Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Pixie Lott

"Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say we're moving on and we'll be okay..."

Monday, August 30, 2010

You're Amazing Just the Way You Are

This is just the sweetest song ever!! All girls, no matter how cocky she may seem, have insecurities of some sort. We all love compliments, we all love to feel beautiful, we all want to be accepted just the way we are as much as the next girl. Our culture is border line obsessed with outer appearance, the boob jobs, the botox, the belly tucks, the face peels, toe shortening (WTF!?!) etc.
All of us can point out a flaw we would change. I know I can list quite a few...
With such a strong focus on outer appearance, people in society constantly feel judged and scrutinized. It may be quite a paranoia type of experience for many. Songs that sing about big butts and double d's don't really help either, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, that music is great for 'popping that booty' in the club. Sadly, it also affects the way society view beauty and women.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way. What truly matters is not the way a person appears on the exterior, but what is on the interior. Beauty on the outside eventually fades with time and age, but true beauty on the inside shines forever on.

I've been there. The insecurities, the heart ache, the unhappiness that comes along with obsessing with the way I look. I know many others out there are still suffering and I will continue to have my moments of weakness. I just want to let people know that what truly matters is on the inside. What truly matters is the love you can offer the world, the peace you create with your neighbors, and the harmony you have with yourself. I'm not telling you to go and leave your legs unshaven! Presentation, undoubtedly, matters because it shows that you care about yourself enough to present yourself well. I just wanted to point out the old saying 'true beauty lies within.'

I really like this song, one of my friends posted on facebook. I don't know why she used the world 'ugly'...I'm pretty sure there's a better word out there but it's whatever...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Good in Everyone

I honestly believe that everyone deep down inside is a good person. Everyone dreams and wishes of a world filled with peace, happiness, and love. Everyone, from the moment of birth, is instilled with a deep understanding for the difference between right and wrong. Yet, our world is still clouded and tainted with thoughts of evil and self-gain. Why? Because people have fears. People have insecurities. People have an ego to protect. At the end of the day, people are just afraid to get hurt. Very few consciously commit evil acts. Most people, however, are somewhat unconsciously hurting others. I say somewhat because from within, they know their actions have the potential to cause others pain, but their own benefits outweigh the other person.
There's always some kind of excuse or justification...
"They hurt me so this is what they get."
"I'm not responsible for anyone's feelings."
"It's a dog-eat-dog world."
"I'm teaching them a lesson."
The list goes on...
Your actions do not need justification if they are right. How do you know they're right? You search deep within you. You follow your heart. You feel no guilt. You have no questions.
It's a constant struggle for all of us. One must become conscious of their thoughts. Catch yourself and stop when evil/selfish thoughts appear.
Have you ever been so angry at someone you thought, "My goodness, I hate them! I wish they would just drop dead"?
That's not what you really want. It's your anger speaking, but once you become aware, you can stop those ugly thoughts. The key is to become conscious and aware of our thoughts and actions.
Everyone has good in them. Everyone knows what is right. It's just a harder path to take, but can you imagine how beautiful and pure our world would be if we all did or even tried to do the right thing.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." -Gandhi

Let's start now. Me and you. Making an effort to do the right thing every day, every minute, every second, every moment of our lives...8)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A New School Year

Today marks the first day of my Fall 2010 semester. As always, I spent half of my day deciding if I'm going to stick to my classes and the other half falling asleep due to lack there of from the previous night. It never fails. First days are always a bit rough due to anxiety and excitement.
I must say I feel rather blessed because I actually enjoy school. I don't mind waking up at 8 am. I don't mind the rush of getting dressed. I don't mind the walks to class. I don't mind the corny jokes my professors try to crack. For some odd reason, I like staying busy and stressed!!

This last semester will be no easy peasy. My classes run straight thru from 9am-3pm, no breaks. All my classes are at least 1.5 hrs long, which is a bit too demanding of my attention span, but it makes up for the fact I only come to school Tues-Thurs.

I reserved Mondays for volunteering with my kids at the hospital and the elderly at church... Thursday-Saturday for working. Then I spend Sunday with my ccd kids! I am quite pleased with how this fall will look. Also excited for my favorite upcoming holidays such as Thanksgiving, my birthday, and my favorite-Christmas!!

Cheers to a new school year...so much to look forward too... 8)

WOO HOO!! Geaux Tigers!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Everybody Needs Love

I have encountered some of the lowest points of my life this past summer. It appeared to be a never-ending battle of falling flat on my face and picking myself up again. During my time of instability and constant predicaments, I came to realize that everybody needs love. I can't imagine recovering from my falls as quick as I did if my family and friends were not there to support me.

Lack of love can knock you down and tear you to pieces. The offering of love can pick you up and make you whole. I'm not talking about just 'romantic' love. Romantic love is important when you are ready to date or start a family. However, for the first half of your life, love provided by family and friends is extremely crucial to one's well-being. Orphans, the homeless, the sick, the diseased, the people that are unwanted or outcasted by society...they are hurting and suffering, not only because of their exterior life situations such as living on the streets or the missing an arm and leg...they are hurting because they lack love. They lack the genuine care and feeling of significance from fellow human beings.

I see many children these days growing up in torn homes. Their parents are too busy working or selfishly investing their time elsewhere. I see people argue and differentiate one another on such trivial matters such as race or class. I see people simply turn the other way when others are in trouble.

If we wonder why suicide hotlines, therapist, counselors, psychiatrist are needed in society? It is a mere way for someone to reach out to another person that will show them love and care.

If we wonder why depression and suicidal thoughts even exists, it is due to the fact that so much love is missing in people's lives.

Therefore, be strong and offer nothing but love to the world. Everybody needs love. I do, you do..we all do...

be kind...be caring..be loving...8)

"Everybody knows the love
Everybody holds the love
Everybody folds for love
Everybody feels the love
Everybody steals the love
Everybody heals with love

Friday, August 20, 2010

I'm Yours

I am a complete sucker for really sweet love songs...
Currently listening to The Script and I am loving them!
Anyhow, back to the song...how great is it to find a person that is completely yours?!
I'm quite possessive and territorial by nature, not to say human beings are property haha, but the security that comes with knowing a partner have eyes for only you is definitely a feeling I look for when I'm in a relationship. Sweet sweet song...

Spread the Joy!

Making people smile is one of life's most enjoyable experiences for me...making people laugh is even more rewarding! I just love it when I share a joke/story and this person/persons across from me is smirking/smiling and preferably laughing their asses off. I don't know what it is.. maybe it's the twinkling in their eyes or the fullness in their cheeks or even the funny way people sound when they laugh. Just lightens my heart and brightens my day!
Mother Theresa once said that 'peace begins with a smile.' Isn't that the truth!?
Have you ever been mad at someone? Yet the moment they crack a joke, you are A-Okay again?
Have you ever smiled at a stranger and they immediately smiled in return and asked how your day went?
Did you ever try to cheer up a friend after a long day? The moment they smile.. they just look at you and thank you with a hug?
Strange is it not? Such a simple expression but it receives such positive responses!!
That's why I ask you to smile more often. Smile at strangers, smile at your family members, smile at your friends, smile at your enemies!! Just spread happiness everywhere you go!!! Get high on endorphins!! 8)

It might feel fake at first...but once you see how effective it is and it becomes habitual..trust me you won't stop!!

And for those that haven't seen this hilarious clip!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Bittersweet Goodbyes

I will surely miss you summer, but at the same time..I'm ready for school to start.
This summer seriously flew by! To sum it all up, this summer has been the best and worst summer of my life combined! How is that even possible!?!
Let's just say it was my first time stepping into the real world, I spent the last few years of my life with my ex-hunnyyy bun in isolation. I had very little interaction with other people. After our separation, I was suddenly thrown into this unfamiliar world. Like any curious cat, I started experimenting new things. Well, I must say I've learned a lot! This world can be quite harsh!! If you're not careful, there are people out there that will suck the life out of you and eat you alive! Scary business!
Now, I'm more cautious than I would like... I wish I can trust people and love them endlessly but I'm not ready to turn the other cheek just yet. Maybe in the future, I will learn to truly look past the betrayal, conniving, and selfish tendencies people have, but not at this moment.
Beyond the few ugly people I've bumped into, I've met a great deal of awesome people and gotten closer with good friends! I was fortunate enough to go out most weekends and let's not forget my Miami trip! I've never been out that much during my whole college career! It was a blast and I'm oh so grateful for the people that made it happen. The people that stood right by my side dancing the night away.
School is about to begin so I know all this partying will settle down. I can't wait to meet new people this semester! Especially around football season, tailgating is going to be so much fun!!

Goodbye summer, I hate you and will miss you dearly.
Hello fall...8)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Severe Flooding in Pakistan, Please Help!!


Above is a link to UNICEF's flood disaster relief for the children of Pakistan.

14 million people- 6 million of them children- have been affected by recent floods in Pakistan.

Please take a second to donate! Any amount will help these unfortunate people!


I'm really upset right now so please excuse the language, but I need to blow off some fucking steam. And I feel really guilty for polluting the Earth with such negativity...but I promise I'll make it up in the future!!

Fuck my mother fucking fuck life...

Let me dwell in this shit...just let me swim in this fucking misery..
Swim in my shame, disappointment, and failure!

As if my patience and faith haven't been tested enough this summer...one week before school starts..let's just fucking BOMB her!! You know... kick her in the ass so hard to leave her completely speechless and distraught.

Okay...all better... now onto figuring out what the hell am I going to do...

Also, I would like to thank the people that were my crying shoulder. You mean the world to me and I have no idea what I would do without you! I knew of the challenges and risk of heart ache when I chose this career path. I promise I'm not giving up and I'll figure things out somehow...

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Importance of Friendship

Mother Theresa once said that loneliness is the most terrible poverty.
I couldn't agree more. You can be the richest man in the world but with no friends--with no one to care and love you...existence becomes extremely undesirable. Or you can be the poorest man, but with love, you can find the strength to carry on. Humans are naturally social creatures. We need one another. We care for one another. We love one another. There is no greater satisfaction than finding a person to love and be loved.

I am extremely fortunate to find a handful of friends that love me unconditionally, every bit of my existence. Friends that supports every step or path I choose to take in life. Friends that take me as I am without an ounce of resistance. Friends that taught me to be just a loving. You need loving and caring people in your life. It is absolutely essential for your well-being.

Don't ever think you can walk this Earth alone. Don't let your pride interfere with your happiness.

To my friends..
thank you for hearing me whineee
thank you for getting me imodium for my tummy ache
thank you for buying me my favorite chips
thank you for your hugs
thank you for your laughter
thank you for your dances
thank you for your glass of wine
thank you for my cup of chai tea latte
thank you for my frozen yogurt
thank you for dinner
thank you for your place to stay
thank you for asking if I'm okay
thank you for accessorizing me
thank you for pinching my cheeks and telling me how cute I am..lol
thank you for caring
thank you for loving
the list goes on and on
I just want to say thank you for everything
I freaking love you guys!!
Cam on!! 8)

Off My Chest

Typically, I do not snoop into people's business because I respect their privacy. However, there comes a time when you become a bit curious and it's just time to face reality. Plus, I guess if the information is provided by that person openly on the Internet, it really isn't snooping? Or I'm just telling myself that to feel better...

Well, life has been improving like I mentioned in the past several posts. It's all fine and dandy until you run into that one person that just gets under your skin. Then you find yourself in bed feeling like you don't know what because all you can do is stare at the ceiling. Pathetic shit, isn't it? You know you're holding something back but you're not quite sure what. That's when you telephone a bff, and before you can even try to make sense of reality, tears are flowing down your cheeks because he/she just told you what you've been denying to yourself all along.

Whether it's...

"Girl...home boy is cheating."

"Girl...he is so over you."

"Girl...he's got a new girl."

Or in my case "Girl...you fell in love."

Sigh...falling in love. Three tragic words that holds the potential to completely transform your world: for better or worse. I tried so hard to deny the slightest possibility that I might have loved this guy. I tried to reason every angle. The timing was too short. He did nothing to deserve it. Maybe, it was lust. My God, every mere attempt was a failure. I just knew somewhere he's gone where most have never been. I couldn't explained why I cared excessively. I couldn't explain why I forgave easily. I couldn't explain why I couldn't just drop it and go on with my life. I've been in longer relationships where I left without an ounce of regret. With him, every time I left, a part of me wished it would have turned out different. Fortunately, another part of me knew I deserved better. It's sad that I couldn't be the girl I wanted to be for him. It's sad that the feelings were never returned. The good thing about falling in love is that you can fall out as well. In due time, I'm sure I'll find my way around it. Just have to get up from my fall and dust myself off.

Seeing him with another person, I couldn't be happier for him. Everyone deserves a happy home. Even if I couldn't be that for him, I'm glad he found someone that can. Now he has someone to respect and cherish. Someone to share his day with and make him happy. Now there are two people walking around smiling ear to ear because of one another and it's positive energy that the world needs.

Like old man Joe said from the movie Alfie- "There are two things I've learned in life: find someone to love and live everyday as if it were your last."

Live life like that and trust me... you'll feel complete...8)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A Life Full of Coincidences

As a person that believes in fate and destiny, I have to be extra careful to not look into many coincidences that occur in my life. I guess that's how my over analytical tendencies developed. From running into someone unexpectedly in the most random places or coinciding facebook statuses, these awkward moments happen to me all the time. I mean everything happens for a reason right? Wrong! Hence, I have to digest, investigate, and analyze to make sure it was just that-a coincidence.

Due to my extremely hopeful heart, I am always prepared to give anything in life another shot. I am capable of seeing opportunity in everything. It's complete optimism, with a dash of stupidity. It's sad to say the least...someone can burn me into a million pieces but offer me a sincere apology with a hug and I'm all smiles again. What can I say? Everyone deserves a second chance or ten.

Anyhow, with a hopelessly forgiving heart, I will have multiple excitement heart attacks a day if I believed every coincidence was a 'sign' of some sort. People live and learn. I've found my way of coping with it. I try not to assume, I'll find a logical explanation for anything 'twilight zone-ish' that happens to me. Over the years, my desire for an explanation progressed. I never thought of myself as an over analytical person but if multiple people tell you you are..then you probably are! I guess this is me trying to explain why I over analyze.

I am a hopeful person. If I don't use reason and logic, if I don't try to find alternative answers than what my heart wants to believe, my life would be filled with disappointments.

This life full of coincidences is just that...coincidences and nothing more.

Friday, August 13, 2010

What Goes Around...Comes Around

Everyone probably knows of someone that has that 'player' mentality. Those people usually have been hurt in the past and vowed to never love again or treat others like crap. If you ever run into those 'players' or know a friend that's in that situation, encourage them to not continue the vicious cycles of broken hearts breaking hearts. What goes around comes around. Trust me, people like that will never attract nor deserve true love if they continue to live in that manner.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I am in the best condition to write when I'm in one of two states of mind: really depressed or really happy. There is a bittersweet feeling to the fact life is starting to stabilize and I'm finding myself scavenging for inspiration to write.

To answer my own question from the last post, I believe it's better to keep it friendly. Our friendship goes way back and I'm not willing to lose it just for comfort and good company. However, I am grateful to have someone in my life that can make me feel important. I love how he comes to me when in need of a positive outlook on his life situations. Let's me know I'm doing my job as a friend.

I'm really beginning to enjoy my single life. When you're in a relationship, you have to act a certain way.. so restrained!! I am loving this sense of freedom! I noticed that guys are less likely to talk to you when you're in a relationship also. I guess it's male code, taken property? I don't know, but I'm meeting new people and I'm so excited!! School starts in two weeks, it's going to be my last semester and I am going to make the best of it! Yay!! 8)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Fine Line

If you haven't noticed, I typically blog at least once a day. This is my journal. Some days I'm inspired to write about a life lesson, other days I write about something personal. I enjoy writing, this blog is my form of escape.

Now onto something personal.

Have you ever known a wonderful person that can make you laugh, stimulate you intellectually, make you feel comfortable, thinks you're brilliant, thinks you're beautiful, make you feel like a great person, and makes you happy? They can watch a movie with you or play some sports with you. You guys have so much in common yet are different enough to keep it interesting. That person seems almost perfect except for one thing. You guys started out as 'friends' and both know there's a fine line that shouldn't be crossed.

You hear stories about good friends becoming great lovers..and stories about how friendships are ruined when feelings become involved.

How do you know when you should take a chance or keep it friendly?!? Only time will tell...

I want to see a heart that's pounding

I am loving this girl right now!!!!

What's Past has Past

Warning: this is a rant post.

Chapter 8 in The Power of Now had a significant impact on me mainly because I tend to have issues with 'romantic' relationships. It's probably due to inexperience or just plain ignorance. Whatever the problem, after the end of my 5.5 year relationship, I promised myself the next guy will have to work his butt off to gain my trust and access to my heart. So when I met the next guy, the series of tests began. As he passed each test, the more access he had. And as each test passed, I still had this wanting... more, more, more. False hopes, high expectations, and blind trust...all of which you throw on another person you have no control over. Silly, is it not?

When you open the door to these illusions, you also allow a door of failure to exist. So when you're partner fail your tests, don't meet up to your expectations, or lose your trust, your world is turned upside down and you begin to feel unhappy.

I'm not telling you or myself more so..not to fall in love. I just want to be conscious of the fact the happiness and pain go hand in hand. So that when I'm happy, I will enjoy the moment and be happy. When the inevitable pain arrives, I will accept it for what it is.

I spent months replaying what he said and what he did in my head. Questioning why did he stop caring? Where did we go wrong? Why is he such an A-hole!! I kept holding on. For what? It doesn't do any good, just brought upon myself more heart ache and pain.

What's past has past. Honestly, I was not ready for a relationship. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually..I have a bit of maturing to work on. For himself, he just didn't care. The relationship fell apart...it is what it is. At this present moment, it is over...it is reality...and I'm at peace with that. I kept wishing I would stop feeling. You know, it's okay. I still have feelings for him. I still care. There's no need to resist it, I will only feel peace when I learn to accept it.

He is another human being I care for, among the many other human beings I care for..as it is completely natural for us to care for one another, there is no point in fighting how we feel.

Book #1 Completed

Finally finished reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Funny how I stumbled upon the book, I guess you can call it fate or God's doing. The ex recommended The Power of Now and A New Earth, he knew that I would like the latter more so told me to pick that book up if anything. I read a few chapters and decided it was worth the buy. I'm a quarter way done and must say I love love love it! Elaborate later when I'm finished with it. Back to The Power of Now, I needed something to read while on my trip to Miami and lo-and-behold my friend had it. Guess it was meant for me... everything happens for a reason.

The book talks a lot about learning how to be present, to look within, and to end suffering. Reading one book is not going to change my life overnight...lol I wish! However, I must admit the book most definitely explained many lingering feelings or thoughts I could not answer myself. It not only provided explanations, but also solutions. It brought me a sense of awareness that comes with any knowledge. But this type of awareness is special, because it's going to help me deal with many life situations. Supposedly the book is a guide to enlightenment. I would love to be enlightened, but I know I have A LOT of work and it's going to be a daily struggle. I'm just happy to understand myself a bit better. I'm satisfied with being conscious, or my attempt to be, for now. Seriously, go read the book!! If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for society, do it for the universe! I promise this book will have you awe-struck!

I always knew that improving yourself is the best way to contribute in bettering the world. I didn't take it as deep as the inner core though. I figured working on exterior qualities was enough. You know...volunteer work, be nice to people, compassion, love, work on becoming a 'good person.' The book made me realize that it goes beyond the exterior. You can be this great loving and giving person, but if you're still angry inside ...you are polluting the world with that anger at the end of the day. You have to learn how to be at peace with yourself before anything else.
I suck at explaining...just go read the book!! 8)

Monday, August 9, 2010

A Mother's Love

I can never express enough gratitude towards my mother.
That woman means the world to me..and I know I'm the universe to her.
There are times when I wish she didn't love me as much, not only because it's a hassle for me at times, but because I know it hurts her too. However, I am extremely thankful to have her as my mother. I'm sure we can all agree it's a miracle how our mothers can love us endlessly, hopelessly, and expect nothing in return. There is absolutely nothing greater than a mother's love.

This morning she brought me freshly prepared avocado/cucumber face mask. She smiled and asked if I'll treat her as well as she ages or will I just dump her in a nursing home. I laughed and told her about how I skipped on a fun trip to New Orleans/Biloxi just to be with her. Her face lit up as she said, "thank you." I don't know what it was, but it brought me to tears. Maybe I'm just sensitive... but I love how such simple acts make her happy. Just being by her side was enough.

To the woman that taught me how to forgive quickly, love openly, laugh constantly, and to strive endlessly: I love you...8)

The Light Bulb...Ding!

Does anyone remember the show PB&J Otter on Playhouse Disney?! I used to watch it all the time as a kid. Well I couldn't find the English version on youtube but everytime they had a problem they did the noodle dance to come up with an idea/solution. Noodle...do the nooodle...do the noodle dance..DING!

The light bulb always pop up at the end of their cute little dance. I'm totally obsessed with those light bulb moments.
Have you ever stared at a calculus or physics problem for 30 minutes and swore you worked every angle possible. Then DING! You realize you're missing one step and immediately you think, "Oh, so that's how you do it."
Have you ever try to assemble something and followed directions, but something still didn't look right. Then DING! You realize you used the wrong bolt or screw and immediately you think, "Oh, so that's where it goes."
Have you ever misunderstood someone and when they finally re-explain themselves. You think, "Oh, so that's what you meant."
Have you ever read something that you never understood about yourself and thought, "Oh, so that's why I'm like that."
Oh..how I love the "Oh, so that's..." moments!! It's freaking 3 AM but I was so excited because I had one of those moments..I had to write about it!! Night!!


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Let It Be

Anger, we've all felt it..whether in short bursts or chronically, anger is an emotion shared by the universe. It is contagious, infectious, and deadly.
A lost moment can help pull the trigger.
A daily argument can end with a violent battle.
A possessive disorder can turn into war.
All of which derives from anger. Anger at self, at others, at the world...

We've all felt it...guilty as charged.

I have what's called the 'angry little girl' syndrome. A ticking bomb ready to be set off. You know..the girl you always spot in the corner of your eye. Her eyebrows clinched, arms folded, any second now and she's ready to explode. She whines and bitches about everything and anything. Not a day goes by where she's not complaining. Isn't it aggravating, irritating, just plain exasperating?!?! She's frustrated, you're infuriated..right there, in that moment, two pissed the f--k off people making the world a shitty place.

Took me a while to envision it in such a way, but that's what I did for the longest time. Didn't realize it at the time, but I was just this silly girl wanting to make the world a better place yet polluting it with such negative feelings. Anger didn't resolve my problems, anger didn't ease my pain, anger didn't make anything any better. I guess it can be perceived as a tragedy, I have always allowed myself to feel anything my little heart, soul, mind, or body desired. When I'm happy, I'm on cloud 9. When I'm excited, I can pee my pants. When I'm sad, I swim in sorrow. When I'm angry, I raise hell and havoc. You get the picture...

Well I'm glad to say Huong has yet to learn another life lesson. YAY!

Let it be...three simple words I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
I'm not saying you can't be angry at all. Sometimes people just really piss you off and you have to scream, "I HATE YOU MOTHER F--KER!!" Yes, let it out, then go take a breather, and just let it be. Do not let anger consume you. Do not replay the situation in your head over and over again. Do not analyze. Do not question. Do not resist. Suffering and pain only comes when you allow it to. Next time you feel angry, just stop and think. Is being angry really helping? Is it going to solve anything? You'll soon realize the answer is no. There's always going to be someone/something out there that can make you angry. The question is how do you want to deal with it. Do you want to dwell on your anger or just let it go? Sometimes it be that way. Resisting it won't help. You just have to accept the situation for what it is, and let it be...8)

Friday, August 6, 2010

Singlehood Update

August marks 3 months of my singularity. First off, I can't believe I made it thus far without running back. Secondly, my improvement over the past few months has been remarkable. I'm extremely satisfied with my progress.

Today I watched a movie alone. My ex and I used to watch movies together all the time. Surprisingly, I found the experience quite enjoyable. The fear of being alone has slowly dissipated and I'm beginning to appreciate the time to myself. Just the other day, I picked up a self-improvement book...LOL something I definitely NEVER saw myself doing. It's really funny to watch me work on bettering myself, growing, and evolving. When I was in a relationship, I always thought about him or us. Barely anytime for me, this is all very new to me and I'm trying to utilize this time efficiently.

When I bump into people I know, the first thing they always ask is 'are you here alone?' I think it's such a common question because deep down most of us are afraid to be alone. However, I spent the last quarter of my life dedicated to another person so the time I now have to myself is extremely valuable. It's a new chapter in my life. One of self discovery and improvement until the next big event arrives.

Don't get me wrong, I still get lonely at times. I miss having someone to rant to about my day. I miss having someone to cuddle. I miss having someone to call my own. But I know this time alone is essential for my growth and well-being.

To the guy that helped me move on, if you ever read this, I want you to know you played a very special role in my life. I could not be here today if you never entered my life. Even though we didn't work out and I was extremely heart-broken, I know God put you in my life for a reason. You hit a very soft spot and you gave me a glimpse of hope. You brought me happiness and made me believe that somewhere out there one day I'll find a relationship where love can be shared equally. In the short amount of time that I knew you, you were just the right touch to change my life for the better. Thank you, you have no idea how much you mean to me...8)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Too Open

I have never questioned my openness and bluntness in the past. Even though I understood that there were times when I hurt people's feelings or made them feel uncomfortable, I always figured I'll make it up to them in some other way. My ex-boyfriend as a prime example, he hated the words that would spew out of my mouth at times but stuck around for 5.5 years because he knew I loved him whole-heartedly. I was content with it and carried on this mentality of "take me as I am or get the f--K out of my life."

It was a defense mechanism. Scaring off the people that couldn't handle it and rewarding those that can. When I love or care about someone, it's really difficult for me to hold back..I throw my heart and soul into it so I have to be really selective and careful around people. Fortunately, I have found a handful of people that stuck around and love me to pieces. I never felt the need for change...until recent months.

I need to watch what I say. Not just for my own sake, but for others. I want to be more considerate of the people around me. I'm not quite sure where to start...but thinking before I speak will probably cut a lot of nonsense from my speech. Undoubtedly, I'm sure stupidity will slip here and there, but this is a stepping stone for me. I'm not denying my honesty. When I feel the need to be honest, trust me I'll speak up. I'm just trying to develop a filter so thoughts don't just flow out of my mouth simultaneously.

However, I am proud of my openness. I think I would die if I bottled everything inside. I love giving my all, pouring my heart out, expressing every emotions. I wish I could do it more often. I don't like hiding or suppressing how I feel. There is this sense of freedom when I can just express myself openly. I highly encourage people to be more open. I enjoy my openness because I never live with regrets. Because I always give it my best shot, I'm content even if things don't always go my way. I might be angry at first and say I regret it...hahaha but in reality I'm proud of myself for doing my best...8)

"Horses were built to run
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born to love"

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


What hurts more than getting hurt yourself is watching the ones you love feel pain. Whether it's a physical injury, a mental, or emotional distraught..whether they're screaming in agony or tears are quietly flowing down their cheeks, words can't even begin to explain the sadness and helplessness you feel as this person you care so much for is hurting. Your heart aches as you question what can you do to cheer this person up? What can you do to lessen the pain? What can you possibly do to help?

It's such a beautiful and rewarding sight for me when I get the chance to see two separate individuals care and love one another. Their recognition of someone/something larger than themselves and their willingness to give the universe and beyond.

A mother kissing her child's booboo, a friend lending a shoulder or an ear, a lover mending a fight..these might appear to be simple acts, but it's just a glimpse of the big heart in all of us willing to sacrifice and offer everything on our backs for one another.

Sure, selfishness is instilled in all of us, as is altruistic tendencies. I just love it when people aren't afraid to let their guard down. When the happiness of others far surpasses the fear of their own potential heart-ache.

We live on and share this planet together, there's nothing wrong with loving and appreciating the world around us.

We all have walls protecting ourselves on a day-to-day basis. But just for one day, try opening your heart to feel the limitless love you can potentially feel for another. Just sit there, look at a friend, stranger, child... don't think about anything at all, just breathe and let your heart feel...the connection, the link, the intangible attraction is amazing 8)