Monday, July 26, 2010

wo-Man Up...

No lie... I am a kid at heart. I still enjoy piggy-back rides, giggling, jumping up and down, and big tight hugs. Those things never fail to instantly brighten my day. I think it's safe to conclude those behaviors stem from me being both the only girl and baby in the family. To this day, my mother and older siblings still spoil me. Sure, I occasionally throw a princess fit, but most of the time I'm really grateful. It may seem childish and naive to some but I am not one bit ashamed of who I am. I love that such simple things in life can make me happy. I love that I'm easily amused.
A friend of mine once asked me, "What doesn't make you happy?" Even something that simple makes my day and I freaking love it.

However, there are a few disadvantages to being the youngest. I'm just as easy to upset as I am to comfort. And as easily as I am to upset, I forgive and forget just as fast. I can see why that might drive some nuts but at least you never have to worry about grudges or cold shoulders. I'm very impatient. Whatever I want, I want it now now now!! Lastly, I have this 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality..which leads to a horrible habit of victimizing myself when I fight with other people.

I've done it my whole life...any time something bad happens in any kind of relationship. I always throw the blame on others because in this little mind 'I'm right, you're wrong'. Most of the time, they are wrong (haha), but there are times when I'm wrong too..I just refuse to accept it. This whole self-pitying victimizing shit finally got old. I'm tired of it all. I woke up one day and realized how pathetic it is. I'm going to stand up to my own mistakes. And hey, if someone screws me over. So be it, I can handle it. I'll just accept it. I'm not going to lay around hurt and blaming others anymore. It doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make me feel any better. It's weak. I can't spend the rest of my life depending on my family and friends to comfort me. I appreciate them and love them to death for being there, but at one point or another I have to learn how to handle the world alone...8)

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