Monday, November 21, 2011

If you saw the world thru God's eyes...

you would see past the shame.
you would see past the pain.
you would see past the anger.
you would see past the hatred.
and all you would see instead is love.

Those divine moments in life, where you feel such intense peace and clarity. Moments where the world finally all made sense to you, regardless of the pain and suffering that exist within it. Moments so rare in nature, yet so pure and memorable, it changes the way you view the world in its entirety forever.

The realization that evil and good must co-exist. A battle so necessary, a balance so crucial, it makes the world go round. However, what you ultimately decide to feel in your heart is yours to choose. And you may not always feel compassion and love at first, you may feel pain, shame, and hate. Yet that journey you take, the one that teaches you patience..the one that teaches you to love...the one that teaches you to understand, that journey will leave you as a person you have never imagined yourself capable.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Before the New Beginning

I guess I just want to give a review of the things I've learned in the last couple of months.

Never regret meeting anyone because every person that enters your life will somehow leave a mark no matter how large or small. Everyone you meet plays a role in shaping you so appreciate their very existence.

There are very few people who can view you objectively, many whom will view you subjectively. For the most part, people will choose to see good things in you. Once in a while, you'll bump into a few people that will see the opposite. There's nothing you can do because their eyes are their own and what they choose to see is their choice. It can be frustrating when you feel like you've done no wrong and you've tried so hard to get them to see otherwise, but accept it and move on. There are plenty others out there that will adore you as you are.

 Many will enter your life, some will truly love you, if only temporary. Enjoy it while you can, be thankful when it's gone. Hostility and bitterness won't bring them back. The love you should focus on is the love given by family. Though sometimes shaky and rocky, they always stand the testament of tribulations and time. The only non-blood related person that may earn that kind of love in your lifetime is your spouse. Therefore, choose wisely.

Time oddly reveals everything. The delusion you've created in your mind to protect yourself or others. In time, it will vanish and reality becomes clear. You can try to lie to yourself and make yourself love someone. You can try to lie and tell yourself you don't. True feelings can only hide for so long. Be honest with yourself and hopefully no one gets hurt. Sometimes that's just unavoidable...

 Before you throw the blame on others, you must first assess yourself. More common than not, you will find that you were equally as wrong. Both parties usually play a part, own up to it. Either mend the problem or accept it and move on.

When we talk of our own accomplishments, let's not belittle how others choose to live. Their life is their own, let their journey be filled with their own stories of struggle and defeat. You do you, hold your head high, and be proud. No need to step on others along the way.Your success is great for you, good job, you deserve a gold star. But talking about other people's lack of success doesn't make you any more successful.

The people that talk big are the people that don't know shit. I often find that the people worth listening to are really humble because they themselves believe they have a lot to learn. So if you feel as if someone is forcing 'knowledge' through your ears....RUN.

Overall, focus on yourself more than others. Focus on improving your life...don't worry about others. Let other people do whatever the hell they want to do. Bon Qui Qui from 5 blocks down the street who just got knocked up does not concern you. Solomon Roe who just failed English 2000 does not concern you. Your next door neighbor who just bought a new car does not concern you. Victoria Sanchez who got a boob job does not concern you. People's news are theirs to tell, so keep their names out of your mouth.  You just do you...

I hope this has help.. just a few things I've learned and I've got so much more to learn...

Also a video that will explain why you need to get rid of shitty people in your life... NOW.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Distant Memory

Ah's been quite a while since I've posted anything. And to be utterly honest, the posts will soon cease in existence. This blog was created about a year ago. From breakups to hookups and everything in between, I have recorded all of my memories here. All of my feelings, thoughts, experiences, poured into typographic font on the screen for the world to see. These memories, so cherished and valued at the time, somehow became a part of a distant past...all these memories soon transpired into a distant memory. Memories holding on for dear life that will soon disappear with the hands of time. Memories that will soon be forgotten.

Every new day makes us a new person.

The last year has been very special, extraordinary, and, ultimately, over.

Today a new chapter of my life begins. I have moved on and those memories and all whom were in it will soon vanish.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hate in My Heart

I try to spend little time as possible thinking about people's hate and negative energy directed towards me. From the beginning, my intention was never to promote a blog filled with hatred. And yet as of recent, I feel the inclination, the desire, the urge to seriously give all these fuckers my two cents. A close friend always told me it's easy to be at peace on a mountain in a far away land, but it's the ultimate test to be at peace in a busy New York City street.. something like that...

I've been keeping my distance from all the negativity and it's given me much peace but realistically there are times the negativity seems inescapable.

It's easy to love sweet, caring, loving people, which was why I always promoted the idea that one should surround themselves with people as such. However, the ultimate test for that beating heart of mine (and yours) is encountering the people in life that aren't as pleasant.

I admit, I feel much hatred in my heart but this is a challenge I'm willing to accept. I hope this experience will teach me the art of forgiveness and to love all, even those who deserve it the least.

 I hope you will also take the time in your life to grow love instead of hate. Please take the journey with me, I don't want to take it alone. If there is room for anger and hate, surely we can make room for love and peace.

After some reflection, I realized how patient and tolerant I became after dealing with these types of people for months. On my good days, I am able to treat them with courtesy without expecting anything in return. Not to say I don't have my bad days where I ignore them all together. Overtime, I have found it easier to treat them well regardless of their actions.

Wish me luck! I've come too far to regress or crack! Got to move forward...always moving forward...must keep going!!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Stuck Like Glue

"Stuck on and me baby...we're stuck like glue." 

Dropped off some food to the old man while he was at work today and as we were saying our farewells, he gave my hand a sweet little peck. There is just something so wholesome and innocent about a kiss on the hand. You can imagine I was smiling from the inside out. I am obsessed with him! Absolutely amazed by this love-a love so unfathomable, completely indescribable, and totally un-understandable.

I feel like jumping obnoxiously on a trampoline so I reach to the sky and give God a hug! A hug so grand to thank him for blessing me with this wonderful life.

Hope everyone out there is having a blessed day! Go tan in the sun, skip around in your underwear, eat some frozen yogurt, whatever your heart desires!!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it." 
                                                                                                 Audrey Hepburn

Caught Off Guard

Man my reflexes are slow...

Today I had a meeting with Dr. Eubanks (one of the head guys for the admission committee at LSUHSC). For some reason I thought I met him before so I was expecting a familiar face, but no.. out walks this short sweet looking man calling my name and I didn't know what to say.

"Nice to see you again Huong."
Be prepared for my ultimate fail...I stared at him and after a moment of silence. "Nice to meet you."
I was so confused I couldn't even play it off!

Well, we awkwardly entered his office and the meeting began. After a while, I eventually warmed up to him and my usual silly self was out again- in a good way.
Not much improvement needed for next year's application.
-More patient contact

Not much else was said besides positive remarks. Obviously, I'm an exceptional applicant aside from the one thing that's stopping me from MY DREAM!!! DARN YOU MCAT!!

Good news is I have plenty of time to prepare.

Hopefully I'll get in for the fall, but acceptance is definitely within reach for next year's round.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

You Make It Easier When Life Gets Hard

So as of recent, I have been placed on a waitlist- meaning NOT ACCEPTED (yet). Surprisingly I took it pretty well. Though hopeful, I kind of saw it coming. I imagine it would have been much harder to handle if I didn't have this one main component in my life- the old man! Moms were there to kiss our booboos as a child, unfortunately those kisses don't have the same effect anymore. As we grow older, we learn to depend on ourselves at some low point in our lives when there was no shoulder to lean on. And then, something lovely happens, this special someone will somehow enter your life and make the hard days instantly easier. Tears will be wiped, wounds will be healed, old scars will disappear. The worst of days become bearable and bad news manageable.

As cliche as this sounds... it's simply the truth...because at the end of the day, you have each other and that's enough. More than enough, the love you share will give you strength to keep fighting, to keep living, to keep going-no matter the circumstances.

Your lover will become your life adviser, your guidance counselor, your spiritual mentor, your therapist, your partner in crime, at times your punching bag, and ultimately your best friend.

Life was great while on your own, bu life is grand with your special someone.

 He totally agrees... lol... 8)

So let the intense studying begin, even if I don't get in this year, IT WON'T BE THE LAST OF ME LSU-NEW ORLEANS!!!


Ordered the album today and can't wait to play her in my car. She is just simply amazing...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Loving Yourself

For an enhanced reading experience, please play the song while reading. LOL 

I believe...loving yourself isn't about accepting your flaws and all. It isn't about being okay with what you don't like about yourself. Loving about putting in the time and effort to change those things you don't like so you can become the best 'you' you can ever even dare or dream to be...

Loving yourself is working out until your shirt is dripping wet with sweat for that body you've always wanted or the desired health.
Loving yourself is studying into the wee hours of the night for that big A+..for nothing beats a proper education in life.
Loving yourself is going to church, the temple, the synagogue, the mosque, the little quiet quaint place in your heart as often as possible to tend to your spiritual health.
Loving yourself is giving a crap about what you look like. Self-presentation isn't about impressing others, it's about caring enough to give a damn about yourself. You are one sexy ass human-being, take care of that sexy ass and take the extra 5 mins to put on a nice shirt.
Loving yourself is learning everything you've always wanted to learn-piano, guitar, dancing, singing...algebra. Everything and anything.
Loving yourself is dancing in front of the mirror or singing at the top of your lungs..just for the hell of it...because it feels good.
Loving yourself is fixing anything you dislike about yourself- that short temper, lack of patience, lack of ambition, the ego the size of the universe, or the 'take me or leave me' mentality.
Most importantly, loving yourself is about loving others. We are created equal. We are all connected, linked. To love yourself is to love and respect others, to love and respect mother nature, to love and respect this magnificent creation we're all a part of in some way.

Love yourself today. Stop taking the easy way out by saying, 'this is who I am, this is just who I am, take it or leave it, this is who I am.'
No, take the path less taken and actually be you...the 'you' you've always wanted to be.

Friday, May 6, 2011

I Need You

"...sweet attention, love and tenderness, when it's real, it's unconditional.."

I couldn't agree more with Miss Keys!! If you can listen to this song and not fully understand her words, you haven't found the right person yet.

As beautiful and wonderful as love may be, I find it to be one of the most terrifying things in the universe. This thing...this multi-dimensional unexplainable thing we call love- scares me shitless. The lack of control over my emotions, the dependency on my beloved, the near death experience I feel when we spend some time apart. It's all a bit overwhelming to say the least.

What's so scary about it?
Well, the scary thing is waking up in the morning and thinking...
I can't imagine life without him.
What would I ever do without him?
How can I ever live without him?
I can never be without him.
I need him.

And everyday you pray..
You pray that nothing will ever take him away, that nothing will ever give him a change of heart, that nothing shall ever harm him.You pray that he'll always be there, right beside you. And you pray that he will love you silly as you have loved him.

I'm not a commitment phobe, far from it actually. But I sometimes feel like giving up on our relationship because I am so afraid to get hurt. Because I'm afraid to be so dependent on someone else. So afraid that if he gets taken away from me, I wouldn't know how to let go of the pain.

That is until he gave me the reassurance I needed:
"... and I need you. That's what makes life so beautiful. People spend their whole lives looking for someone they need, someone they can't live without. We're lucky to have each other..."

So yes..I need him and I'm okay with that.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Time to Buckle Down

I  have seriously been chillaxing for the last couple of months ever since I graduated(~4 months ago). Originally planned to take the MCAT in March, which totally did not happen. I hate that test!! I've never been the lazy type when it comes to school-related things but I am just not digging that test.
It's disappointing because I know I'm more than capable yet I've made it so hard on myself by continuously putting it off. Life is not that complicated- set a goal, put in the work, achieve the goal.

Well, this is it. This is going to be my last time taking this damn exam! I have a little over a month to give it my all. I have found that it's best to take it one day at a time and stop focusing on the test date, counting down the days til when it's over. Like Will Smith said..

"You don’t set out to build a wall, you don’t say I am going to build the biggest baddest wall that has ever been built, you don’t start there, you say I am going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid and you do that ever single day until you have a wall."

So that's the plan, each day I promise to study for a minimum of 4 hours. And each day I will focus solely on the material in front of me and nothing else until the test date arrives. Then I will go in there and beast it because I've done the required work. Wish me luck guys!!

Just a little bit of sacrifice for a brighter future...I can do this, I can do this, I can do this...

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Year in Review

WOW..woke up this morning and realized that me and the ex broke up around this time last year. That was ridiculously quick!

And my.. it's crazy how much has change within a year.

We still chit chat now and then. Mostly to catch up or when I want his opinion on something. I would say things are great between us. No hostility, that's for sure. Couldn't ask for a better post-relationship. Appears as though he is doing extremely well for himself. We are healthier-happier human-beings and separating was by far the best decision we ever made.

Onto myself, lost the ego somewhere along the lines of time. It was a much needed process. If my head was to get any bigger, I seriously think it would have exploded. Like I've said before, I might have delayed my medical school entrance and sacrificed a year of my life. But the trade is well worth it because I became such a better person. If only there was a way to do both! Nonetheless, I have no regrets, just a tiny amount of shame..if that makes any sense at all. Basically, I am happy with who/what I have become and therefore grateful for the path that brought me here.

The single life post-breakup was wonderful with the support of family and friends! It was a truly unique experience to meet new people and celebrate youth in full throttle. Thank you to all those (especially Hong ^_^) that made it possible. During that special time, I was privileged enough to meet the man that I hope to wake up to for the rest of my life.

I promise developing a romantic relationship with him was a shocker to myself more than others. Til this day, I still can't believe we're together and happily at it! It appears as if the feelings arose out of thin air... like magic? That's love after all, right? I have yet to meet someone that makes me feel so confident and loved. He makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. He encourages and adores my bizarre behavior. He's supportive of my actions, my dreams, and aspirations. Tells me that I'm beautiful...even with my hair cut short like a teenage boy! Pinches my cheeks. Hugs me tightly. Kisses me abundantly. Makes sure the covers are on me so the stupid mosquito that somehow got into our room won't bite me in the middle of the night. And best of all, there's no one that can calm and comfort me like he does when I'm angry, upset, scared, or nervous. He can make the the worst rainy days feel like a breezy sunny day at the beach! I LOVEEEEEEEE HIM!!

We were extremely cautious and debating whether we should start anything at first because we both still have much in life to take care of, but when something brings you such happiness and security, why would you allow yourself to past up something so profound and special!?

So yes, a lot has occur in one year...a lot of spectacular things and I hope there's more to medical school acceptance...*HINT HINT GOD!! That would really make this year THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!! LOL... just kidding, whatever that man above has planned for me, I trust he will play my life out in my best interest. Regardless of what happens tomorrow, let us all enjoy today with joy and love.

Friday, April 29, 2011


It's currently 4:00 am. I have to wake at 9:30 am. I am no where near shut eyes.

Let's talk about life...

Recently I've picked up a serving job in a small town sushi restaurant. It's been a while since I worked, basically since high school. I always wanted to wait tables because I heard it's a challenging job along with fast cash. In desperate need, I called a good friend to hook me up with the job. Trained for about 1.5 weeks and then I was thrown into the wild.

What they say about the serving industry is true to a certain extent...but most people make it sound worst than what it really is. Yes, you run into ALL kinds of people. Sometimes horrible, mean, shitty tipping bastards. But the majority of your customers will tip you at least 15% on average, usually more. I run into more friendly people but of course bad experiences are more easily remembered. It's good money at the end of the day, even when you have to put up with 10% of your crap customers.

Money aside, you learn A LOT. It truly is a humbling experience. Since it's my first time serving, I cannot deny that I make quite a bit of mistakes. Given that I have gotten a lot better, there's still much to learn. For example, today a woman ordered a steak and it wasn't cooked to her liking. I apologized and talked to the chef...yeah no help. In short, I just apologized and did nothing about it. It was such a busy night I also forgot her soup. After she paid and left, what remained was a quarter and a note: NOT AT ALL HAPPY WITH YOUR SERVICE. EVEN AFTER SOMETHING WAS SAID ABOUT THE STEAK. WILL NOT BE COMING BACK.

I was so upset...not because she left that message...but because I failed at my job. At first I was angry, defense mechanism..totally normal. Then I was saddened, because I couldn't believe I made someone unhappy, that someone was not pleased with my service. Headed home, tears held back.

After a shower I realized that though it hurts to have someone say those things to me. I would have never learned otherwise. My service was truly horrible and she was doing me a favor by having the balls to tell me. Sure, she could have done it in a nicer way, but that's the reality of life. Never in a million years would I imagine to find myself thinking in such a manner. Taking the blame in full accountability. Accepting all faults and moving on.

Lesson learned?

In life, lessons are often learned through mistakes. And those mistakes won't be easy on the heart and soul, but healthy for the improvement of the mind.

I can't say I love my job, but it's teaching me quite a bit.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hairy Mess

Just got done scheduling a hair appointment for Saturday afternoon! This girl here charges $60 and she better be worth every freaking penny! Wish me luck...will post pictures soon. 8) 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm so ready for a major alteration in environment. More than ready, desperate. I want to see new architecture...heck, new crown molding! I've lived here practically my whole life. It's time. Time to explore the world. Time to be on my own. Time to see new things, experience new things, meet new people.

I get more irritated and frustrated day by day...same faces, same voices, the same people. I'm grateful for the current stability, but this stagnant part of my life needs to quicken to an end. I'm tired, bored, becoming restless with the same ole same ole.

LIFE! Where are your new days? New tomorrows? Fresh starts and new beginnings?

Friday, April 22, 2011

On the mornings I get to wake up to his scent and presence, my God, I just know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I feel so blessed and lucky to have him. I never knew such a type of love existed. When I look at him, it's like nothing else in the world matters, just me and him...a warmth in my heart arises, my breath shallows. His face in focus and the rest a blur. When he wraps his arms around me, I feel unimaginably safe and secure. If the world ended then and there, I would surely die a happy peaceful death. 

I know I try to rationalize every aspect of my life and I may come off a bit cold, but there is no logical explanation for this thing between the two of us. I can happily surrender to the unknown...

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Other Half's Luck

...okay more than half, more like 60%. I would say meeting the right guy is about 60% luck, 20% timing, and 30% patience.
It's about not settling.
It's about eliminating immediately the people that would waste your time.
It's about sticking to the standards you've created for yourself. 
You see...we all get a little bit lonely sometimes and we tend to cling onto the very next person that makes a move. Building a human connection isn't that hard people, why do we tear up when Mufasa was cruelly murdered by his evil jerk brother? A freaking cartoon lion on the television screen! Because we're humans, we're compassionate, understanding, empathetic, loving creatures...for the most part. If we can hurt for a cartoon lion, we can definitely and easily develop feelings for another human being that may not necessarily be meant for us. Therefore, we must not even allow those people into our lives or else we'll be fighting a battle that's was long over from the get go. Then we'll waste the next couple of years of our lives trying to love and stick to a person we quite don't understand nor get along with.
Years wasted, time wasted, love wasted.

While I was single last year, did I get lonely at times? Sure. Could I have called up a guy to find temporary comfort? Sure. Did I? Absolutely not.

People may try to hook you up with others. People may try to convince you that you and so-and-so are so perfect together. You may try to convince yourself. But if that person does not meet your criteria, don't even think about it!

Follow your own heart, march to the beat of your own drum... this is your life.
Be patient, have faith, and PRAY. LOL. He's out there somewhere, I promise.

Just remember having a connection with someone is easy, wanting to spend the rest of your life with them is hard. So before you decide to commit or give your heart to someone, could you imagine potentially loving this person to pieces fifty years down the line? If the answer is yes, give it a shot. If no, say bye-bye.

I really liked this song when I heard it for the first time last summer. Listening to it again while in love with the ong gia gives it a whole new dimension. Oh how beautiful is it that love can change the way we see the world...everything in life seems so much richer.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Nobody's Perfect

I promise baby I will try my best to speak with consideration. I have the worst habit of running my mouth without thinking and I hate that my words could cause you so much pain. I am so grateful to have an understanding partner like yourself. Thank you for being patient and taking the time to understand my true intentions. Nobody's perfect, but I will try my damnest to treat you with the best of my capabilities.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

You Make Me Wanna Say..

I do...

We are soon approaching the four month mark and I am amazed at what we have established thus far. I am absolutely in love with you in every way. I've never felt this way before. Never been happier in my life. I thank the Lord for you every single day and night. I no longer desire the finer or bigger things in life. I don't care for a big rock or a fancy wedding. You've changed the way I view life so much for the better. Our love is all I need...all I want.
Though we have quite a bit of time before marriage is even in the picture, I can so see us spending our lives together.

I'm stupid crazy excited for what's in store for us. I love you baby!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Aurora Borealis

I haven't got the chance to witness the northern lights just yet, but I imagine I would experience a similar feeling to when the ong gia holds me...simply breathtaking.
Definitely up there on my bucket list.

Monday, April 11, 2011



A disastrous combination, a most difficult task at hand. But any love worth having is a love worth fight for. 

It's easy to give up when it gets tough. Easy to build a wall around my heart. Easy to put up a 'NO BS' policy. No... I don't want to fear life and all its obstacles. I don't want to hide or run away. I don't want to have regrets. No looking back and wishing I would have done things differently.

No matter what our future holds, at least I know I gave it my all. I didn't know you were capable of causing me so much pain, but I will try my best to forgive. I know I may hate myself if I don't give us another chance.

I don't want to appear normal on the surface but really be broken inside because of my pride or ego. I love you very much and I want nothing more than for us to work out.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

My excruciatingly temporary and fragile are our very existence...
Breathing one moment and dead the next...
In love one moment and hated the next...
Happy one moment and sad the next...
Together one moment and broken the next...
Forever-ever? There's simply no such thing.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I am so madly, deeply, insanely in love with you...

                ...and I'm on my way to believing...

Friday, April 1, 2011

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Evil in Me

Skylar Grey couldn't have sung it better, "even angels have their wicked schemes..."

I honestly try my bestest to be a person filled with good intent. It takes a true conscious effort on my part. I am constantly surveying my thoughts and actions. Re-evaluating what has been said and done, constructing what needs to be said and done. Most of the time, I am pretty satisfied with my words and actions. However, when I start to witness the evil in me, I couldn't possibly be more upset and disappointed in myself. I know we all have it in us, the dark side...  a side of me I rather not have exist.

It is the very demon inside us that drives the seven deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.

Such a discouraging feeling arises when I see such ugliness exist in myself.

And today I witnessed envy.

You see, the thing about me is..if I like you, I am happy when you're happy...I am sad when you are sad, I will ride or die for you. On the other hand, if you are on my bad side, I want nothing more than for you to fail miserably at life. I want you to lack what I have. In my eyes, you don't deserve anything but crap. 

Sure, on the surface, I have to tell myself how horrible I am for wishing ill upon these people and then I convince myself that I really don't want these things for them. That I want their relationships to fall apart, their goals to fail, their possessions to be of little value... their life to be shit. It's almost as if maybe their life sucking will somehow make up for the pain they have caused me.

We can hide these things on the surface, but to be honest with ourselves, deep down...we experience pleasure when the less than fortunate occurs. So I won't lie to myself. Yes, I feel those things, and I hate myself for feeling it. But heck.. acceptance is the first step to change. I sure hope to see progress in my reactions from now on. Any little bit of improvement will be welcomed!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Timing is Everything

So recently an ex-crush from the past contacted me for a lunch date. Well...being madly in love with the old man, the lunch date was obviously out of the question. But the situation begs me to question, what is the most important factor that contributes to the fate of two individuals that want to share even a little bit of their lifetime together?  Hm... I got to say timing is everything.

If this guy would have chosen his contact time more wisely, his chances at winning my heart would have increased ten folds. But since he picked one of the worst times to make the move...his shot at love is at approximately zero chance, zero percent.

Even for the old man and I, the timing was perfect. If either one of us were to make the move at any other given time, our shot at love would have decreased dramatically.

This goes to show we must be wise at managing our time, because it makes all the difference in the world. Not with just relationships, but every aspect of our lives. When we eat, sleep, study, work, party..all of it has an effect on our lives.

Yeah, I could possibly sit here and ponder on what it would be like to be with that guy or how things would turn out but why? I'm so completely satisfied with my old man, no one could possibly tamper with his significance. I'm committed to that old geezer 100% and wouldn't want it any other way...8)

Timing has done me well..

Monday, March 28, 2011

Hey Baby...I Think I Wanna Marry You

I know it's only been three months and counting, but I've never been this swept away. I swear the two of us are going to spend the rest of our lives together..I just know it.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Wish Come True...

She truly is a wish come little bundle of tiny bite-size munchkin... <3
Yet, she's getting so big, so quick! I still remember holding this little 10 lb baby and just look at her now..she even has her ears pierced!  I'm so grateful that her parents would give me the privilege of being their little girl's god-mother.

Truly, nothing beats having this big brown-eyed princess laughing and smiling back at you after a tickle session.

Indeed, life has been very kind to me as of late. 
-I got a new job, yes...about time! It will be part-time and just for pocket change until I'm done with my MCAT, then I can go beast mode in bread-making so I can TRAVEL all summer!!! Well, that's the plan at least.
-I've gained quick a few pounds since school ended. More sleep + more food + less stress = more fat! Haha..thank goodness I've joined the gym with the old man so this extra baggage should be taken in of in a month-two months TOPS.
-Old man loves and treats me very well...I'd do anything for that geezer!
-And the obvious-a beautiful little baby girl that makes my heart flutter with happiness.

There's not a day that goes by where I don't feel grateful for what the Lord has given. I look around and all I can see are the beautiful people that I love very much. I couldn't ask for more. 

Just a quick update for my readers..thank you for following me all along. I hope my amateur writing skills have entertained you thus far and will continue to do so... 8)

Nothing More Special Than Us

...and our love...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Unattainable Peace

I like to think of the world as good, and for the most part I still believe that to be true. There are many things we cannot control in the world, but the one thing, or person more so,we can control is ourselves. Maybe that's why many self-help books seem to emphasize on this unrealistic belief of peace, love, and optimism in the world. Since you're the only person you can control, you might as well be one extra mother effer that believes and promotes the more positive aspects of life. It's a big, big world out there, but for the majority of your life you get to see, oh what, 2% of it..if even? It's the same thing everyday-house, car, work, home again. That's the world in our eyes and we might as well make the best of it.

On to my point, what is it with this world peace thing? Realistically, it's impossible..for now at least. In the past, when everything was fine and dandy in my was easy to believe in something as world peace, because it existed in my own little world. When turmoil surfaced, people's true colors were exposed. It brings me to question if I cannot attain peace within my own little circle of friends that consists of less than 10 people, how can we possibly attain a peace that is wide-spread among 7 billion people in the world? Uh..yeah good luck with that.

I'm not trying to be cynical or pessimistic. It's just at some point I have to snap out of the sheltered mentality that everything/everybody is good and it's going to be okay.

Once again however, I stress the point that you should still make every attempt for peace in your own life and for the people around you. If it works out...great, but if not, hey you did your part and that's all that matters.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Three Small Words

I felt it and I knew you felt it too, but we were both afraid those three small words perhaps shouldn't be spoken too soon. And when the moment seemed just right, you allowed those beautiful three simple small words to slip ever so gently from your lips...'i love you.' 
My heart skipped a beat.
A vivacious fire lit inside my chest.
And a tingling sensation surged through my body, the sensation amplified at the tips of my limbs.
'i love you too' (and quite possibly more).


Friday, March 18, 2011



Something rather refreshing has happened as of late. We have decided that our relationship will no longer take the form of a fling. We are giving up on the whole summer break up idea and a sense of liveliness has since taken its presence in our relationship. No more holding back, no more protecting or shielding fragile hearts, no more cloudy days...

It feels as if a huge ray of sunshine has burst into our lives. And though gas prices are sky high and our gas tanks may be on E, happiness and warmth fill our hearts to FULL.

So yes, I did potentially sacrificed getting into medical school this year because I decided to take the time I had to fall in love with a beautiful human-being instead. However, he has given me a new outlook on life. Now I have the chance and opportunity to aim higher. I am starting to consider going out-of-state. Which requires me to do extra well on the MCAT, and it may sound silly that I didn't try hard on my own before, people only work the minimum amount necessary, but having him makes me want to go the extra mile.

The best of luck to us my old man... I hope this lasts forever...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Don't Let Me Fall

"Well, it was just a dream.
Just a moment ago. 
I was up so high, looking down at the sky. 
Don't let me fall."

We all know that what goes around comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
With happiness, follows pain.
To have one, you must also receive the other.
Well, he is my up, he is my happiness, he is my one, he is my everything.
Please don't take that away from me.

"Cause I put my pain, my heart, my soul, my faith in this..."

Monday, March 14, 2011

You are the Center of the Universe, right? WRONG!

" are in the in-sig-nif-fi-cant-ness. When Beyonce said to the left, to the left, you can't get no left, that's how irrelevant you are..."
laugh. out. loud.
omg, he cracks me up.

When I entered the single life last year, my interaction with people increased significantly... obviously due to the fact my time was no longer consumed by a boyfriend. What I began to notice in people was a heightened sense of self-importance. People seem to feel as if they are the center of the universe and the world supposedly revolves around them. A lot of people do it, including myself I'm sure. Maybe it stems from the attention we got as children from our parents. Maybe it stems from insecurities. Or arrogance...or simply we feel the need to exist in a world filled with so many other individuals resembling ourselves. We desire the importance to somebody...anybody. Regardless of the self-absorbency's origin, at one point of another we have to come to the realization that we are NOT the center of the universe and the world in fact DOES NOT revolve around us. People have bigger and better things to worry about than you. People have bigger and better things to do than talk about you. People have bigger and better things to do than give you funny looks.

People's need to feel special and significant is just sickening at times. Go eat a can of humility and do the world some good instead of thinking everything is about you...thank you.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Yep, I can feel it. Any day now... and I'm going to blurt out those three simple words. I'm glad he feels the same. 8)

the warmth...
the happiness...
the attachment...
the dedication...
the borderline dependency...
the borderline love...

There's only one thing two do three words four you...because you the best I ever had.

Friday, March 11, 2011

It's a Celebration

Our First Mardi Gras 
 I am so happy I celebrated my first Mardi Gras with the ong gia. Though we didn't get to enjoy a full parade, we were able to experience a glimpse of it, hence the single bead dangling from our necks. A celebratory time indeed. Cheers to us honey and may the passion we share grow more exuberant as each day passes...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Perfect Fight

"...we fit perfectly..." -ong gia

In the beginning, the two of us were under the impression that we were starting something temporary, a couple of months at most. Honestly, only time will tell, but I'm not quite digging the idea of us ending anytime soon. We spent so much freaking time/energy contemplating our fate and ended up together anyways. Started out as friends and flowered into something so much more. No matchmaker, no middle man, just two people drawn to one another by the natural laws of attraction. Okay.. I lied, there was a little bit help along the way. Nonetheless, everything worked out nicely like puzzle pieces falling into place.

We had our first fight the other night, not exactly the right timing because we were out of town trying to have a good time. You know how special occasions can be stressful at times. It is scary to think we both had it in our heads that it was over at that moment. Once he broke the silence, all I could do was hold onto him and apologize a thousand times. No surprise, yes...I started the stupid fight and I swear to never do something that dumb ever again. We have resolved our problems and it's more clear than ever that we both want this. We both don't want to lose what we have. I know I've mentioned this before and excuse me but I must say it again, he is more than I could ever ask for, more than what I dare to dream, and we fit perfectly... 8)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Giving Up on Half-Empty Glasses

I often wonder if people knows what it feels like to live in a world where nothing is ever good enough.
A world where the grass always appear greener on the other side. This constant unsatisfying desire for more,  a flaw picking monster.
It's the reason I'll remove all my freshly done nails if I get a little nick in one tiny little corner.
It's the reason I'll break down into sobs and tears if I get a B.
It's the reason I'll leave a relationship when they make one mere mistake.
It's my unreasonable search for perfection. This delusional flawless world I've created in my head, and my obsession to match it with reality.

Well I'm giving up on half-empty glasses. No more of this nonsensical dreaming, it's time I start appreciating all I've been given, all I've been blessed with....
a functioning body
a peaceful mind 
a loyal family
a compassionate boyfriend
supportive friends
a thriving community
an education
and much more...


Tuesday, March 1, 2011


 Lately, I've been feeling a lot of resentment towards my mother, which causes me to avoid her at all costs because I'll probably snap at her at any given moment. Lo-and-behold, I couldn't avoid her any longer and a full-blown argument ensued today. Though I did lose my cool here and there, I luckily remained calm enough to explain my feelings to her so that by the end of our argument, we moved past anger and frustration.

She was yapping once again about how I go out so much. Which I agree is a valid point, I have been home less as of late. I explained to her that the world is so vast, I have so much to see, going out is a healthy way for me to learn and there's no need for her to worry. Then she replied in the only way she knew how, I only nag because I care about you. And again that may be a valid point, but it's quite an unreasonable method of showing someone you care. So I explained to her, and I honestly think this got to her because she got quiet after this point. I explained that once I enter medical school, I won't have the opportunities to go out, enjoy life, and see the world. Once I finish medical school, I'll be worried about finding a job, getting married, having kids. I will never have what I have now, which is the freedom, time, and flexibility to just go out there and live life.

I think we can both agree on that one for now, so hopefully she will be more understanding in the future.

So my chance of entering medical school in the fall have decreased since I decided to take my MCAT later than previously planned. I was upset at myself at first but I have come to realize that though I'll have to take a year off, there's a lot I can learn and do in a year. As long as I use the year off efficiently and productively, it won't be a total lost. Sure, there's some disappointment in the fact that I didn't do something right, that I made a mistake, that I'm imperfect in some way but that realization also taught me humility. Sacrificing a year off, but gaining consciousness, a more loving heart, and humility along the way sounds like a worthwhile mistake to me. So yes, I might not be in medical school immediately according to my picture perfect plan, but this is real-life anyhow. Shit happens.

Same ole same ole for the most part.
Friendships have always been in an inconstant ever-changing state for me. Though I've gotten a lot better about it, I kind of suck at friendships. I honestly try the best I can, sometimes it's enough, other times...not so much. But if there's anything I've learned from the past 21 years of living about friendship, it would be that they are extremely healthy as long as two people are getting along, but it can get quite nasty when differences start to appear. So I have a habit of running when things go sour, which is probably why I don't have that many friends... like I said...I'm not very good at it.

As for my love life, I have never been happier. He makes me feel as if every selfless act I've done in the past somehow managed to provide me with the golden ticket to him aka karma. When everything else in my life may seem unsatisfactory, he makes it all better. Sure, he has his own flaws and faults, as do I. We are human at the end of the day and this is no fairy tale, but when two people just click- there is something unfathomably beautiful and magical about it. I still remember the first day we met, I remember thinking to myself how irresistibly attractive he was at the Wine Loft. I still remember the friendly, innocent, and completely harmless flirting I bestowed upon him during our friendship. I still remember how quiet and mysterious he appeared, which made me even more attracted and drawn to him. I still remember the night I felt something more. I remember the weeks I spent wanting more. I remember the night we shared something more. I remember it all.
I can't bear the thought of being without him. He means the world to me and like I said before, God brought him to me and God may take him away but this man has altered the way I view the world for the better. He has reset my standards. He is the reason I will never settle for mediocrity. He is the person that have shown me a glimpse of what it's like for two people to love and care for one another in a balanced fashion. He makes me very happy, very happy indeed.

Friday, February 25, 2011

You Are a Fast-Food Restaurant

"I loved you so much that I thought someday that you could change but all you brought me was a heart full of pain..."

I truly value my relationships with the people that have gained my trust and love. Though I admit I'm quite gullible, it's not an easy task to acquire my trust. Very few have succeeded and it breaks my heart when those rare relationships fall apart. However, I'm not here to rant about how I vow to never trust again or how I might build a brick wall around my heart. No, I'm here to talk about acceptance. When a relationship ends, you can sit there and think about all the energy, time, and efforts you put in. You can get angry at how you tried so hard, or that you loved so much, or you gave so many. You can allow the resentment to soil and blacken your tender heart.

Or you can accept the fact that you gave it your all, your 100%, correction 110%. You have no regrets. A slight dusting of the shoulder and you can move forward with no thoughts of looking back.

So sure, you did do a lot for that person...for all the right reasons. You wanted to be a good friend, lover, daughter, sister, brother, whatever. You did the best you could have, and that's all that matters.

When relationships end, it's not necessarily a failure on anyone's part. Usually, they end due to differences. Differences of values, beliefs, lifestyles, morality, principles, etc. Sometimes, two people are just too different to make it work.

Regardless of why or how it ended, the reality is people come and go. You are like a fast food restaurant in a sense. Some will drive-thru, some will sit in, some will work there for the rest of their lives. Accepting the inevitable is easier than fighting against it.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I See You

My blog has become somewhat of a journal consisted of me recording the special moments I have with my ong gia (old man), that's what I call him 8)
And though this information may be meaningless and borderline vomit-inducing to others, it is crucial that I record the noteworthy times I very much cherish. This is the first time in my life I feel so at peace with another human-being, I want to be able to recollect it anytime I want.

If you even semi-know me, you know that religion means the world to me.  Though I look for other things such as compatibility in my relationships, similar religious background is absolutely necessary for me to even consider marriage.

Well, my ong gia went to church with me today so he can get a glimpse of the world through my eyes. The best part was that he offered to come with. It was so cute...his observing eyes scanning the church's architecture, his confusion as we kneel, sat, stood up, etc., him asking about the Eucharist, him holding my hand during 'Our Father' prayer. I couldn't help but smile the whole time.
I greatly appreciate his efforts and beautiful open-mind. I appreciate that he wanted to get to know me actively by checking out the source of my morals and values.
I never plan or even dare dream of him converting. He is who he is and I respect that. Regardless, it meant the world that he was so willing to venture into my world. No matter what our future holds, I will hold him dear in my heart.  He is a very selfless individual and I pray to God that he will bless my ong gia with a successful life rich in joy, peace, love, wealth, and health. He deserves it all and more!!

Emotional Awareness

What is emotional awareness?
Well, it is the awareness of your emotions. That may be simply put but in reality it's an ability harder to acquire than you think. Most of us react to our surroundings and environment.
For example, someone cuts you off on the road, you get angry.
In that moment when you are reacting, you can do extremely foolish things because you aren't all...just reacting.
Let's say you're at a party and someone makes a smart ass comment towards you. You feel incline to say something just as smart or even more insulting in return. And that builds tension between not only the two people involved but everyone present in the room that can feel the negative energy circulating.
However, I find that it's much wiser to take a step back and become aware of the anger arising in you. Then to evaluate the best way to handle the situation, in this's actually better to keep quiet and ignore the person all together because everyone is just out for a good time, why ruin it just so you can feel like you got back at someone?
These are only examples of anger because it's an emotion I have to deal with daily.
But there are many other emotions for us to be aware of: happiness, excitement, sadness, etc.
We need to be aware of what we feel, when we feel it, and question why do we feel it. Not only that but also how will we respond to the way we feel.

People need to be more responsible for the actions resulted from their emotions.

I think one of the scariest yet beautiful thing to witness is attraction between people. I have a knack for picking up sexual energy and sometimes the energy is only one-way. It's almost a tragic thing to watch, when one is practically throwing themselves at another person because they allow their emotions to get the best of them. Or worst, when I see already taken people interact with another person they're attracted to behind their significant other's back. And usually, these people are completely unaware of their attraction to this other person and convince themselves that they're just being friendly. Thus, you commonly hear the excuse... "it just happened." No, the attraction was there, you just decided to ignore it. If people were more aware of how they felt inside, things would not 'just happen.'

Stop reacting to the world around you and start being in charge and control of your actions.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tired of my Hair

I am so bored with my hair and need ideas quick!! I was thinking of going pixie short for a while but changed my mind because I remembered what a pain in the butt it was for my hair to grow out so I don't think I'm ready to chop it all off...just yet. For the new year I had side swept bangs and it entertained me for a while until it grew out. Now I'm back to the middle split, which I'm quick satisfied with just because I can pull it off. I'm thinking about getting blunt bangs. I had blunt bangs when I had shorter hair but wasn't too fond of it, now that my hair is longer maybe I can pull it off better??

I don't want anything too drastic but definitely craving a change. Any ideas!?!

I'm thinking about blunt bangs like the girl in the middle.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Meet the Parents

Yes, the ever so nerve-wrecking moment everybody dreads has appeared sooner than expected- yesterday I met the rents. Just 1.5 months into our newly developed relationship, I most definitely debated whether I was ready to meet them. But what could be better than meeting the very people from which your lover stemmed from? Their values, beliefs, good looks and charm, their very existence is all thanks to these two special individuals. It went well to say the least. I hid behind him as the front door opened and shyly greeted them. They was so kind though and the butterflies soon went away.  I even got to chit-chat with his mom alone along the Biloxi coastline as we discussed life and I got insight into the way she thinks as well as him. It's a totally different bonding experience when you meet family.

I especially enjoyed our ride to his rents and back. Listening to music and resting on his shoulder, talking and laughing. Like I said, it's only been 1.5 months but I feel like we've known each other so much more than time can offer. We had our 'what are we exactly?' talk again...and of course I told him the title does not mean anything to me, that we make each other happy, that I belong to him completely and that's all that matters..

You see title or not, my love for him will not be more or less. My heart doesn't need a title to feel complete. All I need is for him to treat me well. All I want is loyalty, faith, and trust. All I want is peace, happiness, and joy. And so far..he's done a wonderful job...8)

Monday, February 14, 2011

So Much Better When We're Together

My mind is quite obsessed with the future. I'm constantly thinking of what's going to happen ten years from now. How many kids do I plan to have? Who do I plan to marry? How will I make money? The list goes on... the trouble with consuming my mind with the future is I leave very little time to enjoy the present moment. God has recently introduced a beautiful human being in my life and I'm so concerned that my time with him might interfere with my future, I even thought of ending the relationship with this person that makes me very-berry-merry happy.

Well, my youth shall not be wasted. This is the time in my life where I can enjoy freedom with very little responsibility. Later on when career, family, and kids come into play,  I will never be able to retract nor relive these years.

So cheers to enjoying my youth and cheers to living in the present moment.

It is Valentine's Day after all...wouldn't be right without some cheesy romantic words thrown here and there.

For the next couple of months, I vow to follow my heart.
Cause I have yet to find someone that makes me smile the way you do, feel safe the way you do, feel peace the way you do, love life the way you do. It's so much better when we're together...

Friday, February 4, 2011


Currently working on renaming as well as redesigning my blog... this may take a while...

EDIT: After about 30 minutes of fiddling around with the templates from, I think I'm quite satisfied with the overall look...for now.

Here's the song that contributed to my new blog title.

Before the blog title was "In Search of Faith and Truth" because I was mentally and very much spiritually lost when I initially started the blog. I've found that the search for faith and truth never ends and will be a continuous journey for the rest of my life. However, somewhere along the way since I've started the blog, I have found much peace within myself and that title no longer seems fitting.

Onto the next journey of my life, the aspiration to love truthfully, faithfully, endlessly... for as long as I keep breathing...the following will be words from a heart that's pounding...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Madam Whinesalot

For the New Year (according to the Chinese calendar), I wholeheartedly wish I could sit here and feel joy, optimism, peace. It's only right to start off the new year in such manner, yet here I am feeling frustrated, slightly angry, and most disappointingly-whiny&bitchy.

I guess I can blame it on the hormones, it is that time of the month after all. However, something tells me it's more than that. Something tells me I don't feel compelled to complain only when my hormones are acting up, though I do find it harder to resist around that time. I feel compelled to complain...most the the time. Whether it's school, friends, relationships, myself, I will nitpick the hell out of my life until I find something to complain about. It's my talent...if I earned a dime for every complaint I ever made, I would be one rich mother effer.

So, I can sit here some more and question why the hell I complain so much, which will probably lead to more frustration and whining. Or I can just stop. If only it was that simple, right? Well, it takes time to build a habit.

I find that the first step to changing is the recognition that change is needed. And trust me, no one is more sick of my whining voice by this point than myself, so recognition-check. My second step is to change my attitude, point of view, perspective, whatever you want to call it. When the urge to complain arises, I must remember there are far bigger and better things to worry about. I must remember that I am about to waste up to 30 minutes of my life whining about something rather insignificant- and by doing so I am just spreading animosity and negativity. Let's be honest, that time could be utilize in a more valuable fashion. Lastly, I must learn to appreciate and accept every experience in life with grace, no matter how good or bad, pleasurable or tragic, likable or unlikable... because that's my very food for growth-every day experiences.

Morning light that disturbs my sleep will teach me to start the day shining brightly. The cold temperatures will teach me to value warmth aka the heater.  Spending 30 minutes in search of parking space will teach me patience. Insecure friends will teach me compassion. Busy lovers will teach me independence. Tired feet will teach me to rest.

Out of every experience, something beautiful can be learned.

So I didn't spend my new year off with joy and peace, but I spent it instead with the recognition and desire to change and improve. Not too shabby, no complaints here ;)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Melt With You


Falling in love has never seemed more inevitable...

Just as the water from a river know its fate is the deep blue sea...

 What naturally and certainly belongs to you is my heart, my soul, me...

"I'll stop the world and melt with you..." -Nouvelle Vague

Stop Handicapping

I have a huge tendency to handicap people. Not even because I have a deep desire to help others, it's mostly due to guilt I would otherwise feel if I don't help people. I just have this philosophy that if I'm capable...why not? If I am capable of helping you, why not? If I am capable with putting up with your verbal abuse, why not? If I am capable of bearing your bullshit, why not? Why not...why not...why not...

And today I will tell you why not. Because even though you're capable, you are not doing them any good. Every time my brother (and his family) has any form of paperwork that needs filling, I seem to be on speed dial though his kids are more than capable of filling it themselves. Or every time people mistreat me and I forgive them at the speed of light. They never quite learn any lesson at all and repeat the offense. You see..these acts enable my loved ones to continue either using me or acting up.

As much as it pains me, I cannot continue handicapping people. It's time to teach them how to fish, instead of feeding it to their mouths.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Time is All I Have

Watching the way I now react to my lover has shown the progress I've made over the past couple of months. I find it absolutely amazing that I have grown so much. Undoubtedly I have much more to learn but being in a better place than before, evolution at its works. I don't regret a darn thing that happened over the past couple of years when I entered into the relationship realm. Experiencing heartache after heartache definitely has its ways of teaching the inexperienced. Now, instead of being the best girlfriend due to the egoic state of mind, I am attempting to be the best girlfriend possible because that is what my heart truly wants to offer my lover. Every act is from the heart, and not rooted from the ego.
It's a graceful thing to watch. Love never appeared more pure and wholesome. Him being so easy to love contributes in some way I'm sure. We have yet to experience any type of personality conflict. We are different, yes. But we accept those differences with respect. The only thing we fight over is the chance to please one another. Whether it's getting a glass of water or the lights...we both wish to make each other's life easier.
With a few months left, it is my duty to make the best of it... to show him a happy open heart more than willing to love him madly, deeply, endlessly...

"If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you..."

I cleaned out my room today... found birthday cards from 5th grade and beyond. Kept worthy memories and dumped the unworthy. Finally letting go of the journals of every heartache and fight experienced with the exes was a liberating feeling. I couldn't even relate to what I wrote....all I saw was pain and misery, chaos, instability... I am in a different place now and it's only right to trash it all.. 8)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Don't Let Me Go Tonight

 I love coming across awesome music randomly! No lies, her name caught my attention, the beautiful and talented... Lykke Li!

"Watch my back so I make're right behind me as before...yesterday...the night before...tomorrow..."

Now onto something, well more so someone that has been keeping me smiling non-stop. I feel so blessed to have started the new year off with this wonderful human being. He turned out to be a completely different person from what I expected! Without a doubt we have our differences but the one thing we do have in allows us to bond in a way I have yet to experience with anyone else. We both are the type of people that will give everything on our backs and beyond for our loved ones. Hence, I have yet to feel a bit of dissatisfaction towards him. I feel safe, secure, respected. I feel that he is thinking about me as I am about him. I sense that he misses and yearns for me as I do for him. He's a gift I shall cherish for as long as possible. The thought of him makes me jump for joy! I trust that my heart is in good hands...8)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

What Now?

I've been reading a book recently called Why is God Laughing: The Path to Joy & Spiritual Optimism by Deepak Chopra. Highly recommended! It's not meant to be a book that will give you deep realizations, but it does touch bases on some valuable life lessons threaded with humor throughout. It's a quick read for people that have short attention spans like myself!

The book definitely provided me with new perspectives on fear, ego, and addiction to 'old self' in addition to The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
I think I'm going to reread A New Earth. Now that I'm in a different place, I'm sure reading it a second time around will give me new insights.

I get this question often and I feel as if I should just address it so I'll know my directionality in life.
The question: "So what do you do now that you've graduated?"

To be honest, I have no freaking idea...but I kind of have an idea if that makes any sense, probably not.

Basically I am waiting for my acceptance into medical school.
I plan to retake the MCAT, which is much more important at this point than getting a job so I'm postponing the whole finding a job ordeal until I get the hang of studying.

Here's an overview of my agenda
New York City vacation
Relaxing weekend filled with nothing but sleeping and
Hardcore studying for MCAT all the way up til my exam, which I plan to take in March.

At the same time, I will be increasing my volunteer hours to CCD every Sunday. Hospital and English class on Mondays, VIPS on Wednesdays. My 'future job' evidently have to fit somewhere in between.
I also have to set aside time for my friends and of course my most adored significant other.

I forgot! I also need to look into what I'm going to do if I don't get in this year, God forbid..meaning I have to reapply to medical school and find something to occupy myself for a whole year. No bueno, but it's absolutely possible.

So I hope that has answered the question...what now that you've graduated.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Way I Am-Truly and Fully

The first couple of months determine the fate of your relationship to follow. This is the time you learn most about one another along with building a social contract aka setting expectations. Therefore, it is crucial to be as honest as possible with who you are to your partner. Part of the reason why lovers fall apart or start fighting months down the line is because either one or both parties involved have put on a facade during the beginning..only to let certain aspects of themselves slip out slowly and gradually. Typically, the beginning consists of females dressing to her best capabilities and being sweet as sugar... the guy performing similar acts. Then both parties start slacking off once they 'got' their significant other. One day, they look at each other and feel as if they are looking at a completely different person.
Don't you want your partner to fully accept who you are? Why play foolish games and use trickery to capture their hearts?
Be obnoxiously you, hide nothing... for if they can't accept who you truly are, they're not worth your time one bit. It's better to learn that from the very start.
I spent months debating on whether I should join many in playing those games or stick to exposing first hand who I am. It was nice to test out different perspectives but I'll be sticking to being me from here on out.. 8)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Cheers to Happiness

As I continue working on my inner core confidence and peace, I cannot deny the fact that I'm currently enjoying a bit of external happiness. Yes, the risk is there...when the external happiness fades away, which it undoubtedly will,  I will feel the inevitable-sadness and pain. However, both will play a part in our lives for many times to come. There's no need to run away from what makes you happy just to hide from what follows: pain.

Everything unfolded in such an unexpected and beautiful manner, I feel as if I discovered a hidden treasure. For once in my life, I'm facing a person that adores me as much as I adore them. There's always been a hint of imbalance in my past relationships. But when I look into his eyes, I see the sincerity, the happiness, the future. I have a good feeling about all of this... 8)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


While awake, no matter how delusional we can be...the reality is life doesn't always work out the way we want. However, in our dreams, we can have all that we wish and beyond. It's common to dream of your deepest and sometimes darkest desires because we typically suppress these thoughts or we may even obsessed over these thoughts...regardless they somehow manage to always show up in our dreams.

Dreams are places full of secrets...

We decided to go with friendship and though it breaks my little least I can dream about what it is I truly want when I lay my head down at night. That shall do for now...

Monday, January 3, 2011

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

Happy New Years Everyone!

New Years..a special occasion to celebrate us having lived for another year and contemplate how to live the next even better. 2010 was undoubtedly one of the hardest years on me. To recap- there was the tragic ending of my long-term relationship and even worst, my failure to succeed on an exam that determines the fate of my life. I have been able to recollect myself and stabilize beyond imaginable since the breakup, I'm still working on the improvement of that exam. Overall, I am quite satisfied with how the year ended and excited for 2011, which by the way, I celebrated well with amazing friends!! The best part... I started the year with a special someone I am ever so grateful to have met. To be honest, I don't know what direction we're heading because they're so much at stake with what we've started. Regardless of where we end up, we'll be friends at least.

It is undeniable that my heart just weakens in his presence..the way he reaches for my hand...kiss my forehead...or pinch my cheeks... ^_^

For 2011, the focus, however, remains to be my academic career...once I come back from vacation in's hardcore studying from then on! God, please watch over us and grant us a wonderful 2011!!!