Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's Going to be Alright

"...I know it's hard when the going gets tough but I don't want to stop this, so promise me it's going to be alright..." 

It all started when I met you over the summer through a friend. You seem quiet, but darn were you cute! Considering our age difference, I never gave it more thought than that. In my mind, you were just an attractive guy-I can look but never touch. Months past and the four of us built quite a friendship. The We had so many drunken nights together. Games of Kings and Rockband...God those moments are so much fun to reminisce on. I loved every memory the quadruplet created together and the best part is there's more to come.

I have no idea how it happened, but something special sparked between us during my birthday/graduation celebration. Maybe it was just the right time and place... or right amount of alcohol..haha. Whatever it was, I couldn't stop thinking about you. When I found out that you asked for my number, my heart jumped for joy...yes, the feelings are mutual.

We've been taking it slow and I wouldn't have it any other way. To be honest, I figured I would just toot it and boot it, but you have so much more to offer. Thank you for the past several weeks, they mean the world to me. I don't know what's going on in your mind but promise me it's going to be alright. I can feel that we both want more than friendship, we both know we are capable of much more.

For the first time ever, I cooked a full blown breakfast-eggs, bacon, and sausage (thanks to some help from besties). I hope it made you happy because seeing my willingness to do such things for you pleases my little heart as well!

" and I...were a match made at a birthday party..." 8)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

All I Want For Christmas... you.

Last night a cat fight broke out in the club, and the first thing he did was grab me and positioned me behind him. It was such a safe and secure moment for myself... I couldn't help but look at him in awe. There he stood, firm and tall, protecting me.

Once everything settled down, we danced the night away with wonderful legs shall reap the consequences for days to come but it was all worth it. I'm so glad they dragged my butt out.

And to end the night, I peacefully laid by his side...listening to his heavy breathing as he falls into a deep slumber. What else can a girl possibly ask for? I can't wait to cook for him... or do anything for that matter to put a smile on his face. He's more than I could ever ask for.

I feel so blessed for my family, my friends, and of course him...8)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Have Myself a Merry Little Christmas

him: Merry christmas :-)
me: Merry christmas old really glad i met you.... :)
him: :-) likewise munchkin

That was one of the sweetest moments I've experienced all year. I honestly don't remember the last time I had a merry little Christmas. For the past several years, I have spent many Christmases either in tears or awkwardness. I can't stop smiling this time around even though it barely feels like Christmas. Who am I kidding? The temperature is merely 50 degrees, we didn't have a Christmas tree, and I was the only one who took the time to wrap presents. Oh, let's not forget, half of my family is out of town. So yes, it doesn't feel quite like Christmas on the outside, but the warmth I feel inside my heart is undoubtedly Christmas-y.

You know a person is special when you choose to ignore their past because all that matters is the happiness they bring you. You know they're special when they haven't laid a finger on you, yet there exist a deep bond.  

He's somehow managed to slow down this fast pace world of mine and showed me one step at a time what it's like to truly build a connection.

I hope everyone out there is having as a wonderful or even better Christmas than I am...Merry Christmas everyone!!! 8)

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Isolation may sound a bit scary and lonesome, but it's absolutely necessary in many life situations. We all, at one point or another, have to learn to isolate our problems/issues. People have the tendency to allow one life situation affect all other aspects of their life and then wonder why everything in their life is falling apart. It's because so many of us don't have the skills or methods to isolate our problems.

For example:
You failed an exam, you are so upset you decide not to study for another exam you have the following day...I think what happens next is obvious.
What should you have done?
Be upset, let it all out, then recollect yourself. Think of what you did wrong and promise yourself to fix it for the next exam. Then snap out of it and start studying for tomorrow's exam so you don't repeat your mistakes.


You got in a fight with your boyfriend, you are pissed the fuck off. Again, do not let it affect other areas of your life! DO NOT go throw your shit and anger on other people. When you fight with someone, the problem lies solely between you and that particular person. Other people should not have to suffer from your inability to control yourself.

Imagine it as physically putting a bubble around one problem and not allowing it to escape. When you learn to isolate your problems, you'll find that you will solve it quicker because you are not distracted. You won't be worrying about 1000000000 other things. Learn to separate yet balance life. It will tremendously cut down on stress, especially during the holiday seasons! 8)

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Truth is...

Before you meet the 'right guy,' you have all these expectations in your head. He has to dress like this, talk like this, walk that way, act like this, believe in that...etc.
What I have found is that none of that matters. The truth is--the only thing that matters is how big and often can he make you CHEESE! The others are just extra bonuses...


I know I can make some arrogant ass remarks at times but it's really all for fun. If someone compliments me, I find it more amusing to say "oh I know." The response on their faces are hilarious because they totally expected a simple "thank you" from you. However, I must admit to lacking in the confidence department at times. Especially when it involves people I can't control, I always found myself giving up due to fear of failure/rejection aka no game. It has been an eventful weekend for myself and I love the wise women in my life that has taught me the reality of this world. There will be people in the world wanting the same things you desire, you better go out there and fight.  When you give up, you only close your own doors to opportunities.

I just get defeated so easily and become flustered with frustration that I typically walk away from the situation all together. Well no more, I vow from this day forward to fight in life for what is rightfully mine.

Thank you wise ladies... your love makes me a stronger woman everyday.

And I cannot ignore the good Lord above. I just feel so blessed. At times even when I give up, he gives me a second chance.  There seems to be nothing in life that I cannot accomplish or acquire. Thank you my most beloved God!!

To end with a quote:

"People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."
-Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

So remember, confidence is easy when you get things your way. True confidence lies in the ability to fight when things aren't. 

"College girl with a 4.0. Good girl by day. Damn who would have known?
But when the lights go down and she's out on the floor. The freak comes out and she loses control..."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It's Not Christmas Without You

OMG!! Christmas is in a week and I'm no where near done with Christmas shopping! Shoot me!! This will be my first Christmas alone, not that I remember past Christmas to be any more pleasant. An argument or some form of disturbance always appeared around the holiday seasons. No drama I hope this year, but a cup of loneliness instead. Boooooo

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I know this song is a bit old...but OMG..Ciara never ceases to amaze me. Home girl can DANCE!!

I'm good...I'm good

Yesterday all my teachers posted my grades and let's just say I am more than pleased to see that I have accomplished my goal. I will be graduating LSU with a 4.0 in 3.5 years. Journey wasn't easy. There were many nights of studying involved and tears that shed when I doubted myself or thought I lost the battle. Surprisingly, I wasn't as happy as I imagined myself. I honestly thought I would bounce off the wall, instead I just smiled.

It goes to show that we can't depend on external factors to make us happy. Without expecting our  environment to make us happy, we don't live a life of disappointments when things go wrong. That's not to say you can't allow your environment to bring you happiness, just don't be dependent on it.

Nonetheless, I am utterly proud of myself and thank the people that have inspired and encouraged me along the way when I felt like giving up.

Onto other happenings in my life, I am also proud to say for once in my life, I do not dread being single one bit. Just months (maybe even weeks) ago I kept wondering who the next mate will be but I have come to realize that 1.) I don't have time for a boyfriend since I might move 2.) I haven't been single long enough and still need time to myself 3.) this is my last chance for freedom before I head onto bigger and better things in life. Those are more than enough reasons to convince me that being single is the best status for myself. I think people confuse single with loneliness. Singledom is an essential time to learn how to be on your own. Sure, I might get lonely at times but I need to see for myself that I can be independent of others.

People also confuse single with abstinence. No. Single does not equate to sexless. Single just means no strings attached. Of course, single people do not have the luxury of a partner that is ATF (available to fuck) anytime, but single people have every right as the taken person to have sex as they wish. People shouldn't judge because it's really none of their business. At the same time, single people should understand that people will indeed judge.

The latest personal goal: to achieve core confidence. I often times allow what people say or do to me get under my skin. What other people say should not matter. People may be disrespectful towards me, but I'll save myself much anger and frustration if I develop core confidence so I don't let external factors bother me.

Oh I start working out tomorrow! WHOOP WHOOP! Excited!!

Sorry for the long's been a while.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Last Week Of Undergrad

Please excuse my language, but let's just plainly say I am quite ready to get the hell out of college!
Congratulations to those that have finish their finals and good luck to those that are testing soon. Ahem-LSU!! My life as a student isn't over yet so I'm certain I won't miss undergrad. If I can pull off this last semester with a 4.0, I will have to give myself a huge pat on the back. God knows my family won't. What can we do, it's a part of our culture. They are so proud but expressing it is equivalent to murder almost.

Wish me luck and pray for me please!! Hopefully my alarm goes off correctly every time.. lol

Here's to working my butt off for the last 3.5 years for a fucking medal that's probably not worth any monetary value!! LMAO...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Back at Square One

Today has to be one of the worst days ever that I've had in a good while. I had an exam this morning for 9:30 am so I set my alarm clock for 6 so I would have 3 hours to study. Of all the days my alarm could have failed on me, why did it pick today? Alarm did not go off or I just didn't hear it altogether, who knows, but I ended up waking up at 8. Got ready, started studying and feel asleep... so I was late for my exam. During my exam, the computer froze and I had to start over. Then when I went to analyze my data, the freaking program didn't have it! So I had to download it, which froze the computer once again. On top of all this, I didn't look over one powerpoint yesterday and that costs me my A. There were two values I needed to memorize in order to interpret my results. Well, not knowing them meant I misinterpreted all my data that was worth 60% of my final exam.
Feeling like a fucking failure, I did the one thing I always do when life doesn't go my way. Breakdown and cry like a little bitch. Then I thought about how I tried so hard this summer to learn how to let go and not give in to my emotions. Yet there I was, in my car, breaking down...because I just needed to know two values, it would take 2 seconds to look at, and I couldn't even do that. Broke down because I planned responsibly to study for 3 hours. Broke down because I might end up with a B in the class. Broke down because I can't believe I read two books and I have failed to learn anything.

It's true that life will throw hardships at you, so why it is that I am still struggling? Why is it that I am so afraid of failure..or imperfections? Why is it I can't find peace among these difficulties?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My Trip Around the Sun

Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday
Better think about the wish I made
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Every day's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

I'm just hanging on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this living
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go

No, you never see it coming
Always wind up wondering where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun


Yes, I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride ...
Until it's done

This song pretty wraps up how I feel about birthdays and the life lessons I've learned ... 8)
I'm just enjoying this ride on my trip around the sun.

Today marks my living on this planet for 21 beautiful years. There were moments of bliss, moments of pure misery, and moments of plain boredom. I don't regret one bit of it because all this living made me who I am today. The people I have met, the people that have left. The dreams I have dreamt, the dreams I have accomplished,  the dreams I have yet to reach, the dreams I will continue to dream. All these experiences and encounters has a purpose in all this crazy madness.

My bestest friend in the world made my birthday truly a special and blessed one. Her love and attention to detail. Her time and effort. How could I ever repay someone that brings such joy to my life? I am so glad we fixed our little bump. True friends are the ones that are comfortable enough to expose their ugliest side just so they can make up and remind each other of the love they share. Their love can solve anything if both are willing. I am ever so grateful for all you have done and taught me.

When the balloon flew away, it didn't sadden me because a pink puffy thing flew away. I was sad because it felt like I lost the love you took to pick it out for me. I know that's not true though because what matters the most is the memories I made with you today. Thank you again sissy. I love you.

Silly I know, but almost 90 wonderful people stopped by facebook/email/text to wish me a happy birthday. Some people might think it's not much, but it means the world to me that people would take even a split second of their time just to wish someone else well.This world is filled with beautiful and loving people. I am blessed to have experience such kindness.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

We knew it all along...

Oh, I don't wanna leave.
I just wanna lay here,
And watch you breathe.
Don't know what happened,
Things got out of hand.
I haven't been myself lately.
My thoughts are wandering.

Your eyes, I'm drowning in your eyes.
You're out of reach.
And I can't help myself.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young.

Fool, I'm not looking for love.
I told you that I just wanna dance.
In the mornings, you stay a little too long.
And your eyes they glow a little too much.
Warning signs at last
You're lost, and I can't save you now.

It's a lie, we knew it all along.
Love is gonna die, we're gonna die young...

We knew it all along.. we knew that things wouldn't last..that it was going to end eventually. And though both of us had hopeful hearts, though both wished somewhere deep within that we could stay like this forever.
We knew it all along...

Friday, November 26, 2010


With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

I am utterly in love with what Yael Naim did to Britney's Toxic. It make chills travel down my spine...

On another note, I've been extremely lethargic and tired as of late. My body is evidently aching for exercise. Just two weeks left of school and I will begin a workout regimen because this is just getting ridiculous. I sleep more than 8 hours a day and somehow I still manage to be tired. I have zero energy. No stamina...zelch. There exist this deep yearning to run a freaking marathon. Though I know I wouldn't last a quarter mile, the desire is definitely in me! Two more weeks people and then it's muscle time...8)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


As we approach Thanksgiving Day, I can't help but begin to assess what I am thankful for this year. It has been quite a year for me. Started the year with a wonderful trip to California. Experienced a major bump in the road with the ending of my long-term relationship in April. Miraculously transformed my life by evolving my state of mind. Healed from the pain and found peace within by the end of summer. Awesome trip to Miami with the ladies in August. Applied and interviewed for med school by November. Currently maintaining my grades. Graduating in three weeks. Life is pretty damn goooooood.

On top of all these events and happenings, I can't forget how grateful I am for my mother, my family, my friends, my church community (esp. the kids), the list goes on.
What a necessary holiday, a day to sit back, eat well, and think of all the wonderfulness we have been blessed with.

Thank you God!! ^_^ 

Oh, I also must say I'm quite thankful for being single. I was dreading the thought of being alone at first, but single sure does have its advantages. No commitment, no drama, so much freedom.. 8)

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends

-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

What are you thankful for this year?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Why Is You Negging?

According to, negging is a type of low grade insult meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to a male's advances.

An example:
Male: "Say girl, your nose is flat as a's so cute"
Female: "Uh...thanks?"
Female is now feeling quite self-conscious and confused.  Her reality is shaken because she can't believe someone just insulted her. She then has the innate desire to seduce him, she succeeds according to plan, the guy wins.
Let's not ever forget though that negging is a LOW GRADE way to get a lady's attention, regardless of how successful a guy may be at getting laid with the technique.

However, besides male-female interaction, I find that females also 'neg' other females.
Female #1: "OMG! That girl is so prettyy!!"
Female # 2: "Yeah, but her legs are short."
Female #1: "Um..okay? She's still pretty!"

Obviously, females aren't negging to make advances on other females, not the straight ones at least. Females neg other females in attempt of lowering the self-confidence of the opposing female. Basically, she is trying to level out with the other female. Hence, negging typically occurs when one female subconsciously thinks the other female is better than her so she has to neg to lower that female to her level. I've seen guys neg other guys too, it usually comes from an insecure place.

Well recently, I've been called crazy, weird, average jane, simple, boring, the list goes on. I honestly never knew how malicious females can be. One of my girlfriends blatantly tried to make me look promiscuous in front of other guys.

I'm not saying all females are like this. I also have girlfriends that are supportive and loving, never once said anything negative about me. These are the type of friends I intend to keep. This is a good learning experience for me nonetheless. I know to run if I ever catch another girl negging at me.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Pretty Girl Rock

This song is just one of the darlingest things I've ever seen. If you just listen to the song, it can sound kind of conceited, but the video is a whole different story. I love how Keri takes us through different eras and pays homage to these beautiful talented women throughout history. The 'pretty girl rock' is more than some booty-popping 'oh-I-am-the-so-hot' dance, it's embracing who you are as a female in this male dominating world. It's about walking the walk when you enter a room. It's the twinkle in our smiles. It's the quirks in our laughter. It's the aura of  our radiating positive confident energy. It's all about the extra care, details, and effort.

So ladies, next time you see a beautiful girl full of confidence, and you find yourself hating.
Please stop the jealousy.  We're all beautiful. Do the pretty girl rock! 8)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Insecurities Be Gone!

Though this song might be taking it to the extreme, I do feel that Christina has a point. What's her point? Fucking love yourself!
EVERYONE, yes I said it, EVERYONE is insecure to some degree. Let me tell you something people, stop! Insecurities are most easily sensed. It's irritating low, negative, self-destructing energy that can be detected from across the room. Let alone the people close to you. Have you ever questioned yourself? What reasons do you have to be insecure?
You are all you got. You might have friends, family, shelter, nice clothes, possessions, whatever. Those things can be taken away from you, you can be stripped clean. You, however, cannot be taken away from you. You will always be there for you.
Therefore, be the bestest friend you can be for yourself. Be supportive, loving, caring, encouraging, be whatever your little heart desires for yourself. Stop the nagging, the jealousy, the blaming, the victimizing, stop being a little bitch.

However, do not be a cocky self-asbsorbed ass just masking your insecurities by a utilizing an unnecessarily large ego. Be at peace with yourself, be grateful for who you are. Accept the components you cannot change about yourself, and improve the parts you can.  Just love yourself and be the best you can be...8)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Time to Share Good News

Halfway through... well more like almost there.. I had my interview today and I would say it went fairly well. The interviewers were really friendly. The interview was really laid back and conversational in style. Now it's just time to wait for THE LETTER.

I can't believe there's just three weeks left of school and I'll be done with undergrad FOREVER!!!! YIPPY!! Pretty proud of myself for getting out a semester early...

Then the best news of all, I'm going to be a ..GODMOTHER!!! My beautiful soon-to-be goddaughter's name is Neleh and she is getting baptized in December. I am so honored to have this privilege.

Just wanted to share my good news with you guys!!
If you know anyone that have questions about med school, feel free to give them my info. I would love to help anyone I can and share my knowledge now that I've gone through the process.

Oh, my birthday is coming up in two weeks!! I'll be turning 21 so no more fake ids!! YAY! lol 

Birthday-Neleh's Baptism-Graduation 

Ever so grateful for the life I've been given... and I owe it all to the good Lord above...

OH! Let's not forget about my favorite holiday coming up also- CHRISTMAS!! 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I know and you know too...

"And I know and you know too
that love like ours is terrible news..."

As I try to start my new life, a large part of me is still holding onto you.
What am I to do?
And as I'm falling in love with someone else, I'm not any less loving you. 
What am I to do?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Within Reach

Have you ever faced a situation where you can't have what you want? It's right there in front of you, within your reach, within the width of your arm span, all you have to do is reach out and hold on, but you can't.  I'm sure you have and I think we can all agree it's a miserable place to be in...the shallow breaths, the sweaty palms, the rapidly beating heart..the yearning.

Some people are so amazing, it's beyond what words can even describe.

One more month, one more month to see what happens. If I can't have you completely darling ...I don't want any part of you at all... 

Wake me up when it's over,
Wake me up when it's done,
When he's gone away and taken everything,
Wake me up.

Wake me up when the skies are clearing,
When the water is still,
'cause I will not watch the ships sail away so,
Please say you will.

If it were any other day,
This wouldn't get the best of me.

But today I'm not so strong,
So lay me down with a sad song,
And when it stops then you know I've been,
Gone too long.

But don't shake me awake,
Don't bend me or I will break,
Come find me somewhere between my dreams,
With the sun on my face.

I will still feel it later on,
But for now I'd rather be asleep.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Everyone Deserves a Chance

What do I wish to acquire in life?
The strength to love everyone regardless of their background or character.
Love is more than a belief or a set of pretty words, it involves action. makes us feel good to say we love someone to appear like the bigger person. However, if we do not show the love, our words mean nothing more than some self-absorbed mechanism of justifying 'I'm a good person, I love them, but...'
Pure bullshit if actions aren't there to back up your claim.
Regardless of one's history, have faith in them. Life is filled with opportunities to change/improve and having supportive people in one's life can initiate the first step.
Therefore, everyone deserves a chance, maybe even multiple chances because sometimes all someone needs is another person to believe in them. If I want to do that for someone, I have to stop judging and start encouraging, stop speaking and start acting.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Be Conscious

I've been working for the past couple of months on becoming aware and conscious of my surroundings. Actively analyzing my body, thoughts, and actions  have allowed me to stay calm and think of the best way to speak and approach people/life in general. However, for the past few weeks I stopped my constant stream of consciousness and became solely dependent on my emotions. There were moments of happiness when I receive good news, but most of my time was spent dwelled in insecurities. Thank goodness I was able to snap out of it today. Hopefully, I can begin restoring my consciousness again. It's a dark and scary place to reside.

Certain familiar situations can bring me back to that place. As long as I stay away from those all too familiar places and keep developing my consciousness, I think in time I will be able to confront my inner demons without fear. Until then, day one of my journey begins tomorrow...once again working towards being present in every moment so I don't get lost in my emotions.

For the people that I have mistreated in the past few weeks....please forgive me. I experienced a minor weak point.. give me time to regain my strength and I shall be enjoyable to be around again....8)

Update: Thanks to my wonderful bestest friend in the world, I've found the perfect suit!!! Time to organize my answers..EEEPPPPP!!!!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Go Get It

Throw five exams on me in one week... sure...I freak out a little. But it takes me a quick second to snap out of it. I don't need anyone to remind me otherwise.

Throw at me a couple of conflictual relationships and I'm doomed for life. As much as I love people, when relationships aren't working out, I easily become overwhelmed. I'm not talking about just romantic relationships, any relationship, whether it be my mother, my friends, my lovers, etc. There are some things in life we find hard to handle, this is it for me...relationships.

Especially right now while I'm going through times of change. I'm trying to figure out my life and conflicts in relationships just distract me from what I need to do. Thank God the ex-hunny bun straightened my ass out. I was freaking the freak He just had to remind me, think of your big picture, are those people in your picture, if they are... you know what to do...if they're know what to do. Sometimes I have to stop complicating things and just make a decision.

What is it that I want? Figure it out ... then go get it... 8)

On a side note:
At times, your loved ones will get insecure, their egos will consume them and they'll do the one thing they know how to protect their ego....they will put you down to make them feel better about themselves. Forgive them...continue to love them..but contact should be lessen because you are not a fucking punching bag.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

What Am I to You?

One of my all time favorite music artist... her voice is like heaven to me... 8)
Too bad she's in Brazil right now..

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Jumping for Joy!!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh my gooooodnessssss!!! I received my first invitation to a medical school interview today!! I can't even express how happy I am!! 8)
I just turned in my applications like two weeks ago!!! AH!!! Time to go suit-shopping!
Regardless of what happens, I'm proud of myself for getting this far. I'm going to give it my best shot. If I don't get in, trust that they will see my face again next year!!
OMG, it's happening... everything I have been working so hard's finally happening.

So I've updated my family with the awesome news and all I got was..
Mom- "Oh thank God'
Brother- "Good luck."
Other- no response

There are times when I wish Asian people would be a bit more supportive and encouraging of their children instead of just expecting their kids to do well!! Never too old for a hug people!! >8[

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Faith is Found

I would be lying out my ass if I told the world I never once have lost faith in God. There are many times in life I find myself questioning what he has planned for me.  When I sense failure, I immediately have thoughts of giving up. The desire is innate, I just want to run away...I lose hope. 

Hedonistic by nature, my world is typically revolved around pleasure. Unpleasant things turn me off, pleasant things attract me. Pretty darn primitive behavior, there are some things we just can't change about ourselves.

With God's blessings, I have been able to pull off every semester with all A's since freshmen year. No one is more amazed than myself. I thought for sure I would not be able to pull that off this semester. And once again, the Lord has shown me that anything is possible.
There are exams where you feel confident, exams where you feel so-so, and exams you for sure have flunked. I thought I took one of those flunk for sure exams last week, to my amazement, I made an A!!! You can't even comprehend my shock and gratitude for the good Lord above.

Thanks for watching over me and giving me a chance. I won't give up this time...8)
It might seem minuscule to others, but this is truly a miracle for me.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

I don't know if men experience anything similar but I find it obnoxiously unnecessary for women to have mood fluctuations throughout the month. On top of bloating and feeling fat, I have to deal with emotional instability. What a freaking life nuisance!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hidden Treasures

Look what I found hidden in my wallet just the other day... 8)
I adore the sweet things people do for one another...
Whoever catches his heart will be one lucky girl!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

First Love

"I'll let you fly because I know in my heart,babe, our love will never die..." 

My mother always told me... you will never forget your first love. It seems silly because we all know eventually we'll start dating other people and one day we'll even get married to the love of our life. Yet deep down, we just know our first true love will never be forgotten. It will be stored in a special place in our heart and taken out when we want to reminisce on our sweet innocent years..8)
The love notes, the dried flowers, the cards, the homemade gifts.. though I've physicaly trashed them somewhere along the way...
I  still remember all the little sweet innocent things we did for one another. Whether it's sharing an egg sandwich underneath the stars... or him saying hello outside my window at night fearing that my mother will wake. Those memories, they just will never fade.

We ridiculously love one another, but we're both going through times of change and growth. This separation is necessary for our own good. When you truly love someone, you will gladly let go and let them fly.

I fully support his journey and all he wishes to accomplish in life. I know that no matter what happens, we'll have each others' backs. The love we share is beyond what I can expect from my first love...8)

Cheers to us! May the Lord watch over us as we go on our journey to discover what the world has to offer us...

Friday, October 15, 2010

True Happiness

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”  -Frederick Keonig

I'm going quote happy...

I believe a lot of people feel temporary happiness when they gain something they didn't have before, whether it's an article of clothing, an A on an exam, a gift, etc. 
Those little things are great to boost our everyday moods...however...
True happiness lies in the ability to appreciate what you already have. Not because expectations are met, not because you FINALLY got something you want. Because you're simply satisfied with life, simply grateful for what already is...that's true happiness...according to moi! 8) 

Will's Wisdom

Thursday, October 14, 2010


"Fashion is only the attempt to realize art in living forms and social intercourse."  -Francis Bacon, Sr.

We'll All Float On

Ben Lee's cover for Modest Mouse's Float On

I love this cover!! Heard it on Pandora on the other day and fell in loveeee! Oh, I love Pandora too!! Hehehe...

Moving on to my most recent battle or struggle. According to the words of ex-hunny bun, I've been "freaking out about not freaking out."!
Basically, this past summer I've been able to alter the way I view anger or stress. I saw how unnecessary and polluting it was to the universe.
I am much more tranquil these days and you would think that's great news but I'm so chilled now my grades are falling!!!
I used to freak the fuck out when exam time rolls around. The fear pushed me to study. I'm so relaxed now..I'm not motivated to do shit.
My latest battle... finding balance within myself.
I need to start freaking out again!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


If I had offer words of wisdom, it would be to "be kind and be grateful..."
Life is much easier and pleasant when we are caring and kind to others. The people around us will feel important/loved and the smiles on their faces will warm our little hearts as well. Be kind, it's the right thing to do...we all know it. We just need to take the initiative. Be kind. Don't let your pride or ego take over. Don't hurt others to protect yourself. Be kind.
And no matter how hard life gets, every breath you take should not be taken for granted. Be satisfied and grateful for what you have. Stop searching, stop missing, stop yearning...simply appreciate all that you have.

The soft cool wind that blew my hair today, the sun rays that beamed upon me, the oxygen I inhaled...I shared it all with others. I did not claim it as my own. I simply appreciated the world around me. I did not ask for the wind or sun, I did not have to ask for mother's love. I did not have to ask for brother's love. It was all given to me and they never asked for anything in return. The least I can do is appreciate.

Also, when you run into something grand and beautiful in life, you may desire to possess it. But it's better left just appreciated...because when one gains, another will lose. Therefore, do not wish to keep the beauty to yourself, do not wish to claim it your own, do not selfishly store it away. Instead, appreciate the mere existence of it and share it with the world...

Similarly, when you meet someone absolutely breath-taking and amazing, do not wish to keep them to yourself. They have so much to offer the world, let them shine continuously. Just appreciate having met them. Value them, cherish them, admire them. Be not jealous when others see what you see. For anything beautiful in life should be shared...8)

Back to December

If we loved again, I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't...
But this is me swallowing my pride 
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night...
And I go back to December all the time...

When everything is done and gone, all that's left are memories. So cherish them while your brain cells can still hold on... 8)

I can't believe it's October already! What the heck!?!?! As we get closer to December, I can't help but think to myself if we would have stayed together for a couple more months, we would have made six years. But God has his ways of closing and opening doors. I am in a wonderful place with a better understanding of myself. More on this later...


Monday, October 11, 2010

Wedding Bells

I was in a wedding this past weekend and it was one of the best weddings I've ever been too. The bride and groom paid so much close attention to detail. Especially the bride, amongst the people and the hustle/bustle of a big wedding with close to 400 guests, she still somehow managed to remember I was missing a hairpiece... 8)
I was just a child when I met the groom. He basically watch me grow up. It was so nice to be a part of his big special day. I can tell they will live a happily ever after...
For their first dance, they danced to my favorite song ever. From their long gaze into each others eyes, the way they wrap their arms around another, their genuine heart felt smiles..I knew they were for life.
I love you guys!! Chuc mung Anh Nam and Chi Yen!!

Can't Help Falling in Love with You

Wise men say only fools rush in...but I can't help falling in love with you...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My heart feels like a's too much to take in
It's hard to lose love but you were my best friend

Her voice is GORGEOUS!!!!!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Earth Provides..

is it too much to ask that we take care of her in return?

I think we all forget at times to recognize and appreciate the wonderful place we call home...Earth. For it's nurturing tendencies, I'll refer to Earth as female. Most certainly, she tends to our every need, our survival, our very existence. She is placed at a perfect distant from the Sun that makes life possible for us. She is the soil from which our food grows. She is the air in which we breathe. She is the wood infrastructure that supports our home.

Yet what have we as modern 21st century 'welcome to the good life' seekers given her? We have polluted her air with our pretty cars. We have extensively plowed her soil and stripped her of her nutrients. We have cleared her forests. We create plastic islands in the ocean.

She gives us so this how a species that consider themselves the most intelligent of all species  repay her?

Today, I witnessed a beautiful human being. As I study by a window in a nearby coffee shop, I saw a lady bending over, stooping low, and picking up the trash that everyone else seems to ignore. It was such a beautiful sight. She didn't change the world by shouting at people. She didn't change the world by passing our brochures. She didn't change the world by pronouncing herself as an activist or wearing a 'go green' tshirt. She changed the world by giving back. She changed the world with her own actions. She changed the world by 'doing it herself.' I found it so admirable I shyly tapped her on the shoulder and thanked her for her efforts.

You can't stop the forest clearing. You can't stop the mass production of agriculture. You can't stop the big corporations from spewing pollutants. That's silly. Who are you to think you can? You can't.
But you can pick up after yourself. You can pick up the trash in your neighborhoods, your schools, your local environment. You can appreciate Mother Earth. You can love her...just as she has cared and loved you.. 8)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The First Cut is the Deepest

I would have given you all of my heart, but there's someone who's torn it apart...

Honestly, I don't mind encountering heartache because it teaches one to become stronger. My whole life..I based my actions on the emotions I felt at every moment. Anger, happiness, sadness, I allowed 100% of my raw emotions to show. To think of it, that got me in so much trouble. At the same time, the ones around me were able to capture me in wholesome genuine form. These days, I have much more self-control. I know it's the smartest move, but there are days I just want to scream....something....anything...just to let it out. I feel as if I'm holding so much's all bottled up!

I'm just being a big brat. I feel so free when I can say what I want, feel what I want, do what I want. Sometimes it was at the expense of others, so I know what I'm doing is right. I can't be selfish. I must be considerate of others. At least I keep reminding myself that.

Well, they don't have songs like this without reason...obviously it's a part of life. You are wild and free until someone comes and cuts you so deep it scars (scares) the living crap out of you!! But there's hope...someone that will love you enough to stick around until you  can love again.

Chua oi, bao ve con!! 8)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Over Again

Over Again- SoShy

Wake up in the morning light
Today I feel so decided
Blue sky no clouds no fight
Everything's gonna be alright
All my worries all behind
 I trade my tears for a smile
Now its all clear in my mind
Everything's gonna be alright

But what is making me so fly
Cause being with you is such a
You make me wanna be the best
and why you make me so fine
I never felt this way i guess
I wanna rush but there's no stress

oh oh oh
oh oh oh
 It feels so good to be in love again
oh oh oh oh oh oh
We can do it over ...over again

Was a bird afraid of heights
Today I'm so ready to fly
Even if we fail we try
Til we get it right
Like a glass of french wine
Sippin' each day of my life
Like you'll always be mine yeah
Everything's gonna be alright

Are you the light that shines so bright
Cause being with you is such a bless
You make me wanna be the best
You are the daydream of my life
I never felt this way I guess
I wanna rush but
There's no stress

oh oh oh oh oh oh
it feels so good to be
in love again
oh oh oh oh oh oh
we can do it over ...

How many times we rise and fall
How many times we cry for a love that's gone
And the story goes on and on
So dry your tears and then be strong
Cause after the rain comes the sun
Just keep it cool til you find the one
We can do it over

Everything's gonna be alright

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Last night I got to talk to my ex-hunny bun. I usually call him every once in a while to check up on him. It might seem strange to some, but he was and still is a very significant person to me. I love him dearly and he is someone I'm determined to have in my life forever. In due time, I'm sure friendship is possible between us.

So I updated him with my minor crush and he said the sweetest thing...something along the lines of
"Awesome, I know how those crushes brightens your day." Hahaha... he knows me too well! 8)

I feel like a little 5 year old high on sugar rush. I can't help but think to myself, if a little crush can make me this happy, WTF will true love do to me!?! I think I'll go crazy happy!  Teeheehee!!

Anyways, it's hump day!! Almost the weekend!!! LOVE YOU!!!!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Smiling Again

I've been writing for the past couple of months out of distraught. For the first time in a while, I am writing from a happy place. This weekend has seriously been a blessing from above. I don't remember the last time I smiled this much. I constantly catch myself giggling throughout the day. Teeheehee!!!!
My stomach is filled with butterflies and my heart is pouncing with joy. I can already tell that this last semester at LSU will be treasured for the rest of my life. Filled with fun memories and experiences.
Started the weekend off right with Fall Fest! My favorite event at LSU. I got the chance to catch up and chit chat with some lovely people..8)
Then spent the whole day Saturday swimming like fishies in a GORGEOUS POOL with the bestest person in the world!! God, we stayed in that pool for like four hours!?!?! We looked like old grandmas by the time we got out..LMAO..
The rest of the night was chilling with the guys beer in hand. Surrounded by phenomenally awesome people shooting some hoops and singing our hearts out playing Rock Band. I think I lost my voice!!

Thank you so much sissy for introducing me to such wonderful people. Thank you for being my guiding light in those times of darkness. Thank you for assuring me and hugging me when fear is written all over my face. Thank you for showing me that the life I dream of is out there, I just have to be patient. Thank you for all the joy you have shared with me. I honestly cannot  imagine life without you. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!

Sorry if this is a bore for you guys, but I just have to record how wonderful this weekend was for me so I can go back to it every once in a while... and reminisce on the hilarity of my youth. Sigh..such good times.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Hope for a Healing Heart

After the ending of my 5.5 year relationship and a major heart ache at the beginning of summer, I didn't know what to make of my future. I didn't know what to expect from love. I closed up and was afraid to trust anyone. A part of me died, this happy, hyper, open girl ready to give the world her heart was no longer with me. I carried that rain cloud with me everyday. I tried my best to pick myself up to show the world nothing can defeat me. I will be fine and to a certain degree..I am, but that part of me that went away, I definitely miss it from time to time.

Love, then, appeared impossible. I started to rationalize, logically organize my feelings to put myself as ease. I thought to myself..maybe love isn't the most important factor during marriage..maybe as long I feel secure..that will be enough. Maybe I'm impossible to love... maybe my personality is just too bizarre. I was so doubtful and hopeless. I settled with the thought of marriage=security and nothing more.

And when I least expected it, God gave me a gift. He gave me hope for my healing heart. I recently met a person that has filled my heart with fluttering happiness. Though we could never be together. I am so grateful that for the little bit of time we've known each other, he has inspired me in so many ways. I have gained confidence in who I am. Proud to speak up. Proud to stand up. Proud to be obnoxiously me. I have recognized there are people out there I can love effortlessly. I no longer view love as a battlefield. I now know there are people out there that think like me, act like me, a mirror reflection of me. People I can spend the rest of my life with in harmony.

I'm certain it won't be anytime soon, but I trust that just as God has healed my heart. He will also find me the person I can spend the rest of my life with raising 10000000000000 kids.

With patience and hope,  true love will find its way...8)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Feeling a Bit Nostalgic...

It's quite easy to maintain a smile on my face from day to day. Every once in a while though...there are those days when  I feel as if something is missing..feels as if I'm running on empty. Never lasts too long, but my goodness I think I've heard enough sighs for the year.
You know, those days where you see something as simple as a fruit, and a face appears from your memory because you recall it being their favorite. Hahah Don't ask me why fruits. I just like feeding people fruits!! Maybe it is due to the high sugar content so I figured they'll have a sweet association with me after eating it. I'm cheesy like that. 8)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Let Me Love

As of recent, I have noticed my loved ones being particularly concerned with my well-being. My mother and best friend, especially, worried that my way of thinking will only bring me pain. That my way of loving will always cause me to be the one that hurts or one that cries. I know it's your protective side. I know you care about me and want what's best for me. I know it hurts you as well when I am hurt, but isn't that a part of love? Why is it that you hurt when I hurt? Is it not because you love me? Love hurts...not all the time, but the truth is.. it hurts.
Please trust me, believe in me, and continue to love me. I ask you to please let me love as I wish. Promise from the bottom of my heart, I am not here to disappoint you nor myself. I fully believe in what I am doing. I just know from deep within my soul what I'm doing is right at the present moment. Trust that I will learn on my own. Trust that I will correct myself if I see flaws in the way I choose to love.
For my best friend, do you not remember how rocky our friendship was in the beginning? Do you not remember how much I lacked in my capability to love anyone other than myself? Yet, you still chose to love me and I'm certain it caused you pain. I am truly sorry. But imagine, what if you decided to stop loving me? What if you gave up on me? Undoubtedly, I would not be the friend that I am today. It was your patience and love that touched my heart. It was your love that changed me.

Do you see? I was once that selfish person you may consider undeserving of love but your love transformed me into a better person. I don't want to be anyone's savior. I don't want to change anyone. I just want to point out that nothing but beautiful things grow from love. So let me love. Let me love endlessly as you have loved me. Yes, I will hurt and very likely...I will cry, but everyone deserves a chance at love.

On a less serious note, I'm sick and my mom won't let me eat any watermelon. Little does she know when I sneak into the kitchen, I always stuff my face..BAHAHAHA Does that woman not know how much I love WATERMELON!?!! Crazy ladyyyyy...

Lacking Substance

I find it harder and harder everyday to find something to write about. When I first started this blog, I swear my thoughts were endless. In a mini notepad bordered with roses and dandelions contained a page long list of subjects I wanted to share with the world. Not only am I struggling with topics, the way I write has been negatively affected as well these days. It's quite a disappointment when I feel as if I'm regressing in some manner. On the contrary, perhaps the opposite is taking place. Perhaps, I'm progressing in other aspects of my life and I no longer need writing as my form of escape. No matter the reason, I must admit my blog posts will begin to decline in appearance.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Giving Back

We get so busy with life at times we forget to take a second to recognize just how fortunate we are. The closet filled with clothes to keep us warm, some of which we haven't even touched. The car that transports us from our home sweet home to any desired destination. The food to stop our hunger. The family that loves us to no end. The friends that are our crying shoulder. Our education, some of which is paid in full by our government. A plush bed to lay in. The luxury of having a cellphone or a laptop, convenient but far from necessary things. The list goes on and on.
We are all very blessed indeed. God has given us so much. But there are people out there less fortunate than us. People that need love. People that need help. That's where we come in. To be another compassionate human being and tend to our fellow brothers/sisters in need. It's time for us to give back to our community. Did you ever want to help the community, but didn't know where to start? Did you ever feel like you can't make a difference? Did you ever feel as if you don't have time? Maybe you just never gave it any thought? I want to tell you that it's never too late. Make time to be the difference in your community. Though you are just one person, you are enough. You are one person cheering up a sick child, or visiting an elderly. You are one person packing food for the homeless or cleaning up the soup kitchen. You are one person, one agent of love, one agent of peace, one agent of joy, you are one agent of change.

Here are some volunteer ideas and organizations you can check out 8)
Nursing Homes
Soup Kitchens
Food Banks
Volunteers of America
Hands on Baton Rouge
(they have a calendar filled with different projects you can sign up for)
Volunteers in Public School Systems
(one on one tutoring with students that are struggling with their grade level expectations, meet once weekly)
Adult Literary Advocates (225) 383-1090
(Pair up with one adult, usually an immigrant, that is trying to learn English)
Volunteer LSU

If you feel there is just no way you can set some time aside for the people that need your help in the community, please donate. Besides the wonderful people that give their time are the generous people that offer their money to support these organizations.

Jewel - Hands
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Thursday, September 9, 2010

We Are Human

Heard this song on 92.7 K-LOVE the other day and immediately fell in love!! Yes, I still listen to the radio!! Hahaha...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Family Time

The one thing I love most about holidays besides the little break from school is the the time I get to share with my family. Friends come and go, lovers come and go.. but family, they are there for life. They were there the moment you were born and they'll be there the day you die. My family isn't too big since my mom is the only child. We don't have any aunts, uncles, or cousins. My mom did, however, manage to pop out six of us so we aren't exactly the smallest family either. It can get quite noisy when we gather, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The females in the kitchen screaming over one another. The males chilling with a beer in the living room. The kids running all over the place. It is one of those irritatingly pleasant things about life. The noise, the chaos, the love...<3
Must admit, I feel such a huge void and emptiness now that they're gone. I miss them dearly. I can't wait until they come visit again!! It is just so heartbreaking to be away from loved ones...

On a brighter note, my brother and his wife have arrived safe and sound from Vietnam! We shall see how new sis-in-law will adjust to bratty ole me... >8)
The other two have learned to love me over time so I'm sure she will to...
It's so funny my mom even had a talk with me because she knows how I am. Hey, there's a rite of passage for everything, including being accepted into this crazy family!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Missing California

These are just a few snapshots of the beautiful scenery we captured while in California. I catch myself day-dreaming about that gorgeous place all the time. The perfect weather, the laid back attitude, the versatile landscapes... what I would do to be back there again. I swear one of these days....I will definitely take a road trip all over California. I miss you dearly Cali...

Her dress is so prettyyyyyyyy....


Happiness is not a goal to achieve.
It is not the end of a long journey.
It is not a treasure you uncover.
It is not a feeling you feel forever.
It is not an object you have to find.
Happiness is simply a state of mind.

That’s my amateur attempt at poetry..hahaha no wonder I quickly dropped that class some summer ago. For those that didn't really grasp what I was trying to get across, and I don't blame you because I think a 2nd grader could have written something more impressive..let me elaborate.

I can't tell you exactly how other countries view 'happiness'. However, I do find that in America, happiness is commonly perceived as an end point. Something you achieve or find at the end of an enlightening experience of some sort. Thus, we find ourselves continuously seeking happiness. Seeking to the extent that if we find ourselves 'happiness-less' for just a little while, we run to the nearest psychiatrist and beg for Prozac to make a simple case of the blues go away.

Happiness is an emotion you feel. Exterior stimulants can evoke that emotion. For example, a hug from a loved one, an A on your exam, or winning a million dollars. And when your loved one forgets your birthday or you make a F on your exam or you lose money, you begin to feel unhappiness, sadness, pain. They're just emotions you feel because you are human. I guess where I'm going with all this is that you are not obligated to be happy ALL THE TIME. People feel so obligated about being happy that it becomes stressful to be happy! WTF!?! When you feel happy, enjoy that moment. When you are upset, feel it and let it pass but don't deny it in trying to find some ounce of happiness within your pain. That is simply not the emotion you are feeling at the time and it's okay.

I am not here to promote ugliness. I am not saying it's okay to feel sad and be inconsiderate to those around you. I just want to say..stop seeking happiness...just feel it.. 8)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Pixie Lott

"Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say we're moving on and we'll be okay..."

Monday, August 30, 2010

You're Amazing Just the Way You Are

This is just the sweetest song ever!! All girls, no matter how cocky she may seem, have insecurities of some sort. We all love compliments, we all love to feel beautiful, we all want to be accepted just the way we are as much as the next girl. Our culture is border line obsessed with outer appearance, the boob jobs, the botox, the belly tucks, the face peels, toe shortening (WTF!?!) etc.
All of us can point out a flaw we would change. I know I can list quite a few...
With such a strong focus on outer appearance, people in society constantly feel judged and scrutinized. It may be quite a paranoia type of experience for many. Songs that sing about big butts and double d's don't really help either, if you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, that music is great for 'popping that booty' in the club. Sadly, it also affects the way society view beauty and women.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way. What truly matters is not the way a person appears on the exterior, but what is on the interior. Beauty on the outside eventually fades with time and age, but true beauty on the inside shines forever on.

I've been there. The insecurities, the heart ache, the unhappiness that comes along with obsessing with the way I look. I know many others out there are still suffering and I will continue to have my moments of weakness. I just want to let people know that what truly matters is on the inside. What truly matters is the love you can offer the world, the peace you create with your neighbors, and the harmony you have with yourself. I'm not telling you to go and leave your legs unshaven! Presentation, undoubtedly, matters because it shows that you care about yourself enough to present yourself well. I just wanted to point out the old saying 'true beauty lies within.'

I really like this song, one of my friends posted on facebook. I don't know why she used the world 'ugly'...I'm pretty sure there's a better word out there but it's whatever...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Good in Everyone

I honestly believe that everyone deep down inside is a good person. Everyone dreams and wishes of a world filled with peace, happiness, and love. Everyone, from the moment of birth, is instilled with a deep understanding for the difference between right and wrong. Yet, our world is still clouded and tainted with thoughts of evil and self-gain. Why? Because people have fears. People have insecurities. People have an ego to protect. At the end of the day, people are just afraid to get hurt. Very few consciously commit evil acts. Most people, however, are somewhat unconsciously hurting others. I say somewhat because from within, they know their actions have the potential to cause others pain, but their own benefits outweigh the other person.
There's always some kind of excuse or justification...
"They hurt me so this is what they get."
"I'm not responsible for anyone's feelings."
"It's a dog-eat-dog world."
"I'm teaching them a lesson."
The list goes on...
Your actions do not need justification if they are right. How do you know they're right? You search deep within you. You follow your heart. You feel no guilt. You have no questions.
It's a constant struggle for all of us. One must become conscious of their thoughts. Catch yourself and stop when evil/selfish thoughts appear.
Have you ever been so angry at someone you thought, "My goodness, I hate them! I wish they would just drop dead"?
That's not what you really want. It's your anger speaking, but once you become aware, you can stop those ugly thoughts. The key is to become conscious and aware of our thoughts and actions.
Everyone has good in them. Everyone knows what is right. It's just a harder path to take, but can you imagine how beautiful and pure our world would be if we all did or even tried to do the right thing.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." -Gandhi

Let's start now. Me and you. Making an effort to do the right thing every day, every minute, every second, every moment of our lives...8)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A New School Year

Today marks the first day of my Fall 2010 semester. As always, I spent half of my day deciding if I'm going to stick to my classes and the other half falling asleep due to lack there of from the previous night. It never fails. First days are always a bit rough due to anxiety and excitement.
I must say I feel rather blessed because I actually enjoy school. I don't mind waking up at 8 am. I don't mind the rush of getting dressed. I don't mind the walks to class. I don't mind the corny jokes my professors try to crack. For some odd reason, I like staying busy and stressed!!

This last semester will be no easy peasy. My classes run straight thru from 9am-3pm, no breaks. All my classes are at least 1.5 hrs long, which is a bit too demanding of my attention span, but it makes up for the fact I only come to school Tues-Thurs.

I reserved Mondays for volunteering with my kids at the hospital and the elderly at church... Thursday-Saturday for working. Then I spend Sunday with my ccd kids! I am quite pleased with how this fall will look. Also excited for my favorite upcoming holidays such as Thanksgiving, my birthday, and my favorite-Christmas!!

Cheers to a new school much to look forward too... 8)

WOO HOO!! Geaux Tigers!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Everybody Needs Love

I have encountered some of the lowest points of my life this past summer. It appeared to be a never-ending battle of falling flat on my face and picking myself up again. During my time of instability and constant predicaments, I came to realize that everybody needs love. I can't imagine recovering from my falls as quick as I did if my family and friends were not there to support me.

Lack of love can knock you down and tear you to pieces. The offering of love can pick you up and make you whole. I'm not talking about just 'romantic' love. Romantic love is important when you are ready to date or start a family. However, for the first half of your life, love provided by family and friends is extremely crucial to one's well-being. Orphans, the homeless, the sick, the diseased, the people that are unwanted or outcasted by society...they are hurting and suffering, not only because of their exterior life situations such as living on the streets or the missing an arm and leg...they are hurting because they lack love. They lack the genuine care and feeling of significance from fellow human beings.

I see many children these days growing up in torn homes. Their parents are too busy working or selfishly investing their time elsewhere. I see people argue and differentiate one another on such trivial matters such as race or class. I see people simply turn the other way when others are in trouble.

If we wonder why suicide hotlines, therapist, counselors, psychiatrist are needed in society? It is a mere way for someone to reach out to another person that will show them love and care.

If we wonder why depression and suicidal thoughts even exists, it is due to the fact that so much love is missing in people's lives.

Therefore, be strong and offer nothing but love to the world. Everybody needs love. I do, you do..we all do...

be loving...8)

"Everybody knows the love
Everybody holds the love
Everybody folds for love
Everybody feels the love
Everybody steals the love
Everybody heals with love

Friday, August 20, 2010

I'm Yours

I am a complete sucker for really sweet love songs...
Currently listening to The Script and I am loving them!
Anyhow, back to the great is it to find a person that is completely yours?!
I'm quite possessive and territorial by nature, not to say human beings are property haha, but the security that comes with knowing a partner have eyes for only you is definitely a feeling I look for when I'm in a relationship. Sweet sweet song...

Spread the Joy!

Making people smile is one of life's most enjoyable experiences for me...making people laugh is even more rewarding! I just love it when I share a joke/story and this person/persons across from me is smirking/smiling and preferably laughing their asses off. I don't know what it is.. maybe it's the twinkling in their eyes or the fullness in their cheeks or even the funny way people sound when they laugh. Just lightens my heart and brightens my day!
Mother Theresa once said that 'peace begins with a smile.' Isn't that the truth!?
Have you ever been mad at someone? Yet the moment they crack a joke, you are A-Okay again?
Have you ever smiled at a stranger and they immediately smiled in return and asked how your day went?
Did you ever try to cheer up a friend after a long day? The moment they smile.. they just look at you and thank you with a hug?
Strange is it not? Such a simple expression but it receives such positive responses!!
That's why I ask you to smile more often. Smile at strangers, smile at your family members, smile at your friends, smile at your enemies!! Just spread happiness everywhere you go!!! Get high on endorphins!! 8)

It might feel fake at first...but once you see how effective it is and it becomes me you won't stop!!

And for those that haven't seen this hilarious clip!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Bittersweet Goodbyes

I will surely miss you summer, but at the same time..I'm ready for school to start.
This summer seriously flew by! To sum it all up, this summer has been the best and worst summer of my life combined! How is that even possible!?!
Let's just say it was my first time stepping into the real world, I spent the last few years of my life with my ex-hunnyyy bun in isolation. I had very little interaction with other people. After our separation, I was suddenly thrown into this unfamiliar world. Like any curious cat, I started experimenting new things. Well, I must say I've learned a lot! This world can be quite harsh!! If you're not careful, there are people out there that will suck the life out of you and eat you alive! Scary business!
Now, I'm more cautious than I would like... I wish I can trust people and love them endlessly but I'm not ready to turn the other cheek just yet. Maybe in the future, I will learn to truly look past the betrayal, conniving, and selfish tendencies people have, but not at this moment.
Beyond the few ugly people I've bumped into, I've met a great deal of awesome people and gotten closer with good friends! I was fortunate enough to go out most weekends and let's not forget my Miami trip! I've never been out that much during my whole college career! It was a blast and I'm oh so grateful for the people that made it happen. The people that stood right by my side dancing the night away.
School is about to begin so I know all this partying will settle down. I can't wait to meet new people this semester! Especially around football season, tailgating is going to be so much fun!!

Goodbye summer, I hate you and will miss you dearly.
Hello fall...8)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Severe Flooding in Pakistan, Please Help!!

Above is a link to UNICEF's flood disaster relief for the children of Pakistan.

14 million people- 6 million of them children- have been affected by recent floods in Pakistan.

Please take a second to donate! Any amount will help these unfortunate people!


I'm really upset right now so please excuse the language, but I need to blow off some fucking steam. And I feel really guilty for polluting the Earth with such negativity...but I promise I'll make it up in the future!!

Fuck my mother fucking fuck life...

Let me dwell in this shit...just let me swim in this fucking misery..
Swim in my shame, disappointment, and failure!

As if my patience and faith haven't been tested enough this week before school starts..let's just fucking BOMB her!! You know... kick her in the ass so hard to leave her completely speechless and distraught.

Okay...all better... now onto figuring out what the hell am I going to do...

Also, I would like to thank the people that were my crying shoulder. You mean the world to me and I have no idea what I would do without you! I knew of the challenges and risk of heart ache when I chose this career path. I promise I'm not giving up and I'll figure things out somehow...