What can we do, it's a part of our culture. They are so proud but expressing it is equivalent to murder almost.

Wish me luck and pray for me please!! Hopefully my alarm goes off correctly every time.. lol
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!

Here's to working my butt off for the last 3.5 years for a fucking medal that's probably not worth any monetary value!! LMAO...

Back at Square One

Today has to be one of the worst days ever that I've had in a good while. I had an exam this morning for 9:30 am so I set my alarm clock for 6 so I would have 3 hours to study. Of all the days my alarm could have failed on me, why did it pick today? Alarm did not go off or I just didn't hear it altogether, who knows, but I ended up waking up at 8. Got ready, started studying and feel asleep... so I was late for my exam. During my exam, the computer froze and I had to start over. Then when I went to analyze my data, the freaking program didn't have it! So I had to download it, which froze the computer once again. On top of all this, I didn't look over one powerpoint yesterday and that costs me my A. There were two values I needed to memorize in order to interpret my results. Well, not knowing them meant I misinterpreted all my data that was worth 60% of my final exam.
Feeling like a fucking failure, I did the one thing I always do when life doesn't go my way. Breakdown and cry like a little bitch. Then I thought about how I tried so hard this summer to learn how to let go and not give in to my emotions. Yet there I was, in my car, breaking down...because I just needed to know two values, it would take 2 seconds to look at, and I couldn't even do that. Broke down because I planned responsibly to study for 3 hours. Broke down because I might end up with a B in the class. Broke down because I can't believe I read two books and I have failed to learn anything.

It's true that life will throw hardships at you, so why it is that I am still struggling? Why is it that I am so afraid of failure..or imperfections? Why is it I can't find peace among these difficulties?

My Trip Around the Sun

Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

Chorus:
I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun

(Chorus)

Yes, I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...
Until it's done

This song pretty wraps up how I feel about birthdays and the life lessons I've learned ... 8)
I'm just enjoying this ride on my trip around the sun.

Today marks my living on this planet for 21 beautiful years. There were moments of bliss, moments of pure misery, and moments of plain boredom. I don't regret one bit of it because all this living made me who I am today. The people I have met, the people that have left. The dreams I have dreamt, the dreams I have accomplished,  the dreams I have yet to reach, the dreams I will continue to dream. All these experiences and encounters has a purpose in all this crazy madness.

My bestest friend in the world made my birthday truly a special and blessed one. Her love and attention to detail. Her time and effort. How could I ever repay someone that brings such joy to my life? I am so glad we fixed our little bump. True friends are the ones that are comfortable enough to expose their ugliest side just so they can make up and remind each other of the love they share. Their love can solve anything if both are willing. I am ever so grateful for all you have done and taught me.

When the balloon flew away, it didn't sadden me because a pink puffy thing flew away. I was sad because it felt like I lost the love you took to pick it out for me. I know that's not true though because what matters the most is the memories I made with you today. Thank you again sissy. I love you.

Silly I know, but almost 90 wonderful people stopped by facebook/email/text to wish me a happy birthday. Some people might think it's not much, but it means the world to me that people would take even a split second of their time just to wish someone else well.This world is filled with beautiful and loving people. I am blessed to have experience such kindness.

We knew it all along...

Oh, I don't wanna leave.
I just wanna lay here,
And watch you breathe.
Don't know what happened,
Things got out of hand.
I haven't been myself lately.
My thoughts are wandering.

Your eyes, I'm drowning in your eyes.
You're out of reach.
And I can't help myself.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young.

Fool, I'm not looking for love.
I told you that I just wanna dance.
In the mornings, you stay a little too long.
And your eyes they glow a little too much.
Warning signs at last
You're lost, and I can't save you now.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young...


We knew it all along.. we knew that things wouldn't last..that it was going to end eventually. And though both of us had hopeful hearts, though both wished somewhere deep within that we could stay like this forever.
We knew it all along...

Toxic

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

I am utterly in love with what Yael Naim did to Britney's Toxic. It make chills travel down my spine...


On another note, I've been extremely lethargic and tired as of late. My body is evidently aching for exercise. Just two weeks left of school and I will begin a workout regimen because this is just getting ridiculous. I sleep more than 8 hours a day and somehow I still manage to be tired. I have zero energy. No stamina...zelch. There exist this deep yearning to run a freaking marathon. Though I know I wouldn't last a quarter mile, the desire is definitely in me! Two more weeks people and then it's muscle time...8)

Pre-Thanksgiving

As we approach Thanksgiving Day, I can't help but begin to assess what I am thankful for this year. It has been quite a year for me. Started the year with a wonderful trip to California. Experienced a major bump in the road with the ending of my long-term relationship in April. Miraculously transformed my life by evolving my state of mind. Healed from the pain and found peace within by the end of summer. Awesome trip to Miami with the ladies in August. Applied and interviewed for med school by November. Currently maintaining my grades. Graduating in three weeks. Life is pretty damn goooooood.

On top of all these events and happenings, I can't forget how grateful I am for my mother, my family, my friends, my church community (esp. the kids), the list goes on.
What a necessary holiday, a day to sit back, eat well, and think of all the wonderfulness we have been blessed with.

Thank you God!! ^_^ 

Oh, I also must say I'm quite thankful for being single. I was dreading the thought of being alone at first, but single sure does have its advantages. No commitment, no drama, so much freedom.. 8)

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)


What are you thankful for this year?

Why Is You Negging?

According to urbandictionary.com, negging is a type of low grade insult meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to a male's advances.

An example:
Male: "Say girl, your nose is flat as a button...haha...it's so cute"
Female: "Uh...thanks?"
Female is now feeling quite self-conscious and confused.  Her reality is shaken because she can't believe someone just insulted her. She then has the innate desire to seduce him, she succeeds according to plan, the guy wins.
Let's not ever forget though that negging is a LOW GRADE way to get a lady's attention, regardless of how successful a guy may be at getting laid with the technique.

However, besides male-female interaction, I find that females also 'neg' other females.
Example:
Female #1: "OMG! That girl is so prettyy!!"
Female # 2: "Yeah, but her legs are short."
Female #1: "Um..okay? She's still pretty!"

Obviously, females aren't negging to make advances on other females, not the straight ones at least. Females neg other females in attempt of lowering the self-confidence of the opposing female. Basically, she is trying to level out with the other female. Hence, negging typically occurs when one female subconsciously thinks the other female is better than her so she has to neg to lower that female to her level. I've seen guys neg other guys too, it usually comes from an insecure place.

Well recently, I've been called crazy, weird, average jane, simple, boring, the list goes on. I honestly never knew how malicious females can be. One of my girlfriends blatantly tried to make me look promiscuous in front of other guys.

I'm not saying all females are like this. I also have girlfriends that are supportive and loving, never once said anything negative about me. These are the type of friends I intend to keep. This is a good learning experience for me nonetheless. I know to run if I ever catch another girl negging at me.

Pretty Girl Rock

This song is just one of the darlingest things I've ever seen. If you just listen to the song, it can sound kind of conceited, but the video is a whole different story. I love how Keri takes us through different eras and pays homage to these beautiful talented women throughout history. The 'pretty girl rock' is more than some booty-popping 'oh-I-am-the-so-hot' dance, it's embracing who you are as a female in this male dominating world. It's about walking the walk when you enter a room. It's the twinkle in our smiles. It's the quirks in our laughter. It's the aura of  our radiating positive confident energy. It's all about the extra care, details, and effort.

So ladies, next time you see a beautiful girl full of confidence, and you find yourself hating.
Please stop the jealousy.  We're all beautiful. Do the pretty girl rock! 8)