For the New Year (according to the Chinese calendar), I wholeheartedly wish I could sit here and feel joy, optimism, peace. It's only right to start off the new year in such manner, yet here I am feeling frustrated, slightly angry, and most disappointingly-whiny&bitchy.
I guess I can blame it on the hormones, it is that time of the month after all. However, something tells me it's more than that. Something tells me I don't feel compelled to complain only when my hormones are acting up, though I do find it harder to resist around that time. I feel compelled to complain...most the time..no...all the time. Whether it's school, friends, relationships, myself, I will nitpick the hell out of my life until I find something to complain about. It's my knack...my talent...if I earned a dime for every complaint I ever made, I would be one rich mother effer.
So, I can sit here some more and question why the hell I complain so much, which will probably lead to more frustration and whining. Or I can just stop. If only it was that simple, right? Well, it takes time to build a habit.
I find that the first step to changing is the recognition that change is needed. And trust me, no one is more sick of my whining voice by this point than myself, so recognition-check. My second step is to change my attitude, point of view, perspective, whatever you want to call it. When the urge to complain arises, I must remember there are far bigger and better things to worry about. I must remember that I am about to waste up to 30 minutes of my life whining about something rather insignificant- and by doing so I am just spreading animosity and negativity. Let's be honest, that time could be utilize in a more valuable fashion. Lastly, I must learn to appreciate and accept every experience in life with grace, no matter how good or bad, pleasurable or tragic, likable or unlikable... because that's my very food for growth-every day experiences.
Morning light that disturbs my sleep will teach me to start the day shining brightly. The cold temperatures will teach me to value warmth aka the heater. Spending 30 minutes in search of parking space will teach me patience. Insecure friends will teach me compassion. Busy lovers will teach me independence. Tired feet will teach me to rest.
Out of every experience, something beautiful can be learned.
So I didn't spend my new year off with joy and peace, but I spent it instead with the recognition and desire to change and improve. Not too shabby, no complaints here ;)