Monday, August 16, 2010

Off My Chest



Typically, I do not snoop into people's business because I respect their privacy. However, there comes a time when you become a bit curious and it's just time to face reality. Plus, I guess if the information is provided by that person openly on the Internet, it really isn't snooping? Or I'm just telling myself that to feel better...

Well, life has been improving like I mentioned in the past several posts. It's all fine and dandy until you run into that one person that just gets under your skin. Then you find yourself in bed feeling like you don't know what because all you can do is stare at the ceiling. Pathetic shit, isn't it? You know you're holding something back but you're not quite sure what. That's when you telephone a bff, and before you can even try to make sense of reality, tears are flowing down your cheeks because he/she just told you what you've been denying to yourself all along.

Whether it's...

"Girl...home boy is cheating."

"Girl...he is so over you."

"Girl...he's got a new girl."

Or in my case "Girl...you fell in love."

Sigh...falling in love. Three tragic words that holds the potential to completely transform your world: for better or worse. I tried so hard to deny the slightest possibility that I might have loved this guy. I tried to reason every angle. The timing was too short. He did nothing to deserve it. Maybe, it was lust. My God, every mere attempt was a failure. I just knew somewhere he's gone where most have never been. I couldn't explained why I cared excessively. I couldn't explain why I forgave easily. I couldn't explain why I couldn't just drop it and go on with my life. I've been in longer relationships where I left without an ounce of regret. With him, every time I left, a part of me wished it would have turned out different. Fortunately, another part of me knew I deserved better. It's sad that I couldn't be the girl I wanted to be for him. It's sad that the feelings were never returned. The good thing about falling in love is that you can fall out as well. In due time, I'm sure I'll find my way around it. Just have to get up from my fall and dust myself off.

Seeing him with another person, I couldn't be happier for him. Everyone deserves a happy home. Even if I couldn't be that for him, I'm glad he found someone that can. Now he has someone to respect and cherish. Someone to share his day with and make him happy. Now there are two people walking around smiling ear to ear because of one another and it's positive energy that the world needs.

Like old man Joe said from the movie Alfie- "There are two things I've learned in life: find someone to love and live everyday as if it were your last."

Live life like that and trust me... you'll feel complete...8)

4 comments:

mimi said...

i fuckin love how you have this song up...THIS IS MY ALLLLLL TIME FAVORITE SONG FROM XTINA!!! ITS SO TRUE THAT...fuck i'm speechless...this song came out 4 years ago..and 4 years ago..i asked my self..just walk away! sadly, i chose to stay

anyhow, girl! is this entry somewhat of what i'm going through too or what? i feel complete already and its been what 4 days? lol..

you will find your happiness as well! To me, you have bigger and more important things ahead for you...for instance..your future. that is the best way to go!

Phamtastic said...

Oh Mimi!! You are amazing!! Damn 4 days!?! How the hell!?! You are one strong lady!!
Thank you for the encouraging words that is true in every way! I'm going to try my best!!

mimi said...

haha..you will soon find out, i promise! I wouldn't say i'm that strong..but i guess i got something going on for me..that is bigger than him and ..bigger than me almost!

honestly, i was in a relationship that was missing something. We both literally grew up together. The transition of being very young adults to adulthood didn't happen the way i wanted. He was still a boy and I was still trying to become a full blown woman. I couldn't let go because i didn't know how...we did our things without each other..while doing things with each other. It just became something that was just there and comfortable. I would go on further..but i have a really exciting day tomorrow!

You are on your ways to doing big things...esp with your life and your career. When you done doing you, girl, you find someone that will complete you in every way. I'm excited for the both of us

Phamtastic said...

Oh my God...I so needed to hear that! It's something I knew, but the thoughts became lost behind all this other mumble jumble. Thanks Mimi! You are right, I do have bigger things to worry about right now!
I'm really excited for us too! I can see that you know what you want and you will go after it! Whatever you got going on for you, good luck!
Thanks again for reminding me I got shit to do! hahaha <3