Thursday, July 29, 2010

Back to Stability

So life is finally beginning to settle down. Most of my med school stuff is done. MCAT is done. SUMMER SCHOOL IS DONE!!! Emotional state is stabilizing. It's been a rough summer with many adjustments. I am so so so glad to feel somewhat sane and normal again.

I now have three weeks left of summer until the fall semester and I'm kicking it off in style with Miami. It's my first time flying with friends!! I love them to death and know I will have a blast!! Will be in so much debt upon return, but this is such a necessary vacation. EXCITED!!!

Hopefully, the rest of the year will be nothing but smooth sailing. I would anticipate that to be true since I've removed much of the negative aspects of my life but it's all in God's hands what he decides to throw my way.

I can't believe it's going to be my last semester at LSU!! Almost done and I plan on treating myself to a trip to Costa Rica after I graduate. Sounds like a wonderful way to the end the year, no? Just me, away from everything familiar, discovering another foreign world working with children. cup of tea. Surely something worth working hard for!!

Looking forward to life. After all the stress and vultures I ran into this summer, I feel like I can handle anything...8)

Monday, July 26, 2010

wo-Man Up...

No lie... I am a kid at heart. I still enjoy piggy-back rides, giggling, jumping up and down, and big tight hugs. Those things never fail to instantly brighten my day. I think it's safe to conclude those behaviors stem from me being both the only girl and baby in the family. To this day, my mother and older siblings still spoil me. Sure, I occasionally throw a princess fit, but most of the time I'm really grateful. It may seem childish and naive to some but I am not one bit ashamed of who I am. I love that such simple things in life can make me happy. I love that I'm easily amused.
A friend of mine once asked me, "What doesn't make you happy?" Even something that simple makes my day and I freaking love it.

However, there are a few disadvantages to being the youngest. I'm just as easy to upset as I am to comfort. And as easily as I am to upset, I forgive and forget just as fast. I can see why that might drive some nuts but at least you never have to worry about grudges or cold shoulders. I'm very impatient. Whatever I want, I want it now now now!! Lastly, I have this 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality..which leads to a horrible habit of victimizing myself when I fight with other people.

I've done it my whole life...any time something bad happens in any kind of relationship. I always throw the blame on others because in this little mind 'I'm right, you're wrong'. Most of the time, they are wrong (haha), but there are times when I'm wrong too..I just refuse to accept it. This whole self-pitying victimizing shit finally got old. I'm tired of it all. I woke up one day and realized how pathetic it is. I'm going to stand up to my own mistakes. And hey, if someone screws me over. So be it, I can handle it. I'll just accept it. I'm not going to lay around hurt and blaming others anymore. It doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make me feel any better. It's weak. I can't spend the rest of my life depending on my family and friends to comfort me. I appreciate them and love them to death for being there, but at one point or another I have to learn how to handle the world alone...8)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Who Will Save Your Soul...

if you won't save your own? -Jewel

In my life, I have known approximately 2-3 people that are really f--ked up. For the cases I have encountered, their mental instability was a result of an ex-lover that did major psychological damage aka mistreatment to the nth degree. I'm glad I haven't met more people like that because, in all honesty, I'm drawn to them.

Let me explain...

There exist this innate desire within me to care for the helpless and broken. It is such a disheartening feeling when I meet someone that is completely torn due to a past painful experience they can't let go of. They wear this deep scar with them everyday, living the present but somehow still stuck in the past. I just want to lend a hand, hold them, love them... somehow make them stronger. Like I mention it's an innate desire, and I have learned the hard way that it's best to stay away. Why?

Besides the fact that, well, they are messed up. There's very little another person can do to help. I have found that these individuals become so used to destructive relationships, they have a tendency to sabotage healthy ones and/or find comfort in more destructive relationships. Their reality is distorted, you are always wrong in their eyes. They will find something negative in everything and undermine all the good things you do for them. They seek revenge by trying to hurt others as their ex-lover has done to them. Sometimes, they recognize the need for change, but still wound up in that vicious cycle of self-destruction. Of course, we want to help others, especially those that are suffering, but it is very easy to get swept into their's best not to enter.

You cannot help them if they do not want your help. You cannot love them if they do not want your love. You cannot save them if they do not want to be saved.

The most you can do is pray and hope that one day they will find the strength within to realize it's time to move on. It's time to let go and give life another chance.

This is my all-time favorite Michelle Branch song. 8)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Way You Make Me Feel

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou

I crossed paths with this quote just the other day and I must say it's amazing how a few relatable words can be life-changing. I love the simplicity and truthfulness of Miss Angelou's wisdom. It isn't flourished with pretty words or hidden under a metaphor. Straight forward and honest, I wish everything in life was serve in such manner.

The significance in these few words stem from the fact I have a tendency to value myself based on exterior qualities. For example, when I get rejected by a guy, it is one of the most puzzling experiences for me. My thought process goes a little something like this... I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm hilarious...and I'm caring, what the hell is wrong with that guy!?!

What I completely FAILED to notice all along is that people don't care about how pretty you are, or how smart you are, or how successful you are. All people care about is the way you make them feel. Do you make them happy? Do you make them sad? Do you bring them pleasure or pain? I do it, you do it, we all do it. We keep those in our life that make us feel the way we want, and discard of those that don't.

The way you make someone feel will leave an everlasting impression. They way you make someone feel is the strongest connection you can have with another human being. People do not connect with you based on what you are on the outside.

It makes complete sense to me now. Earlier this summer I met this guy and our relationship seriously did not even make it pass two weeks! Yet he definitely left a mark and I wondered for the longest time 'why and how'? Time soon exposed how ugly of a person he was, but I still cared about him, a tiny part of me still wanted him. I hated the way I felt and questioned myself every single day. Until I came across this lovely quote. You see, during our courtship, he made me extremely happy. It was a feeling I haven't experienced in a long time. So it didn't matter how much of a jerk he was, my heart just recalled his capability to make me happy. I am so glad to finally understand why the heck I felt that way.

So if you want to have an effect on anyone, don't focus on the exterior, focus on making them feel the way they want, usually some form of happiness... 8)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Humble Humble Bumble Bee

Last Sunday I went to Lanier Elementary to help out. Most of the tasks were already completed, so we mostly cleaned up and packed the materials that could be useful for the next school NBC's show School Pride decides to renovate. It's always nice to see people of all ages coming together to help out the community. During one unloading job, we even formed an assembly line and passed the materials from one person to the other. It was awesome!! I got a great workout, met great people, and overall just felt wonderful afterwards. The show definitely has its heart in the right place, and I hope it will continue for many seasons to come. All children, regardless of economic background, deserves an adequate education in the proper environment.

While I was there, I met this awesome chick. She volunteered for 5 out of the 7 days they were renovating. She knew all of the crew members by name. She made an effort to greet everyone that passed. She kept us entertained while we rested. That girl was FULL OF LIFE!! I swear she made me look like a sloth in comparison! She was just radiating with positive aura and simply amazing!

That was until she started bragging... about how much fun she much volunteering she does...blah blah blah. I don't know what it is about bragging, but it decreases the value of a person. She didn't lie. She was fun to be around, she does volunteer a lot, etc. Yet the moment she made it known, she immediately became less appealing. I was so puzzled by that. I honestly felt guilty because I knew she deserved the right to boast.

Then a word popped into my head. Humans obviously felt the need to create a word that would describe one of the most valued characteristics of mankind: humility. A characteristic marked by modesty and meekness. I believe humbleness is valued due to its rarity. People are constantly trying to associate themselves with an identity to strengthen their self-importance in this world. So in order to prove to others of their successes, they typically boast. It didn't make her any less of a person, she's still that great gal...just not humble. For some odd reason, people just don't like it when other people brag...

What I have learned from all this is that people are very capable of seeing what you do. People are capable of discovering who you are. You don't have to make it known. I know it's hard because we're proud of who we are and just want to tell the world of our accomplishments to prove ourselves to others. However, it's unnecessary because people will see you for who you are regardless of what you say. And for those that can't see your qualities, well they should not matter anyhow. Just be the best person you can be and let the world find out for itself. You shouldn't have to force down anyone's throat how great of a person you are.

I know it surely is a bad habit of mine... but I'm definitely going to work on it. On my way to becoming a humble humble bumble bee... wish me luck!! 8)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Learning How to Heal

I never once met a person that enjoys the feeling of pain. Unless you're a masochist, most people would much rather skip life's heart-breaking experiences, including myself. I'm generally an optimistic person, and I tend to stay positive. But boy, was it hard to laugh, smile, or even feel remotely normal when my heart was broken. I can still remember how bad I wanted the pain to just disappear. I would just stare off into space and not feel anything to ignore any emotion at all. I remember the anger, resentment, hostility, and sadness that filled my days. Some days I just couldn't hold it together, other days I felt perfectly fine. Of course, in the end, my broken heart eventually healed and a state of normalcy was returned.
It's true life's painful experiences could really bring down our spirits, but the healing process is extremely rewarding and liberating in my opinion. Without these experiences, we are unable to learn how to heal, we are unable to become a stronger person. I've learned much about myself during my time of heartache. I learned of the best methods to help me heal faster. I saw how I coped with my emotions. I learned to be more cautious. If it ever happens again, I'll know how to deal with the situation better than before.
The day I woke up and the pain was gone, I swear I heard the angels sing. Every day appeared brighter, the people that cares seemed more important. The good things in life magnified. It was truly a beautiful experience. When I can happily listen to love songs and not want to throw my computer across the room. When I can look at a picture and feel nothing, though the very same photo evoked anger in the past. When I can interact with the person that caused the pain and feel absolutely fine. Nothing can compare to strength I felt when I was able to accomplish those things.
People may say time heals everything. No, time does not heal everything. It's what you do during that time that heals everything. If you just sit there and dwell on the negativity, you may never heal. However, if you utilize that time to learn how you function, you will find the healing process much more productive...8)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Perfect Until Proven Otherwise

What you see is what you get. I always ask people to either take me as I am or f--- off. It will take a miracle for me to even consider changing. I found that mentality has helped me eliminate a lot of BS people from my life. The ones that appreciate my personality are the only ones that deserve my time and effort. Life is just too short to bother entertaining unimportant people. As unbearable as I may be at times, I still have people that genuinely love and care for me.
So why am I so resistant to change? Simple: I am extremely grateful for who I am, for what God has blessed me. When you look at the world, a lot of people have it much worse. There are starving children, people born with birth defects, and people born with mental disabilities, etc. When I look in the mirror, I see my limbs, my eyes, my ears...nothing is missing. I reflect on my level of intelligence, nothing to complain about. I reflect on my personality, nothing to complain about. Sure, there are flaws here and there...but who doesn't have flaws? At the end of the day, I'm still happy with who I am. I am perfect.
However, every once in a while, I am proven otherwise. If anyone could give me a good enough reason to change, I would do it in a heartbeat. Like I said before, it's about being the best person I can be. Trust me, it doesn't happen often but when it does... it's a mini miracle.
A person can't just tell me, "Well you do X,Y, and Z. It's wrong" and expect me to change. My response to that is the middle finger.
I need information, evidence, proof to back up a claim. A better way to approach it is "Huong, you do X, Y, and Z. It's wrong b/c X, Y, and Z. It will improve your life if you change because X, Y, and Z." Complicated and tedious, maybe.. but so much more effective when dealing with stubborn people like myself.
A former lover of mine was explaining one of my biggest flaw in romantic relationships. It was really heart-breaking to hear that all the love, time, and effort was not enough to make up for this flaw. He went further to explain how people function better on positivity. That rewards are received better than punishment. He even explained how my future relationships will thrive if I was only willing to fix it. In the end, he finally convinced me that change would really improve my life.
I was completely shaken by it. I never realized the impact my behavior had on my lovers. Even though I felt like a was refreshing to recognize the need for change.
So as perfect as I think I am, I know there is plenty of room for improvement. It's just a matter of having the proof that change is needed...8)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

All in God's Hands

The day has finally arrived. Come 8am Friday morning, I will be sitting in a cold quiet room staring at a computer screen for 4-5 long hours-you've guessed it, the darn MCAT. YIKES! I utterly dislike talking about the MCAT with others because I have to admit it's one of my weakest points. There are a series of different tasks to conquer when applying for medical school. The core ingredients, however, is a good GPA, good MCAT score, and volunteer experience. Undoubtedly, I have an excellent GPA and impressive volunteer background history. Those components were easy to cover because, honestly, academia is my thing and who doesn't enjoy volunteering-it's one of the most rewarding experiences ever. But I cringe every time I hear 'MCAT'. It's not that the test is impossible. I've just never been more uninspired in my life. I definitely did not pick the best time to take it. With two summer classes and multiple encounters with failed relationships, I did not have the time or mental state needed to study.

It's so sad because I can't even say I did the best I could. I didn't. I did what I could, but without optimal effort. There is this deep disappointment in myself because I am fully aware of my capabilities. I've always been on top of my game when it comes to school. It's upsetting that I would let life get in the way.

Well this is not the time to put myself down. All I can do is pray, focus, and believe. The rest is all in God's hands...8)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Did you know this idiom originated as early as the 13th century?

Not surprising really, there definitely is some truth to it. What I love about this idiom is its versatility. It can be applied to so many different life experiences. For example, the idiom can be applied to friendships. If you don't make an effort to stay in contact with your friends, you find that you can easily forget about them. Maybe you're shaking your head 'no' thinking if two people are good friends, the love will always be there. Though I somewhat agree, I still think it doesn't hurt to keep up with your friends. A simple phone call/text once in a while to check up on their life, it shows that you care and you're thinking about them. Your friendship will always be there because of your history together, but what about the future? If they are people you really care about, it's about having a life filled with memories together. This applies to many other valuable things in life we need to recognize so we don't forget the importance of them.
On another note, the idiom can imply the process of moving on. If you are experiencing a separation (either with a lover, friend, job, family member,etc.), it is easier to let go and move on when the person/thing is out of sight. When you don't have a constant reminder of the memories you had with that person/thing, those memories will eventually just slip your mind. Every day life will be about the new experiences you create. So store away or throw out all those pictures, gifts, memories you have of that person/thing if you want to move on.

Basically, the important things in life are what's in front of you. You choose what's in front of you. So choose carefully.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Energy Transfer

Not to be all nerdy sounding, but as we all know,the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only transformed from one state to another.

I am bewildered everyday at how much people can affect one another. It's just unexplainable when you see someone and your heart practically jumps out your chest. I know the science behind it (skip this if you don't care for the science, but it might intrigue some: basically you see an image or encounter a threat, image is sent to your brain, your body experiences a 'flight or fight' response. If it chooses to 'flight', the adrenal gland will release epinephrine aka adrenaline into your bloodstream. Your heart beat accelerates, breathing is increased, you may feel flushed, and you'll begin to shake), but science cannot explain why you are so crazy about that one particular person. It just explains the biological processes that occur in our bodies. So what is it that connects you to this person, but not that person? Who the f--- knows?

Anyways, back to my energy transfer topic. When you care or have feelings for someone, it comes with a type of energy. And when that person doesn't reciprocate those feelings or relationship has ended, it makes complete sense to stop caring/feeling for that person. So you've manage to train yourself to stop caring/feeling, but the energy is still there. Well according to physics, you simply transfer it into another form. Easier said than done of course. Sometimes our hearts just feel what it wants, regardless of what we constantly tell ourselves. So as of recent, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to take that energy and change its form. It drives me nuts when I can't control my bodily functions. I feel so defeated when I'm around someone and I'm weak in the knees...that's obnoxious, right!? No one should ever waste their emotions and energy into an unworthy person. It sucks when you can't control how you feel.

Well, lately I've been wanting to have kids so bad!! I just want to take all this nurturing desire and freaking take care of someone!! Of course, I am in no way ready to have children, but at least I know what I want to do with the extra energy. I was debating for the longest time whether I wanted to teach ccd again in the fall. I have a feeling that it's God's plans to have me feel this way because now I CANNOT WAIT TIL CCD BEGINS!! I miss my kids so much and am definitely returning. Just got to suck it up until August...8)

Can you transform me?!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Moving, Moving, Moving On

I actually like the original song better than this remix, but couldn't find one that I could embed...8(
I've been listening to this song non-stop since yesterday. I think the way the director went about filming this music video was pure genius. Natalie Imbruglia is such a beautiful woman and her emotions are very convincing. Her body language and facial expressions felt so real and intense. What a talent!
The line that stands out to me is 'I hope you get all that you want.'
Regardless of how relationships (friends, lovers, foes) end, I always hope that the person gets all that they want. It doesn't matter how great of a person you are, if they weren't happy with you, don't be bitter. Don't hold on to someone if you can't make them happy. Just let them go, move on, and wish them the best of luck. But never doubt yourself, everyone has different wants and needs. It doesn't make you less of a person because someone doesn't want you. It just means you're not right for them. Just like Natalie sings, tell them 'take a good look at what you give up' and be on your way... 8)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Reaping What You Sow Takes Time

I am an extremely impatient person with a horrible attention span. That combination typically causes me to demand immediate gratification or else it's the end of the world. I guess that stems from the type of person I am. I am a very responsive person. I don't take time to think before I act or speak. My actions and words are occurring simultaneously as my mind processes them. Everything is quick and instant, so I figured life worked the same for the longest time.
That is until...I kept running into incidents where I would perform an action, and the response is instant gratification..nothing
It was like I planted a seed, watered it everyday, gave it sunlight, sang to it and beyond. But everyday when I check, nothing happened, and all that I could see was dirt..
And knowing my persistent butt, I will keep on watering and caring for that damn seed until I can't care anymore.
What I have learned lately is that sometimes the seed never sprouts. In a less metaphorical sense, what I do or feel for others may never be returned. No amount of time and effort will change a thing.
But every once in a while, a teeny tiny bit of greenery pops up and hope is restored. All my effort didn't go to shits after all. Recently, I finally got to reap the benefits from my toiling and sowing. When I left my 5.5 year relationship, I never thought my ex and I could ever be friends. Even though I was good to him, I figured he would never see it. Long story short...I was having a bad day one day and for some odd reason, only God knows, I decided to call him. As I was trying to convince him that I needed to change, he told me the sweetest thing. He encouraged me to remain the persistent and kind person that I am and I only need to learn how to pick better friends. It was really nice to see that after all these years of being good to someone finally paid off. Maybe he didn't see it while we were together, but he sees it now. I finally reaped what I sowed. Now that we both had time to move on, we can actually be friends and he recognizes/appreciates who I am.
Lesson learned is these kinds of things take time.
The tough part is distinguishing when to keep tending to that seed or relationship. Honestly, there's really no way to tell because again it takes time to figure out that kind of information. You just have to take the chance, give it your best shot, and hope for the best. In the end, you won't regret it. Your only chance at winning is when you play... and rather to have played a game and lost than sit on the the sidelines.

True friendships and love don't come's going to take a lot more than a couple of failed relationships for me to give up... 8)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Best Person

So I spent time on my last post expressing how I want people to focus on improving themselves. I know I threw the whole 'be the best person you can be' around as if it's really that simple. No, no, no... I completely understand the difficulty that comes with trying to be the 'best person.' I spent years, and still is, praying for God's guidance and self-reflecting on my thoughts and actions. It was no easy walk in the park to get where I am today. Fortunately, I have a reminding mother, a forgiving best friend, and a committing ex-boyfriend to thank for. My mother reminded me to pray, my best friend (LOVE YOU HONG!!!) showed me the warmth of a big heart, and the love I shared for my ex was the greatest and most generous thing I've given anyone thus far. These three are the most influential people in my life and have molded what I consider 'the best person.'

These are some actions/qualities I try my best to achieve, most days I'm successful, some days I fail...
-Optimism: To stay positive and hopeful. To understand that after the rain, the sun will shine again.
-Gratitude: To be grateful for everything God has given me. To express thankfulness to all those that have helped me. To be content with what I have.
-Persistence: To never give up. To fight. To try repeatedly until goal is reached.
-Altruism: To help others and expect nothing in return. This one is a toughie, but it gets easier the more you do it... 8)
-Patience: I struggle with this daily. One of the most valuable virtues to me. I have a horrible temper and staying calm/collected is usually not an option. However, I have learned to shut up sometimes and take a breather to help.
-Forgiveness: I am a true believer in 2nd chances and many people have burned bridges with me even after many chances. I still choose to believe the best in people because I know people are capable of change.
-Apologize when wrong: this is rare because I barely ever think I'm wrong. But when I am, I have no trouble apologizing.
-To never damage one's reputation
-To never purposely hurt anyone

My main goal is to be kind. My idea of kindness is not sweet talking people's ears off. I believe kindness is when one truly cares about others' best interests. No matter how great or horrendous a person can be, you just wish them the best in life. It's hard especially when people mistreat you. Being human, I have been angry and temporarily wished ill upon a person. It's okay to be angry, but never mean it. Especially when you're angry, your heart can turn black from such thoughts. Let yourself be angry and then move on. Trust me when I tell you, it's better to be happy for someone than to be jealous and unhappy in your life...

So this wraps up what I consider the 'best person''s my daily journey of attempting to be a caring and loving person. It's hard because I'm selfish by nature but this is my goal in life. I will try repeatedly until I get there...8)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Who Am I?

I have the most upright respect for people that know who they are. You are on another level of consciousness when you are fully aware of your attributes, your flaws, your actions, your emotions, etc. and you rock it. It's so rare to run into those kinds of people these days because so many people look outwards instead of inwards. People are too concern with what others think of them or they are more concern about what others do instead of themselves. In my opinion, it is important what YOU think of yourself. When you go to bed at night and reflect on your actions throughout the day, are you happy with who you are? That's what matters. Making sure the only person you can control- yourself- left the world a better place.

It takes work to get on that level of consciousness. Because most people have so much doubt in themselves or would just rather ignore their faults. You only live the best person you can be!

The worst type of people are the ones that got it ALL WRONG. The ones that do so much harm, but declare innocence. The ones that will create chaos and havoc yet truly believe they didn't bring it upon themselves. People that create these false illusions their whole life blaming their shortcomings on others. In reality, it is self-inflicted. Do you hate it when people lie to you? Then don't lie to yourself...
Face who you are, love yourself, and change what you don't like.

Everyday, I work on me. There are days when I'm satisfied. Days when I'm upset at myself. I am nowhere near that level of consciousness but I'm happy with myself because I know I try. What I've realized is though I am just one person. I can still take a stand and make a difference, even with just two small hands...and everyday when I wake, it's another day of attempting to be the best person I can be...8)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Title

All novelists, journalists, musicians, bloggers, or writer of any sort at one point or another have to find a title for their piece. Some may start with the title and proceed from there or vice versa. Regardless of how one stumbles across it, the importance of the title is evident.

The title embodies your work.

It took me a mere 10 minutes to come up with my title. I started the blog randomly and I'm not really sure what I plan on writing about. I guess I'll have to start writing before I get a feel of why I'm really here...
But in short, I chose 'In Search of Faith and Truth' because those words basically embody my life.
As much as I claim I hate studying, there is much satisfaction to learning something new that comes with it. I love knowledge. I love the truth. No matter how painful, the truth keeps me alive. Though ignorance may be bliss, I much rather live an honest life. One not sugar-coated with lies. A life not left in the ignorant darkness. Life filled with the truth life truthfully, wholeheartedly, fully etc. Everything you feel and see is real. I want my happiness to be real and my sadness to be real. You only live once and quite frankly I'm not here to live it artificially.
Secondly, I believe faith is one of the hardest thing to maintain especially when life knocks you down. However, faith is crucial in keeping relationships alive. Whether the relationship is with God, a friend, a significant other, or yourself. Having faith, the complete confidence or trust in a person or thing as defined by, can be difficult because you can't control the actions of others. Heck, I can barely control my own actions. But faith is what allows you to deeply connect with another person. Two souls align where faith resides. It is the ultimate bond that says I believe in you, I believe in me, I believe in us...

I'll always be in search of faith and truth..the title embodies me. But is this what my blog is about, my search? No idea. We'll have to see where it will take me. 8)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Time for Change

I stared at my 5 year old xanga homepage, saw how utterly outdated it was, and decided it was time to move on. Can't say I won't go back now and then, xanga will always hold a special place, I practically grew up with it. But like everything else on this evolving planet, things simply change. Whether it's the blooming of a flower after a rain shower, an infant crawling one minute and walking the next, the strange disappearance of the dessert you swore you hid in the back of the fridge or--me. As scary as it sounds, I have come to realize that my life is going through a time of change.
In a nutshell, I recently ended a 5.5 year relationship, lost a couple of friendships, and on top of trying to finish off my undergraduate degree, I'm also going through my medical school application process.
I would say the most life-changing event would be my newly single life. Friendships come and go, and I knew that darn medical school application would roll around before I know it so though it's a change, it was expected. Not to say I didn't know the relationship would end, because I most definitely saw it coming. I just didn't realize how hard it would be adjusting to the single life. I went from seeing my significant other 5-6x a week to nothing. Now it's just me. I eat alone, I watch tv shows alone, I sleep alone...everything. I don't remember the last time I went to Wal-mart, because I don't want to go alone. Well, that's the single life, being alone. Hey, some might be perfectly fine being alone. That's just not me. Humans are social creatures by nature and trust me, I am not one to deny my natural desires.
However, during this time alone, I've found that keeping myself busy is the best coping mechanism. Summer school, MCAT, and friends have kept me consistently busy. I am most grateful to my friends that have been there for me. I might have lost a love, but found something much grander. I also found that the single life is a great time to focus on improving yourself. With more time,I can do things I hold off like exercise and church events.
And though the loneliness may be at its worst at night, I simply fall asleep and wake up to a new and brighter day.
As much as I would like to resist change, the best part about it is adaptation. Watching myself adapt to my new environment is quite an experience and I'm excited to see what's in store for me. Here's to change....and a new blog 8)