Watching the way I now react to my lover has shown the progress I've made over the past couple of months. I find it absolutely amazing that I have grown so much. Undoubtedly I have much more to learn but being in a better place than before, evolution at its works. I don't regret a darn thing that happened over the past couple of years when I entered into the relationship realm. Experiencing heartache after heartache definitely has its ways of teaching the inexperienced. Now, instead of being the best girlfriend due to the egoic state of mind, I am attempting to be the best girlfriend possible because that is what my heart truly wants to offer my lover. Every act is from the heart, and not rooted from the ego.
It's a graceful thing to watch. Love never appeared more pure and wholesome. Him being so easy to love contributes in some way I'm sure. We have yet to experience any type of personality conflict. We are different, yes. But we accept those differences with respect. The only thing we fight over is the chance to please one another. Whether it's getting a glass of water or the lights...we both wish to make each other's life easier.
With a few months left, it is my duty to make the best of it... to show him a happy open heart more than willing to love him madly, deeply, endlessly...
"If time is all I have, I'll waste it all on you..."
I cleaned out my room today... found birthday cards from 5th grade and beyond. Kept worthy memories and dumped the unworthy. Finally letting go of the journals of every heartache and fight experienced with the exes was a liberating feeling. I couldn't even relate to what I wrote....all I saw was pain and misery, chaos, instability... I am in a different place now and it's only right to trash it all.. 8)