Friday, February 25, 2011

You Are a Fast-Food Restaurant

"I loved you so much that I thought someday that you could change but all you brought me was a heart full of pain..."

I truly value my relationships with the people that have gained my trust and love. Though I admit I'm quite gullible, it's not an easy task to acquire my trust. Very few have succeeded and it breaks my heart when those rare relationships fall apart. However, I'm not here to rant about how I vow to never trust again or how I might build a brick wall around my heart. No, I'm here to talk about acceptance. When a relationship ends, you can sit there and think about all the energy, time, and efforts you put in. You can get angry at how you tried so hard, or that you loved so much, or you gave so many. You can allow the resentment to soil and blacken your tender heart.

Or you can accept the fact that you gave it your all, your 100%, correction 110%. You have no regrets. A slight dusting of the shoulder and you can move forward with no thoughts of looking back.

So sure, you did do a lot for that person...for all the right reasons. You wanted to be a good friend, lover, daughter, sister, brother, whatever. You did the best you could have, and that's all that matters.

When relationships end, it's not necessarily a failure on anyone's part. Usually, they end due to differences. Differences of values, beliefs, lifestyles, morality, principles, etc. Sometimes, two people are just too different to make it work.

Regardless of why or how it ended, the reality is people come and go. You are like a fast food restaurant in a sense. Some will drive-thru, some will sit in, some will work there for the rest of their lives. Accepting the inevitable is easier than fighting against it.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I See You

My blog has become somewhat of a journal consisted of me recording the special moments I have with my ong gia (old man), that's what I call him 8)
And though this information may be meaningless and borderline vomit-inducing to others, it is crucial that I record the noteworthy times I very much cherish. This is the first time in my life I feel so at peace with another human-being, I want to be able to recollect it anytime I want.

If you even semi-know me, you know that religion means the world to me.  Though I look for other things such as compatibility in my relationships, similar religious background is absolutely necessary for me to even consider marriage.

Well, my ong gia went to church with me today so he can get a glimpse of the world through my eyes. The best part was that he offered to come with. It was so cute...his observing eyes scanning the church's architecture, his confusion as we kneel, sat, stood up, etc., him asking about the Eucharist, him holding my hand during 'Our Father' prayer. I couldn't help but smile the whole time.
I greatly appreciate his efforts and beautiful open-mind. I appreciate that he wanted to get to know me actively by checking out the source of my morals and values.
I never plan or even dare dream of him converting. He is who he is and I respect that. Regardless, it meant the world that he was so willing to venture into my world. No matter what our future holds, I will hold him dear in my heart.  He is a very selfless individual and I pray to God that he will bless my ong gia with a successful life rich in joy, peace, love, wealth, and health. He deserves it all and more!!

Emotional Awareness

What is emotional awareness?
Well, it is the awareness of your emotions. That may be simply put but in reality it's an ability harder to acquire than you think. Most of us react to our surroundings and environment.
For example, someone cuts you off on the road, you get angry.
In that moment when you are reacting, you can do extremely foolish things because you aren't all...just reacting.
Let's say you're at a party and someone makes a smart ass comment towards you. You feel incline to say something just as smart or even more insulting in return. And that builds tension between not only the two people involved but everyone present in the room that can feel the negative energy circulating.
However, I find that it's much wiser to take a step back and become aware of the anger arising in you. Then to evaluate the best way to handle the situation, in this's actually better to keep quiet and ignore the person all together because everyone is just out for a good time, why ruin it just so you can feel like you got back at someone?
These are only examples of anger because it's an emotion I have to deal with daily.
But there are many other emotions for us to be aware of: happiness, excitement, sadness, etc.
We need to be aware of what we feel, when we feel it, and question why do we feel it. Not only that but also how will we respond to the way we feel.

People need to be more responsible for the actions resulted from their emotions.

I think one of the scariest yet beautiful thing to witness is attraction between people. I have a knack for picking up sexual energy and sometimes the energy is only one-way. It's almost a tragic thing to watch, when one is practically throwing themselves at another person because they allow their emotions to get the best of them. Or worst, when I see already taken people interact with another person they're attracted to behind their significant other's back. And usually, these people are completely unaware of their attraction to this other person and convince themselves that they're just being friendly. Thus, you commonly hear the excuse... "it just happened." No, the attraction was there, you just decided to ignore it. If people were more aware of how they felt inside, things would not 'just happen.'

Stop reacting to the world around you and start being in charge and control of your actions.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tired of my Hair

I am so bored with my hair and need ideas quick!! I was thinking of going pixie short for a while but changed my mind because I remembered what a pain in the butt it was for my hair to grow out so I don't think I'm ready to chop it all off...just yet. For the new year I had side swept bangs and it entertained me for a while until it grew out. Now I'm back to the middle split, which I'm quick satisfied with just because I can pull it off. I'm thinking about getting blunt bangs. I had blunt bangs when I had shorter hair but wasn't too fond of it, now that my hair is longer maybe I can pull it off better??

I don't want anything too drastic but definitely craving a change. Any ideas!?!

I'm thinking about blunt bangs like the girl in the middle.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Meet the Parents

Yes, the ever so nerve-wrecking moment everybody dreads has appeared sooner than expected- yesterday I met the rents. Just 1.5 months into our newly developed relationship, I most definitely debated whether I was ready to meet them. But what could be better than meeting the very people from which your lover stemmed from? Their values, beliefs, good looks and charm, their very existence is all thanks to these two special individuals. It went well to say the least. I hid behind him as the front door opened and shyly greeted them. They was so kind though and the butterflies soon went away.  I even got to chit-chat with his mom alone along the Biloxi coastline as we discussed life and I got insight into the way she thinks as well as him. It's a totally different bonding experience when you meet family.

I especially enjoyed our ride to his rents and back. Listening to music and resting on his shoulder, talking and laughing. Like I said, it's only been 1.5 months but I feel like we've known each other so much more than time can offer. We had our 'what are we exactly?' talk again...and of course I told him the title does not mean anything to me, that we make each other happy, that I belong to him completely and that's all that matters..

You see title or not, my love for him will not be more or less. My heart doesn't need a title to feel complete. All I need is for him to treat me well. All I want is loyalty, faith, and trust. All I want is peace, happiness, and joy. And so far..he's done a wonderful job...8)

Monday, February 14, 2011

So Much Better When We're Together

My mind is quite obsessed with the future. I'm constantly thinking of what's going to happen ten years from now. How many kids do I plan to have? Who do I plan to marry? How will I make money? The list goes on... the trouble with consuming my mind with the future is I leave very little time to enjoy the present moment. God has recently introduced a beautiful human being in my life and I'm so concerned that my time with him might interfere with my future, I even thought of ending the relationship with this person that makes me very-berry-merry happy.

Well, my youth shall not be wasted. This is the time in my life where I can enjoy freedom with very little responsibility. Later on when career, family, and kids come into play,  I will never be able to retract nor relive these years.

So cheers to enjoying my youth and cheers to living in the present moment.

It is Valentine's Day after all...wouldn't be right without some cheesy romantic words thrown here and there.

For the next couple of months, I vow to follow my heart.
Cause I have yet to find someone that makes me smile the way you do, feel safe the way you do, feel peace the way you do, love life the way you do. It's so much better when we're together...

Friday, February 4, 2011


Currently working on renaming as well as redesigning my blog... this may take a while...

EDIT: After about 30 minutes of fiddling around with the templates from, I think I'm quite satisfied with the overall look...for now.

Here's the song that contributed to my new blog title.

Before the blog title was "In Search of Faith and Truth" because I was mentally and very much spiritually lost when I initially started the blog. I've found that the search for faith and truth never ends and will be a continuous journey for the rest of my life. However, somewhere along the way since I've started the blog, I have found much peace within myself and that title no longer seems fitting.

Onto the next journey of my life, the aspiration to love truthfully, faithfully, endlessly... for as long as I keep breathing...the following will be words from a heart that's pounding...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Madam Whinesalot

For the New Year (according to the Chinese calendar), I wholeheartedly wish I could sit here and feel joy, optimism, peace. It's only right to start off the new year in such manner, yet here I am feeling frustrated, slightly angry, and most disappointingly-whiny&bitchy.

I guess I can blame it on the hormones, it is that time of the month after all. However, something tells me it's more than that. Something tells me I don't feel compelled to complain only when my hormones are acting up, though I do find it harder to resist around that time. I feel compelled to complain...most the the time. Whether it's school, friends, relationships, myself, I will nitpick the hell out of my life until I find something to complain about. It's my talent...if I earned a dime for every complaint I ever made, I would be one rich mother effer.

So, I can sit here some more and question why the hell I complain so much, which will probably lead to more frustration and whining. Or I can just stop. If only it was that simple, right? Well, it takes time to build a habit.

I find that the first step to changing is the recognition that change is needed. And trust me, no one is more sick of my whining voice by this point than myself, so recognition-check. My second step is to change my attitude, point of view, perspective, whatever you want to call it. When the urge to complain arises, I must remember there are far bigger and better things to worry about. I must remember that I am about to waste up to 30 minutes of my life whining about something rather insignificant- and by doing so I am just spreading animosity and negativity. Let's be honest, that time could be utilize in a more valuable fashion. Lastly, I must learn to appreciate and accept every experience in life with grace, no matter how good or bad, pleasurable or tragic, likable or unlikable... because that's my very food for growth-every day experiences.

Morning light that disturbs my sleep will teach me to start the day shining brightly. The cold temperatures will teach me to value warmth aka the heater.  Spending 30 minutes in search of parking space will teach me patience. Insecure friends will teach me compassion. Busy lovers will teach me independence. Tired feet will teach me to rest.

Out of every experience, something beautiful can be learned.

So I didn't spend my new year off with joy and peace, but I spent it instead with the recognition and desire to change and improve. Not too shabby, no complaints here ;)