Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's Going to be Alright



"...I know it's hard when the going gets tough but I don't want to stop this, so promise me it's going to be alright..." 

It all started when I met you over the summer through a friend. You seem quiet, but darn were you cute! Considering our age difference, I never gave it more thought than that. In my mind, you were just an attractive guy-I can look but never touch. Months past and the four of us built quite a friendship. The quadrants..no...quadruplet. We had so many drunken nights together. Games of Kings and Rockband...God those moments are so much fun to reminisce on. I loved every memory the quadruplet created together and the best part is there's more to come.

I have no idea how it happened, but something special sparked between us during my birthday/graduation celebration. Maybe it was just the right time and place... or right amount of alcohol..haha. Whatever it was, I couldn't stop thinking about you. When I found out that you asked for my number, my heart jumped for joy...yes, the feelings are mutual.

We've been taking it slow and I wouldn't have it any other way. To be honest, I figured I would just toot it and boot it, but you have so much more to offer. Thank you for the past several weeks, they mean the world to me. I don't know what's going on in your mind but promise me it's going to be alright. I can feel that we both want more than friendship, we both know we are capable of much more.


For the first time ever, I cooked a full blown breakfast-eggs, bacon, and sausage (thanks to some help from besties). I hope it made you happy because seeing my willingness to do such things for you pleases my little heart as well!

"....you and I...were a match made at a birthday party..." 8)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

All I Want For Christmas...

...is you.

Last night a cat fight broke out in the club, and the first thing he did was grab me and positioned me behind him. It was such a safe and secure moment for myself... I couldn't help but look at him in awe. There he stood, firm and tall, protecting me.

Once everything settled down, we danced the night away with wonderful friends....my legs shall reap the consequences for days to come but it was all worth it. I'm so glad they dragged my butt out.

And to end the night, I peacefully laid by his side...listening to his heavy breathing as he falls into a deep slumber. What else can a girl possibly ask for? I can't wait to cook for him... or do anything for that matter to put a smile on his face. He's more than I could ever ask for.

I feel so blessed for my family, my friends, and of course him...8)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Have Myself a Merry Little Christmas

him: Merry christmas :-)
me: Merry christmas old man...im really glad i met you.... :)
him: :-) likewise munchkin

That was one of the sweetest moments I've experienced all year. I honestly don't remember the last time I had a merry little Christmas. For the past several years, I have spent many Christmases either in tears or awkwardness. I can't stop smiling this time around even though it barely feels like Christmas. Who am I kidding? The temperature is merely 50 degrees, we didn't have a Christmas tree, and I was the only one who took the time to wrap presents. Oh, let's not forget, half of my family is out of town. So yes, it doesn't feel quite like Christmas on the outside, but the warmth I feel inside my heart is undoubtedly Christmas-y.

You know a person is special when you choose to ignore their past because all that matters is the happiness they bring you. You know they're special when they haven't laid a finger on you, yet there exist a deep bond.  

He's somehow managed to slow down this fast pace world of mine and showed me one step at a time what it's like to truly build a connection.

I hope everyone out there is having as a wonderful or even better Christmas than I am...Merry Christmas everyone!!! 8)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Isolation

Isolation may sound a bit scary and lonesome, but it's absolutely necessary in many life situations. We all, at one point or another, have to learn to isolate our problems/issues. People have the tendency to allow one life situation affect all other aspects of their life and then wonder why everything in their life is falling apart. It's because so many of us don't have the skills or methods to isolate our problems.

For example:
You failed an exam, you are so upset you decide not to study for another exam you have the following day...I think what happens next is obvious.
What should you have done?
Be upset, let it all out, then recollect yourself. Think of what you did wrong and promise yourself to fix it for the next exam. Then snap out of it and start studying for tomorrow's exam so you don't repeat your mistakes.

OR

You got in a fight with your boyfriend, you are pissed the fuck off. Again, do not let it affect other areas of your life! DO NOT go throw your shit and anger on other people. When you fight with someone, the problem lies solely between you and that particular person. Other people should not have to suffer from your inability to control yourself.

Imagine it as physically putting a bubble around one problem and not allowing it to escape. When you learn to isolate your problems, you'll find that you will solve it quicker because you are not distracted. You won't be worrying about 1000000000 other things. Learn to separate yet balance life. It will tremendously cut down on stress, especially during the holiday seasons! 8)

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Truth is...

Before you meet the 'right guy,' you have all these expectations in your head. He has to dress like this, talk like this, walk that way, act like this, believe in that...etc.
What I have found is that none of that matters. The truth is--the only thing that matters is how big and often can he make you CHEESE! The others are just extra bonuses...

Confidence

I know I can make some arrogant ass remarks at times but it's really all for fun. If someone compliments me, I find it more amusing to say "oh I know." The response on their faces are hilarious because they totally expected a simple "thank you" from you. However, I must admit to lacking in the confidence department at times. Especially when it involves people I can't control, I always found myself giving up due to fear of failure/rejection aka no game. It has been an eventful weekend for myself and I love the wise women in my life that has taught me the reality of this world. There will be people in the world wanting the same things you desire, you better go out there and fight.  When you give up, you only close your own doors to opportunities.

I just get defeated so easily and become flustered with frustration that I typically walk away from the situation all together. Well no more, I vow from this day forward to fight in life for what is rightfully mine.

Thank you wise ladies... your love makes me a stronger woman everyday.
 

And I cannot ignore the good Lord above. I just feel so blessed. At times even when I give up, he gives me a second chance.  There seems to be nothing in life that I cannot accomplish or acquire. Thank you my most beloved God!!


To end with a quote:

"People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."
-Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross


So remember, confidence is easy when you get things your way. True confidence lies in the ability to fight when things aren't. 




"College girl with a 4.0. Good girl by day. Damn who would have known?
But when the lights go down and she's out on the floor. The freak comes out and she loses control..."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It's Not Christmas Without You




OMG!! Christmas is in a week and I'm no where near done with Christmas shopping! Shoot me!! This will be my first Christmas alone, not that I remember past Christmas to be any more pleasant. An argument or some form of disturbance always appeared around the holiday seasons. No drama I hope this year, but a cup of loneliness instead. Boooooo

Tuesday, December 14, 2010



I know this song is a bit old...but OMG..Ciara never ceases to amaze me. Home girl can DANCE!!

I'm good...I'm good

Yesterday all my teachers posted my grades and let's just say I am more than pleased to see that I have accomplished my goal. I will be graduating LSU with a 4.0 in 3.5 years. Journey wasn't easy. There were many nights of studying involved and tears that shed when I doubted myself or thought I lost the battle. Surprisingly, I wasn't as happy as I imagined myself. I honestly thought I would bounce off the wall, instead I just smiled.

It goes to show that we can't depend on external factors to make us happy. Without expecting our  environment to make us happy, we don't live a life of disappointments when things go wrong. That's not to say you can't allow your environment to bring you happiness, just don't be dependent on it.

Nonetheless, I am utterly proud of myself and thank the people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way when I felt like giving up.

Onto other happenings in my life, I am also proud to say for once in my life, I do not dread being single one bit. Just months (maybe even weeks) ago I kept wondering who the next mate will be but I have come to realize that 1.) I don't have time for a boyfriend since I might move 2.) I haven't been single long enough and still need time to myself 3.) this is my last chance for freedom before I head onto bigger and better things in life. Those are more than enough reasons to convince me that being single is the best status for myself. I think people confuse single with loneliness. Singledom is an essential time to learn how to be on your own. Sure, I might get lonely at times but I need to see for myself that I can be independent of others.

People also confuse single with abstinence. No. Single does not equate to sexless. Single just means no strings attached. Of course, single people do not have the luxury of a partner that is ATF (available to fuck) anytime, but single people have every right as the taken person to have sex as they wish. People shouldn't judge because it's really none of their business. At the same time, single people should understand that people will indeed judge.


The latest personal goal: to achieve core confidence. I often times allow what people say or do to me get under my skin. What other people say should not matter. People may be disrespectful towards me, but I'll save myself much anger and frustration if I develop core confidence so I don't let external factors bother me.

Oh I start working out tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP! Excited!!

Sorry for the long post...it's been a while.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Last Week Of Undergrad

FUCK YEAH!!!
Please excuse my language, but let's just plainly say I am quite ready to get the hell out of college!
Congratulations to those that have finish their finals and good luck to those that are testing soon. Ahem-LSU!! My life as a student isn't over yet so I'm certain I won't miss undergrad. If I can pull off this last semester with a 4.0, I will have to give myself a huge pat on the back. God knows my family won't. What can we do, it's a part of our culture. They are so proud but expressing it is equivalent to murder almost.

Wish me luck and pray for me please!! Hopefully my alarm goes off correctly every time.. lol
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!

Here's to working my butt off for the last 3.5 years for a fucking medal that's probably not worth any monetary value!! LMAO...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Back at Square One

Today has to be one of the worst days ever that I've had in a good while. I had an exam this morning for 9:30 am so I set my alarm clock for 6 so I would have 3 hours to study. Of all the days my alarm could have failed on me, why did it pick today? Alarm did not go off or I just didn't hear it altogether, who knows, but I ended up waking up at 8. Got ready, started studying and feel asleep... so I was late for my exam. During my exam, the computer froze and I had to start over. Then when I went to analyze my data, the freaking program didn't have it! So I had to download it, which froze the computer once again. On top of all this, I didn't look over one powerpoint yesterday and that costs me my A. There were two values I needed to memorize in order to interpret my results. Well, not knowing them meant I misinterpreted all my data that was worth 60% of my final exam.
Feeling like a fucking failure, I did the one thing I always do when life doesn't go my way. Breakdown and cry like a little bitch. Then I thought about how I tried so hard this summer to learn how to let go and not give in to my emotions. Yet there I was, in my car, breaking down...because I just needed to know two values, it would take 2 seconds to look at, and I couldn't even do that. Broke down because I planned responsibly to study for 3 hours. Broke down because I might end up with a B in the class. Broke down because I can't believe I read two books and I have failed to learn anything.

It's true that life will throw hardships at you, so why it is that I am still struggling? Why is it that I am so afraid of failure..or imperfections? Why is it I can't find peace among these difficulties?