I am an extremely impatient person with a horrible attention span. That combination typically causes me to demand immediate gratification or else it's the end of the world. I guess that stems from the type of person I am. I am a very responsive person. I don't take time to think before I act or speak. My actions and words are occurring simultaneously as my mind processes them. Everything is quick and instant, so I figured life worked the same for the longest time.
That is until...I kept running into incidents where I would perform an action, and the response is missing...no instant gratification..nothing
It was like I planted a seed, watered it everyday, gave it sunlight, sang to it and beyond. But everyday when I check, nothing happened, and all that I could see was dirt..
And knowing my persistent butt, I will keep on watering and caring for that damn seed until I can't care anymore.
What I have learned lately is that sometimes the seed never sprouts. In a less metaphorical sense, what I do or feel for others may never be returned. No amount of time and effort will change a thing.
But every once in a while, a teeny tiny bit of greenery pops up and hope is restored. All my effort didn't go to shits after all. Recently, I finally got to reap the benefits from my toiling and sowing. When I left my 5.5 year relationship, I never thought my ex and I could ever be friends. Even though I was good to him, I figured he would never see it. Long story short...I was having a bad day one day and for some odd reason, only God knows, I decided to call him. As I was trying to convince him that I needed to change, he told me the sweetest thing. He encouraged me to remain the persistent and kind person that I am and I only need to learn how to pick better friends. It was really nice to see that after all these years of being good to someone finally paid off. Maybe he didn't see it while we were together, but he sees it now. I finally reaped what I sowed. Now that we both had time to move on, we can actually be friends and he recognizes/appreciates who I am.
Lesson learned is these kinds of things take time.
The tough part is distinguishing when to keep tending to that seed or relationship. Honestly, there's really no way to tell because again it takes time to figure out that kind of information. You just have to take the chance, give it your best shot, and hope for the best. In the end, you won't regret it. Your only chance at winning is when you play... and rather to have played a game and lost than sit on the the sidelines.
True friendships and love don't come easy...it's going to take a lot more than a couple of failed relationships for me to give up... 8)