Thursday, September 30, 2010

The First Cut is the Deepest

I would have given you all of my heart, but there's someone who's torn it apart...

Honestly, I don't mind encountering heartache because it teaches one to become stronger. My whole life..I based my actions on the emotions I felt at every moment. Anger, happiness, sadness, I allowed 100% of my raw emotions to show. To think of it, that got me in so much trouble. At the same time, the ones around me were able to capture me in wholesome genuine form. These days, I have much more self-control. I know it's the smartest move, but there are days I just want to scream....something....anything...just to let it out. I feel as if I'm holding so much's all bottled up!

I'm just being a big brat. I feel so free when I can say what I want, feel what I want, do what I want. Sometimes it was at the expense of others, so I know what I'm doing is right. I can't be selfish. I must be considerate of others. At least I keep reminding myself that.

Well, they don't have songs like this without reason...obviously it's a part of life. You are wild and free until someone comes and cuts you so deep it scars (scares) the living crap out of you!! But there's hope...someone that will love you enough to stick around until you  can love again.

Chua oi, bao ve con!! 8)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Over Again

Over Again- SoShy

Wake up in the morning light
Today I feel so decided
Blue sky no clouds no fight
Everything's gonna be alright
All my worries all behind
 I trade my tears for a smile
Now its all clear in my mind
Everything's gonna be alright

But what is making me so fly
Cause being with you is such a
You make me wanna be the best
and why you make me so fine
I never felt this way i guess
I wanna rush but there's no stress

oh oh oh
oh oh oh
 It feels so good to be in love again
oh oh oh oh oh oh
We can do it over ...over again

Was a bird afraid of heights
Today I'm so ready to fly
Even if we fail we try
Til we get it right
Like a glass of french wine
Sippin' each day of my life
Like you'll always be mine yeah
Everything's gonna be alright

Are you the light that shines so bright
Cause being with you is such a bless
You make me wanna be the best
You are the daydream of my life
I never felt this way I guess
I wanna rush but
There's no stress

oh oh oh oh oh oh
it feels so good to be
in love again
oh oh oh oh oh oh
we can do it over ...

How many times we rise and fall
How many times we cry for a love that's gone
And the story goes on and on
So dry your tears and then be strong
Cause after the rain comes the sun
Just keep it cool til you find the one
We can do it over

Everything's gonna be alright

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Last night I got to talk to my ex-hunny bun. I usually call him every once in a while to check up on him. It might seem strange to some, but he was and still is a very significant person to me. I love him dearly and he is someone I'm determined to have in my life forever. In due time, I'm sure friendship is possible between us.

So I updated him with my minor crush and he said the sweetest thing...something along the lines of
"Awesome, I know how those crushes brightens your day." Hahaha... he knows me too well! 8)

I feel like a little 5 year old high on sugar rush. I can't help but think to myself, if a little crush can make me this happy, WTF will true love do to me!?! I think I'll go crazy happy!  Teeheehee!!

Anyways, it's hump day!! Almost the weekend!!! LOVE YOU!!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Smiling Again

I've been writing for the past couple of months out of distraught. For the first time in a while, I am writing from a happy place. This weekend has seriously been a blessing from above. I don't remember the last time I smiled this much. I constantly catch myself giggling throughout the day. Teeheehee!!!!
My stomach is filled with butterflies and my heart is pouncing with joy. I can already tell that this last semester at LSU will be treasured for the rest of my life. Filled with fun memories and experiences.
Started the weekend off right with Fall Fest! My favorite event at LSU. I got the chance to catch up and chit chat with some lovely people..8)
Then spent the whole day Saturday swimming like fishies in a GORGEOUS POOL with the bestest person in the world!! God, we stayed in that pool for like four hours!?!?! We looked like old grandmas by the time we got out..LMAO..
The rest of the night was chilling with the guys beer in hand. Surrounded by phenomenally awesome people shooting some hoops and singing our hearts out playing Rock Band. I think I lost my voice!!

Thank you so much sissy for introducing me to such wonderful people. Thank you for being my guiding light in those times of darkness. Thank you for assuring me and hugging me when fear is written all over my face. Thank you for showing me that the life I dream of is out there, I just have to be patient. Thank you for all the joy you have shared with me. I honestly cannot  imagine life without you. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!

Sorry if this is a bore for you guys, but I just have to record how wonderful this weekend was for me so I can go back to it every once in a while... and reminisce on the hilarity of my youth. Sigh..such good times.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Hope for a Healing Heart

After the ending of my 5.5 year relationship and a major heart ache at the beginning of summer, I didn't know what to make of my future. I didn't know what to expect from love. I closed up and was afraid to trust anyone. A part of me died, this happy, hyper, open girl ready to give the world her heart was no longer with me. I carried that rain cloud with me everyday. I tried my best to pick myself up to show the world nothing can defeat me. I will be fine and to a certain degree..I am, but that part of me that went away, I definitely miss it from time to time.

Love, then, appeared impossible. I started to rationalize, logically organize my feelings to put myself as ease. I thought to myself..maybe love isn't the most important factor during marriage..maybe as long I feel secure..that will be enough. Maybe I'm impossible to love... maybe my personality is just too bizarre. I was so doubtful and hopeless. I settled with the thought of marriage=security and nothing more.

And when I least expected it, God gave me a gift. He gave me hope for my healing heart. I recently met a person that has filled my heart with fluttering happiness. Though we could never be together. I am so grateful that for the little bit of time we've known each other, he has inspired me in so many ways. I have gained confidence in who I am. Proud to speak up. Proud to stand up. Proud to be obnoxiously me. I have recognized there are people out there I can love effortlessly. I no longer view love as a battlefield. I now know there are people out there that think like me, act like me, a mirror reflection of me. People I can spend the rest of my life with in harmony.

I'm certain it won't be anytime soon, but I trust that just as God has healed my heart. He will also find me the person I can spend the rest of my life with raising 10000000000000 kids.

With patience and hope,  true love will find its way...8)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Feeling a Bit Nostalgic...

It's quite easy to maintain a smile on my face from day to day. Every once in a while though...there are those days when  I feel as if something is missing..feels as if I'm running on empty. Never lasts too long, but my goodness I think I've heard enough sighs for the year.
You know, those days where you see something as simple as a fruit, and a face appears from your memory because you recall it being their favorite. Hahah Don't ask me why fruits. I just like feeding people fruits!! Maybe it is due to the high sugar content so I figured they'll have a sweet association with me after eating it. I'm cheesy like that. 8)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Let Me Love

As of recent, I have noticed my loved ones being particularly concerned with my well-being. My mother and best friend, especially, worried that my way of thinking will only bring me pain. That my way of loving will always cause me to be the one that hurts or one that cries. I know it's your protective side. I know you care about me and want what's best for me. I know it hurts you as well when I am hurt, but isn't that a part of love? Why is it that you hurt when I hurt? Is it not because you love me? Love hurts...not all the time, but the truth is.. it hurts.
Please trust me, believe in me, and continue to love me. I ask you to please let me love as I wish. Promise from the bottom of my heart, I am not here to disappoint you nor myself. I fully believe in what I am doing. I just know from deep within my soul what I'm doing is right at the present moment. Trust that I will learn on my own. Trust that I will correct myself if I see flaws in the way I choose to love.
For my best friend, do you not remember how rocky our friendship was in the beginning? Do you not remember how much I lacked in my capability to love anyone other than myself? Yet, you still chose to love me and I'm certain it caused you pain. I am truly sorry. But imagine, what if you decided to stop loving me? What if you gave up on me? Undoubtedly, I would not be the friend that I am today. It was your patience and love that touched my heart. It was your love that changed me.

Do you see? I was once that selfish person you may consider undeserving of love but your love transformed me into a better person. I don't want to be anyone's savior. I don't want to change anyone. I just want to point out that nothing but beautiful things grow from love. So let me love. Let me love endlessly as you have loved me. Yes, I will hurt and very likely...I will cry, but everyone deserves a chance at love.

On a less serious note, I'm sick and my mom won't let me eat any watermelon. Little does she know when I sneak into the kitchen, I always stuff my face..BAHAHAHA Does that woman not know how much I love WATERMELON!?!! Crazy ladyyyyy...

Lacking Substance

I find it harder and harder everyday to find something to write about. When I first started this blog, I swear my thoughts were endless. In a mini notepad bordered with roses and dandelions contained a page long list of subjects I wanted to share with the world. Not only am I struggling with topics, the way I write has been negatively affected as well these days. It's quite a disappointment when I feel as if I'm regressing in some manner. On the contrary, perhaps the opposite is taking place. Perhaps, I'm progressing in other aspects of my life and I no longer need writing as my form of escape. No matter the reason, I must admit my blog posts will begin to decline in appearance.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Giving Back

We get so busy with life at times we forget to take a second to recognize just how fortunate we are. The closet filled with clothes to keep us warm, some of which we haven't even touched. The car that transports us from our home sweet home to any desired destination. The food to stop our hunger. The family that loves us to no end. The friends that are our crying shoulder. Our education, some of which is paid in full by our government. A plush bed to lay in. The luxury of having a cellphone or a laptop, convenient but far from necessary things. The list goes on and on.
We are all very blessed indeed. God has given us so much. But there are people out there less fortunate than us. People that need love. People that need help. That's where we come in. To be another compassionate human being and tend to our fellow brothers/sisters in need. It's time for us to give back to our community. Did you ever want to help the community, but didn't know where to start? Did you ever feel like you can't make a difference? Did you ever feel as if you don't have time? Maybe you just never gave it any thought? I want to tell you that it's never too late. Make time to be the difference in your community. Though you are just one person, you are enough. You are one person cheering up a sick child, or visiting an elderly. You are one person packing food for the homeless or cleaning up the soup kitchen. You are one person, one agent of love, one agent of peace, one agent of joy, you are one agent of change.

Here are some volunteer ideas and organizations you can check out 8)
Nursing Homes
Soup Kitchens
Food Banks
Volunteers of America
Hands on Baton Rouge
(they have a calendar filled with different projects you can sign up for)
Volunteers in Public School Systems
(one on one tutoring with students that are struggling with their grade level expectations, meet once weekly)
Adult Literary Advocates (225) 383-1090
(Pair up with one adult, usually an immigrant, that is trying to learn English)
Volunteer LSU

If you feel there is just no way you can set some time aside for the people that need your help in the community, please donate. Besides the wonderful people that give their time are the generous people that offer their money to support these organizations.

Jewel - Hands
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Thursday, September 9, 2010

We Are Human

Heard this song on 92.7 K-LOVE the other day and immediately fell in love!! Yes, I still listen to the radio!! Hahaha...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Family Time

The one thing I love most about holidays besides the little break from school is the the time I get to share with my family. Friends come and go, lovers come and go.. but family, they are there for life. They were there the moment you were born and they'll be there the day you die. My family isn't too big since my mom is the only child. We don't have any aunts, uncles, or cousins. My mom did, however, manage to pop out six of us so we aren't exactly the smallest family either. It can get quite noisy when we gather, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The females in the kitchen screaming over one another. The males chilling with a beer in the living room. The kids running all over the place. It is one of those irritatingly pleasant things about life. The noise, the chaos, the love...<3
Must admit, I feel such a huge void and emptiness now that they're gone. I miss them dearly. I can't wait until they come visit again!! It is just so heartbreaking to be away from loved ones...

On a brighter note, my brother and his wife have arrived safe and sound from Vietnam! We shall see how new sis-in-law will adjust to bratty ole me... >8)
The other two have learned to love me over time so I'm sure she will to...
It's so funny my mom even had a talk with me because she knows how I am. Hey, there's a rite of passage for everything, including being accepted into this crazy family!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Missing California

These are just a few snapshots of the beautiful scenery we captured while in California. I catch myself day-dreaming about that gorgeous place all the time. The perfect weather, the laid back attitude, the versatile landscapes... what I would do to be back there again. I swear one of these days....I will definitely take a road trip all over California. I miss you dearly Cali...

Her dress is so prettyyyyyyyy....


Happiness is not a goal to achieve.
It is not the end of a long journey.
It is not a treasure you uncover.
It is not a feeling you feel forever.
It is not an object you have to find.
Happiness is simply a state of mind.

That’s my amateur attempt at poetry..hahaha no wonder I quickly dropped that class some summer ago. For those that didn't really grasp what I was trying to get across, and I don't blame you because I think a 2nd grader could have written something more impressive..let me elaborate.

I can't tell you exactly how other countries view 'happiness'. However, I do find that in America, happiness is commonly perceived as an end point. Something you achieve or find at the end of an enlightening experience of some sort. Thus, we find ourselves continuously seeking happiness. Seeking to the extent that if we find ourselves 'happiness-less' for just a little while, we run to the nearest psychiatrist and beg for Prozac to make a simple case of the blues go away.

Happiness is an emotion you feel. Exterior stimulants can evoke that emotion. For example, a hug from a loved one, an A on your exam, or winning a million dollars. And when your loved one forgets your birthday or you make a F on your exam or you lose money, you begin to feel unhappiness, sadness, pain. They're just emotions you feel because you are human. I guess where I'm going with all this is that you are not obligated to be happy ALL THE TIME. People feel so obligated about being happy that it becomes stressful to be happy! WTF!?! When you feel happy, enjoy that moment. When you are upset, feel it and let it pass but don't deny it in trying to find some ounce of happiness within your pain. That is simply not the emotion you are feeling at the time and it's okay.

I am not here to promote ugliness. I am not saying it's okay to feel sad and be inconsiderate to those around you. I just want to say..stop seeking happiness...just feel it.. 8)