Thursday, August 5, 2010

Too Open

I have never questioned my openness and bluntness in the past. Even though I understood that there were times when I hurt people's feelings or made them feel uncomfortable, I always figured I'll make it up to them in some other way. My ex-boyfriend as a prime example, he hated the words that would spew out of my mouth at times but stuck around for 5.5 years because he knew I loved him whole-heartedly. I was content with it and carried on this mentality of "take me as I am or get the f--K out of my life."

It was a defense mechanism. Scaring off the people that couldn't handle it and rewarding those that can. When I love or care about someone, it's really difficult for me to hold back..I throw my heart and soul into it so I have to be really selective and careful around people. Fortunately, I have found a handful of people that stuck around and love me to pieces. I never felt the need for change...until recent months.

I need to watch what I say. Not just for my own sake, but for others. I want to be more considerate of the people around me. I'm not quite sure where to start...but thinking before I speak will probably cut a lot of nonsense from my speech. Undoubtedly, I'm sure stupidity will slip here and there, but this is a stepping stone for me. I'm not denying my honesty. When I feel the need to be honest, trust me I'll speak up. I'm just trying to develop a filter so thoughts don't just flow out of my mouth simultaneously.

However, I am proud of my openness. I think I would die if I bottled everything inside. I love giving my all, pouring my heart out, expressing every emotions. I wish I could do it more often. I don't like hiding or suppressing how I feel. There is this sense of freedom when I can just express myself openly. I highly encourage people to be more open. I enjoy my openness because I never live with regrets. Because I always give it my best shot, I'm content even if things don't always go my way. I might be angry at first and say I regret it...hahaha but in reality I'm proud of myself for doing my best...8)

"Horses were built to run
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born to love"

No comments: